My first day of actual classes was today.
I don’t like college
My first day of actual classes was today.
I don’t like college
How did it go?
Nothing bad actually happened so I guess it went fine but it still didn’t feel fine.
I only had three class - first 2 right after eachother starting at 10:30, then the third was at 3. So I didn’t have to get up super early and wasn’t rushed. My first class was over 100 students and was loud but I thought I was listening well until a student asked a question about a reading we have before wensday which I didn’t know about (and still don’t) so then I started using my lecture recording accommodation.
Then I walked to my next class but it was the wrong building so led to a cleaning closet, but I found someone to help me find the real place. That class we had to do group discussions and I actually participated (an accomplishment) but my group said they couldn’t hear me, and that made me upset since even when I can work past the anxiety, the communication differences, the selective mutism, then I still can’t communicate properly because I can’t control my volume. I will feel like I’m shouting but everyone hears a whisper.
Then I had lunch with my middle school friend. It was very crowded there and the pasta place wouldn’t come take my order so I got pizza instead but held up the line for like 5 minutes cause I couldn’t get the pizza slice off the rest of the pizza. Then I had to eat it with a fork and butter knife because that pizza was not normal and wouldn’t be eaten correctly (lol). Anyway, then I had 2 hours where I was gonna work on assignments till my last class but I ended up not being able to do anything since I was so dysregulated.
Went to last class and was in a shutdown. Had to introduce myself but couldn’t very well (because of shutdown, but again still accomplishment I could speak at all). The lights in there gave me a really bad headache that I still have now.
Went back to dorm but same friend as before wanted to play pool (8-ball? Billiards?), and that actually calmed a little bit. So then I thought I’d be fine to go to the festival in the grass area with my Roomate who invited me (since everyone at school keeps saying how important it is to get involved in activities) but I left after like 10 minutes cause I felt like I’d have a meltdown.
Then the verge of meltdown feeling stayed for the rest of the day and I was trying really hard not to have one, since mine are more stereotypical and I don’t want campus police called on me or something. Anyway I hid in the closet for hours since it’s dark, no one’s gonna go in there, and it’s small, and I decided to sleep there since I think it’s weird to have a roomate on the other side of the room who could watch me sleep.
Aand now it’s today. Luckly I only have one class today and it’s in a few more hours, but I still don’t feel great so not sure how I’m going to get work done and not get behind
The first days are the hardest as it is all new to you and the processes are unfamiliar. At least now you have the experience to avoid the same mistakes in future, so there is something positive to take from it.
The lights in there gave me a really bad headache that I still have now.
I found a baseball cap was great for this - kept the light out of my eyes and made it feel more like I was watching TV somehow so was easier to manage.
I can’t control my volume. I will feel like I’m shouting but everyone hears a whisper.
Hopefully this just takes practice and making a mental note of what it feels like at the correct volume. Patience is required but it does need a lot of practice.
One technique I was trained in that works well is learning to speak from the diaphram (the one below your lungs, not the birth control type...) - it gives a remarkable amount of power to the voice.
a student asked a question about a reading we have before wensday which I didn’t know about (and still don’t)
I would recommend speaking to the lecturers after class and asking them where to find the details of what is required as you feel like you have not been given it. Chances are someone messed up or you missed some details in the notes you got, but this is a chance to meet the people running the classes and practice your self confidence in communicating with them.
Overall expect this first week to be tough, but learn from your mistakes, plan how to make things better / easier on yourself and then you will have the capacity to start to enjoy it.
It does get better.
Hats are allowed in college?
I think you get to do what you want in college (within reason). You're all adults, after all.
I hear you on the glasses front. Those glasses are designed for everyone except those who wear glasses! You could get clip-on filters, but a) they're heavy, and b) who wants to be seen wearing them? Go with those good suggestions of a cap or visor.
Another option: is a fabric (avoid straw as it is scratchy and cannot cope well with water) sports sun vizor / visor - like women tennis / golf players tend to wear.
This gives you a peak to shield your eyes but there is no "crown" over the top of your head (as a baseball cap has).
This is cooler for indoor wear, can easily fit in your bookbag, they are available in different lengths of the peak shadowing your eyes and you can still wear your regular glasses.
I often wear one in a library with bright overhead lighting.
They are available in a range of different colours.
Hats are allowed in college? They weren’t in highschool because hats=emotionally unstable person in their minds. Thats a good tip. I was going to try blue light glasses from the library’s sensory kit but I wear regular glasses so it won’t work well
Hats are allowed in college? They weren’t in highschool because hats=emotionally unstable person in their minds. Thats a good tip. I was going to try blue light glasses from the library’s sensory kit but I wear regular glasses so it won’t work well
Hats are allowed in college?
I think you get to do what you want in college (within reason). You're all adults, after all.
I hear you on the glasses front. Those glasses are designed for everyone except those who wear glasses! You could get clip-on filters, but a) they're heavy, and b) who wants to be seen wearing them? Go with those good suggestions of a cap or visor.
Another option: is a fabric (avoid straw as it is scratchy and cannot cope well with water) sports sun vizor / visor - like women tennis / golf players tend to wear.
This gives you a peak to shield your eyes but there is no "crown" over the top of your head (as a baseball cap has).
This is cooler for indoor wear, can easily fit in your bookbag, they are available in different lengths of the peak shadowing your eyes and you can still wear your regular glasses.
I often wear one in a library with bright overhead lighting.
They are available in a range of different colours.
