College

First days being new anywhere (school, college, work) can be a shock to a person's system - more so for an Autistic person.

I am really sorry to hear that today made you feel that you don't like college.  That isn't a comfortable thing to need to say - so I am glad you were OK to say that to us here when it bothered you so much today.

Experiencing new beginnings; it can take a while to make people feel accustomed to all the things requiring some adjustment.

With something like starting college there can be such a mix of emotions in anticipation of starting the change of pace and style of learning - all at once; often a mix of excitement, confusion and anxiousness (which doesn't always mean we are easily able to operate as our best selves and cope well when we are also trying to: absorb new information, the ways of new people, establishing new routines and navigating new environments).

In anticipating something new which is important to us; we sometimes build quite a vivid and detailed picture in our imagination about what we think things will be like.  We will have invested time, research and a lot of emotions into building that picture and managing our own expectations based upon that picture we had built for ourselves.

Sometimes, our internal picture of a new experience is of comfort and prepares us well.  Other times, our internal picture can risk making us a bit rigid in our thinking, it can be hard for us to be flexible and easily adaptable about things we encounter which do not live up to our expectations. 

That can be upsetting, or disappointing for people - but that is also usually a stage before we have had a chance to reflect upon things, regulate ourselves, talk with people about it, and then work through some creative problem solving - the outcome of which could mean we have been surprised to discover thst: some reasonable adjustments might be appropriate (some we can manage and control, others with which we might need support from college).

It is so important that you have reached out to the community here to tet people know how you are feeling about things at the moment.

I am hoping that you have also been able to do the same to someone in the real World too - both a loved one and a support service at college.

When it comes to new environments like college; we can experience pressure (even if it is self-imposed rather than the expectations of other people) which makes us feel the need to "fit in" by doing things a particular way which we had not anticipated (how could we know? - we hadn't been there before - it is a new thing to us).

It can be helpful to remind ourselves several things:

1. You don’t have to do what everyone else does.

(Think: which reasonable adjustments could I try?).

2. To make friends, find the common ground.

(Think: the likelihood is; you are not the only person who found things difficult - there can be solace, solidarity and friendship to be found in talking to fellow students with whom you feel comfortable).

3. Do your research.

(Think: are there learning resources I might have yet to discover, is there a map / module syllabus / timetable to print which which would better support planning / calendar management / executive function ing / where are the contacts for additional support, and what about addressing anxiety relief - things I could relax over / calming places I could use).

4. Talk to the staff.

(Think: the staff want me to become a student at ease in college and who can thrive, plus, they will know that new students can take a while to settle into college and some troubleshooting may be required in support of some students).

5. This is an opportunity, not just a difficulty!

(Think: college is not just a problem / hurdle / barrier to overcome - rather; it is a pathway to interesting things I want to do next in my life).

The early days of many worthwhile things can feel a bit of an emotional rollercoaster - but we are usually talking about experiencing that discomfort over a relatively small number.of days out of the expanse of the whole college experience and what that had to offer us.

(Personal reflection:

Before I started my college course; I hadn't anticipated that women would only be 6% of the students on my course.  I had not imagined so low a ratio of women to men students.  At first that was an unsettling realisation as I was not accustomed to that environment.  Before long, I found I actually preferred thr balance that way - I found guys tended to be a bit more direct in how they spoke to each other and me too.  That suited the undiagnosed Autistic me better than a high bias to mostly female group.  Quickly my fellow students became like an extended set of the brothers I had not had access to before.  With my large rumble of brothers in tow - I was safe to visit and experience places in the city which I would never have attempted to do so as a solo woman / mostly female friendship group.  I made my career in environments in mostly male sectors - because college had taught me something which I could not have anticipated - "Autistic me" happened to cope better in mostly male teams (OK banter and often what you see is what you get) and tended to struggle in mostly female teams (can be too much small talk, not a fashionista and they can still be stewing over something which someone may have said over 3 months ago ...apparently).  Still true for me today - honourary brothers are more likely to be "my people"!).

Our community here potentially gives you support access to a huge problem-solving resource pool from across the generations of individual Autistic people - who are perhaps more likely to "get it".

When you have had a chance to think things over your own way; maybe you could challenge us to further consider some of the top topics currently featuring on your virtual "I don't like college" league table?

In the meantime ...sending to you a virtual hug (just because it sounded as though you might have needed one).

First days being new anywhere (school, college, work) can be a shock to a person's system - more so for an Autistic person.

I am really sorry to hear that today made you feel that you don't like college.  That isn't a comfortable thing to need to say - so I am glad you were OK to say that to us here when it bothered you so much today.

Experiencing new beginnings; it can take a while to make people feel accustomed to all the things requiring some adjustment.

With something like starting college there can be such a mix of emotions in anticipation of starting the change of pace and style of learning - all at once; often a mix of excitement, confusion and anxiousness (which doesn't always mean we are easily able to operate as our best selves and cope well when we are also trying to: absorb new information, the ways of new people, establishing new routines and navigating new environments).

In anticipating something new which is important to us; we sometimes build quite a vivid and detailed picture in our imagination about what we think things will be like.  We will have invested time, research and a lot of emotions into building that picture and managing our own expectations based upon that picture we had built for ourselves.

Sometimes, our internal picture of a new experience is of comfort and prepares us well.  Other times, our internal picture can risk making us a bit rigid in our thinking, it can be hard for us to be flexible and easily adaptable about things we encounter which do not live up to our expectations. 

That can be upsetting, or disappointing for people - but that is also usually a stage before we have had a chance to reflect upon things, regulate ourselves, talk with people about it, and then work through some creative problem solving - the outcome of which could mean we have been surprised to discover thst: some reasonable adjustments might be appropriate (some we can manage and control, others with which we might need support from college).

It is so important that you have reached out to the community here to tet people know how you are feeling about things at the moment.

I am hoping that you have also been able to do the same to someone in the real World too - both a loved one and a support service at college.

When it comes to new environments like college; we can experience pressure (even if it is self-imposed rather than the expectations of other people) which makes us feel the need to "fit in" by doing things a particular way which we had not anticipated (how could we know? - we hadn't been there before - it is a new thing to us).

It can be helpful to remind ourselves several things:

1. You don’t have to do what everyone else does.

(Think: which reasonable adjustments could I try?).

2. To make friends, find the common ground.

(Think: the likelihood is; you are not the only person who found things difficult - there can be solace, solidarity and friendship to be found in talking to fellow students with whom you feel comfortable).

3. Do your research.

(Think: are there learning resources I might have yet to discover, is there a map / module syllabus / timetable to print which which would better support planning / calendar management / executive function ing / where are the contacts for additional support, and what about addressing anxiety relief - things I could relax over / calming places I could use).

4. Talk to the staff.

(Think: the staff want me to become a student at ease in college and who can thrive, plus, they will know that new students can take a while to settle into college and some troubleshooting may be required in support of some students).

5. This is an opportunity, not just a difficulty!

(Think: college is not just a problem / hurdle / barrier to overcome - rather; it is a pathway to interesting things I want to do next in my life).

The early days of many worthwhile things can feel a bit of an emotional rollercoaster - but we are usually talking about experiencing that discomfort over a relatively small number.of days out of the expanse of the whole college experience and what that had to offer us.

(Personal reflection:

Before I started my college course; I hadn't anticipated that women would only be 6% of the students on my course.  I had not imagined so low a ratio of women to men students.  At first that was an unsettling realisation as I was not accustomed to that environment.  Before long, I found I actually preferred thr balance that way - I found guys tended to be a bit more direct in how they spoke to each other and me too.  That suited the undiagnosed Autistic me better than a high bias to mostly female group.  Quickly my fellow students became like an extended set of the brothers I had not had access to before.  With my large rumble of brothers in tow - I was safe to visit and experience places in the city which I would never have attempted to do so as a solo woman / mostly female friendship group.  I made my career in environments in mostly male sectors - because college had taught me something which I could not have anticipated - "Autistic me" happened to cope better in mostly male teams (OK banter and often what you see is what you get) and tended to struggle in mostly female teams (can be too much small talk, not a fashionista and they can still be stewing over something which someone may have said over 3 months ago ...apparently).  Still true for me today - honourary brothers are more likely to be "my people"!).

Our community here potentially gives you support access to a huge problem-solving resource pool from across the generations of individual Autistic people - who are perhaps more likely to "get it".

When you have had a chance to think things over your own way; maybe you could challenge us to further consider some of the top topics currently featuring on your virtual "I don't like college" league table?

In the meantime ...sending to you a virtual hug (just because it sounded as though you might have needed one).