My first day of actual classes was today.
I don’t like college
My first day of actual classes was today.
I don’t like college
You could use your own knowledge on autism to your advantage following onto a job with a degree in a related field. It’s much better to stay in education and pursue it as much as you can, I wish I had stayed longer at school.
Today was better though. It was one class, a disability studies class, and the teacher student ratio is 1:6, the class is set up a lot better to my liking and the topics in the syllabus seem interesting. I also took a pretest today and I already knew the awnsers.
You're settling in already! You'll undoubtedly like some parts of your degree course more than others, but that's the same with everything in life.
Your disability studies class sounds pretty cool. Maybe you can post updates on what you're learning and teach us a thing or two.
I had a pillow in there 
End goal… figuring out what to do with a degree I guess? Do somthing with autism?
I only applied for college because my grandparents kept pestering me and because I know two people there. Even though I originally planned to take a break from school for a year
Today was better though. It was one class, a disability studies class, and the teacher student ratio is 1:6, the class is set up a lot better to my liking and the topics in the syllabus seem interesting. I also took a pretest today and I already knew the awnsers.
Well that’s quite an eventful day, perhaps the chef needs sacking and the closet needs a bed in it? Hats off to you for striving on though, that’s real tough. What’s the end goal with the education? Any particular career in mind?
Hats are allowed in college?
I think you get to do what you want in college (within reason). You're all adults, after all.
I hear you on the glasses front. Those glasses are designed for everyone except those who wear glasses! You could get clip-on filters, but a) they're heavy, and b) who wants to be seen wearing them? Go with those good suggestions of a cap or visor.
teaches social skills
RA has an interesting article on neuro-affirming social skills classes.
TL;DR: There's a fine line between learning social skills for your benefit and learning non-autistic social skills that help you to mask around NTs for their benefit. A good teacher will be aware of that distinction.
Another option: is a fabric (avoid straw as it is scratchy and cannot cope well with water) sports sun vizor / visor - like women tennis / golf players tend to wear.
This gives you a peak to shield your eyes but there is no "crown" over the top of your head (as a baseball cap has).
This is cooler for indoor wear, can easily fit in your bookbag, they are available in different lengths of the peak shadowing your eyes and you can still wear your regular glasses.
I often wear one in a library with bright overhead lighting.
They are available in a range of different colours.
There should be some sort of freshers fair with the social clubs trying to get you to join - I would recommend trying to find some that appeal to you and give them a try as these can be a great way to find people with similar interests - often other neurodivergents.
There’s a club for disabled and neurodivergent students that I’m signed up for but I’m not sure when the first meeting will be.
And a support group for autists, teaches social skills too, but unfortunately it’s the same time as one of my classes… I want to plan next semesters scheduale around it so I can go but I reckon they’ll all have made friends with each other by then
Hats are allowed in college? They weren’t in highschool because hats=emotionally unstable person in their minds. Thats a good tip. I was going to try blue light glasses from the library’s sensory kit but I wear regular glasses so it won’t work well
The first days are the hardest as it is all new to you and the processes are unfamiliar. At least now you have the experience to avoid the same mistakes in future, so there is something positive to take from it.
The lights in there gave me a really bad headache that I still have now.
I found a baseball cap was great for this - kept the light out of my eyes and made it feel more like I was watching TV somehow so was easier to manage.
I can’t control my volume. I will feel like I’m shouting but everyone hears a whisper.
Hopefully this just takes practice and making a mental note of what it feels like at the correct volume. Patience is required but it does need a lot of practice.
One technique I was trained in that works well is learning to speak from the diaphram (the one below your lungs, not the birth control type...) - it gives a remarkable amount of power to the voice.
a student asked a question about a reading we have before wensday which I didn’t know about (and still don’t)
I would recommend speaking to the lecturers after class and asking them where to find the details of what is required as you feel like you have not been given it. Chances are someone messed up or you missed some details in the notes you got, but this is a chance to meet the people running the classes and practice your self confidence in communicating with them.
Overall expect this first week to be tough, but learn from your mistakes, plan how to make things better / easier on yourself and then you will have the capacity to start to enjoy it.
It does get better.
How did it go?
Nothing bad actually happened so I guess it went fine but it still didn’t feel fine.
I only had three class - first 2 right after eachother starting at 10:30, then the third was at 3. So I didn’t have to get up super early and wasn’t rushed. My first class was over 100 students and was loud but I thought I was listening well until a student asked a question about a reading we have before wensday which I didn’t know about (and still don’t) so then I started using my lecture recording accommodation.
Then I walked to my next class but it was the wrong building so led to a cleaning closet, but I found someone to help me find the real place. That class we had to do group discussions and I actually participated (an accomplishment) but my group said they couldn’t hear me, and that made me upset since even when I can work past the anxiety, the communication differences, the selective mutism, then I still can’t communicate properly because I can’t control my volume. I will feel like I’m shouting but everyone hears a whisper.
Then I had lunch with my middle school friend. It was very crowded there and the pasta place wouldn’t come take my order so I got pizza instead but held up the line for like 5 minutes cause I couldn’t get the pizza slice off the rest of the pizza. Then I had to eat it with a fork and butter knife because that pizza was not normal and wouldn’t be eaten correctly (lol). Anyway, then I had 2 hours where I was gonna work on assignments till my last class but I ended up not being able to do anything since I was so dysregulated.
Went to last class and was in a shutdown. Had to introduce myself but couldn’t very well (because of shutdown, but again still accomplishment I could speak at all). The lights in there gave me a really bad headache that I still have now.
Went back to dorm but same friend as before wanted to play pool (8-ball? Billiards?), and that actually calmed a little bit. So then I thought I’d be fine to go to the festival in the grass area with my Roomate who invited me (since everyone at school keeps saying how important it is to get involved in activities) but I left after like 10 minutes cause I felt like I’d have a meltdown.
Then the verge of meltdown feeling stayed for the rest of the day and I was trying really hard not to have one, since mine are more stereotypical and I don’t want campus police called on me or something. Anyway I hid in the closet for hours since it’s dark, no one’s gonna go in there, and it’s small, and I decided to sleep there since I think it’s weird to have a roomate on the other side of the room who could watch me sleep.
Aand now it’s today. Luckly I only have one class today and it’s in a few more hours, but I still don’t feel great so not sure how I’m going to get work done and not get behind
I don’t like college
You have made that first step and it is the most important one.
It helps to try to find the positives in the whole situation and keep the focus on these and treat the negatives like a big fly buzzing around the room - a nuisance that you just need to learn to live with.
There should be some sort of freshers fair with the social clubs trying to get you to join - I would recommend trying to find some that appeal to you and give them a try as these can be a great way to find people with similar interests - often other neurodivergents.
If you can keep that mindset then it makes the education system so much more tolerable.
Good on you for showing up. Just keep doing that for now and see how it goes. You'll need a bit of time to get into the new routine. Get plenty of rest in your down time.
My daughter started uni last year. She had her little script ready to introduce herself to strangers: "Hi, I'm L—. How do you like it so far?", something simple like that. She made some nice friends and she's looking forward to going back again in a couple of weeks.
First days being new anywhere (school, college, work) can be a shock to a person's system - more so for an Autistic person.
I am really sorry to hear that today made you feel that you don't like college. That isn't a comfortable thing to need to say - so I am glad you were OK to say that to us here when it bothered you so much today.
Experiencing new beginnings; it can take a while to make people feel accustomed to all the things requiring some adjustment.
With something like starting college there can be such a mix of emotions in anticipation of starting the change of pace and style of learning - all at once; often a mix of excitement, confusion and anxiousness (which doesn't always mean we are easily able to operate as our best selves and cope well when we are also trying to: absorb new information, the ways of new people, establishing new routines and navigating new environments).
In anticipating something new which is important to us; we sometimes build quite a vivid and detailed picture in our imagination about what we think things will be like. We will have invested time, research and a lot of emotions into building that picture and managing our own expectations based upon that picture we had built for ourselves.
Sometimes, our internal picture of a new experience is of comfort and prepares us well. Other times, our internal picture can risk making us a bit rigid in our thinking, it can be hard for us to be flexible and easily adaptable about things we encounter which do not live up to our expectations.
That can be upsetting, or disappointing for people - but that is also usually a stage before we have had a chance to reflect upon things, regulate ourselves, talk with people about it, and then work through some creative problem solving - the outcome of which could mean we have been surprised to discover thst: some reasonable adjustments might be appropriate (some we can manage and control, others with which we might need support from college).
It is so important that you have reached out to the community here to tet people know how you are feeling about things at the moment.
I am hoping that you have also been able to do the same to someone in the real World too - both a loved one and a support service at college.
When it comes to new environments like college; we can experience pressure (even if it is self-imposed rather than the expectations of other people) which makes us feel the need to "fit in" by doing things a particular way which we had not anticipated (how could we know? - we hadn't been there before - it is a new thing to us).
It can be helpful to remind ourselves several things:
1. You don’t have to do what everyone else does.
(Think: which reasonable adjustments could I try?).
2. To make friends, find the common ground.
(Think: the likelihood is; you are not the only person who found things difficult - there can be solace, solidarity and friendship to be found in talking to fellow students with whom you feel comfortable).
3. Do your research.
(Think: are there learning resources I might have yet to discover, is there a map / module syllabus / timetable to print which which would better support planning / calendar management / executive function ing / where are the contacts for additional support, and what about addressing anxiety relief - things I could relax over / calming places I could use).
4. Talk to the staff.
(Think: the staff want me to become a student at ease in college and who can thrive, plus, they will know that new students can take a while to settle into college and some troubleshooting may be required in support of some students).
5. This is an opportunity, not just a difficulty!
(Think: college is not just a problem / hurdle / barrier to overcome - rather; it is a pathway to interesting things I want to do next in my life).
The early days of many worthwhile things can feel a bit of an emotional rollercoaster - but we are usually talking about experiencing that discomfort over a relatively small number.of days out of the expanse of the whole college experience and what that had to offer us.
(Personal reflection:
Before I started my college course; I hadn't anticipated that women would only be 6% of the students on my course. I had not imagined so low a ratio of women to men students. At first that was an unsettling realisation as I was not accustomed to that environment. Before long, I found I actually preferred thr balance that way - I found guys tended to be a bit more direct in how they spoke to each other and me too. That suited the undiagnosed Autistic me better than a high bias to mostly female group. Quickly my fellow students became like an extended set of the brothers I had not had access to before. With my large rumble of brothers in tow - I was safe to visit and experience places in the city which I would never have attempted to do so as a solo woman / mostly female friendship group. I made my career in environments in mostly male sectors - because college had taught me something which I could not have anticipated - "Autistic me" happened to cope better in mostly male teams (OK banter and often what you see is what you get) and tended to struggle in mostly female teams (can be too much small talk, not a fashionista and they can still be stewing over something which someone may have said over 3 months ago ...apparently). Still true for me today - honourary brothers are more likely to be "my people"!).
Our community here potentially gives you support access to a huge problem-solving resource pool from across the generations of individual Autistic people - who are perhaps more likely to "get it".
When you have had a chance to think things over your own way; maybe you could challenge us to further consider some of the top topics currently featuring on your virtual "I don't like college" league table?
In the meantime ...sending to you a virtual hug (just because it sounded as though you might have needed one).