Question about stimming

Thanks to all who replied. I'm much clearer now and have decided I'm not going to try and get my son to moderate his stimming at the football. It's not hurting anyone and if it makes him feel better then all good. :-) 

Thanks so much for the resources - very helpful. 

Thanks for the advice. You're right - I'm going to leave it for now. It's not causing anyone any harm, so I'll let him continue to stim at football matches. It'll be interesting to see how he gets on at college and if anyone mentions it to him. To be fair, in certain situations he doesn't really stim very much - in restaurants for example. 

When I am in difficult environments like the bus, the supermarket and a medical appointment waiting room I sometimes wear one of the Sunflower Hidden Disabilities products - so the good people around me can realise that my different behaviour and heightened level of anxiety might welcome some awareness, understanding and support.

This strategy e.g. Hidden Disabilities Lanyard is about managing the behaviour of other people rather than that of myself.

Your son is already managing his stimming.

If he chose to do so, your son could try one and see what he thinks about if it is helpful.  Some trained venues participating in the scheme offer a Sunflower lanyard for free.  For example, the customer service desk in either larger shopping centres or at larger supermarket branches (I got one from a larger Sainsbury's).

https://hdsunflower.com/uk/insights/post/for-people-with-non-visible-disabilities

I agree. I grew up not stimming at all because it would have looked odd, I was self-conscious and I was in an environment where it would have been pointed out to me that I was doing something "wrong". Now I stim a lot at home and it feels great. For example, flapping my hand in front of my eyes really helps me to clear my thoughts and move on to something else. It's a much simpler, more effective and stress-free alternative to trying to do the same thing entirely without moving.

I'm trying to get over my inhibitions, so that I can stim in public for my own benefit and to hell with the naysayers. If they feel uncomfortable, it's their problem ... or so I intend to tell myself. I aspire to do what dbillyd's son is doing. He's my hero! 

There are so many different things which can be regulating for an Autistic person and could be described as stimming.

I use different techniques depending upon where I am and how I am coping.

Some techniques are silent and less visible - but that is not about the perception of other people.

Sometimes people can assume stimming is about a negative situation - but that is not the whole story either - as there are some stims I might only use as part of experiencing Autistic joy.

Some very "ordinary" activities can be part of stimming for Autistic people e.g. doodling.

Noticing some of my stims can help me to dial-in better to where my: mind / emotions / stress /:energy / self-care / safeguarding alert needs might be - like a display dial - in a way I cannot more directly access otherwise.

For me, the greater part of stimming csn be about actually giving my mind more to do to facilitate my concentration or relaxation (say; in a meeting, training course, waiting somewhere).

It can be helpful to change the terminology as it can influence how you think about it- stimming versus self-stimulating versus self-regulating.

Another important point: repressing / suppressing stimming can be a feature of masking to "fit in".  Masking can be harmful to good mental health for Autistic people (more about masking via the last link).

Some resources which may express stimming more clearly:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/about-autism/repeated-movements-and-behaviour-stimming

https://www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/health-and-lifestyle/stimming/

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking

It's good that no one has said anything and it's great your supportive of your son. My advice would be if your son is happy with it - leave the stimming alone. Adults stim too and I think it just needs to become more accepted. But he is your son and your lives. I doubt a stress ball would replace stimming but only your son could truly answer that question.

To be fair, no one around us has said anything - in fact, we're in a pretty friendly area of the ground and most of the people sitting around us would be quite accommodating to my son. We've been going for three years and it's just something I've noticed happening more frequently - also, with him being almost an adult I think it becomes more noticeable. That's why I was wondering if there was something like a stress ball that he would feel comfortable with and could 'replace' the stimming. 

I think he's happy to continue as he is, as I'm sure he doesn't realise he's drawing attention to himself. But I'm just concerned that in the long-run it might have a negative impact on him. He's been home schooled since he was 13 as he has social anxiety and struggled at mainstream school. He will be starting college in September and longer term, hopefully will be able to get a job somewhere. I'm just thinking that if he can manage his stimming then it will be better for him. Yes, safety could be an issue if I'm not with him and he's alone on the bus for example. 

I get where your coming from but I wouldn't feel comfortable giving advice to reduce stimming. It is something that is regulating for autistic people and it is the public not the autistic individual that needs educating on that. I know life isn't always as simple as that and I'm certainly not having a go at you for wanting to support him. It is a shame that people in public can't just mind their business and let people be people. In a situation like a football match (I'm assuming he likes football) I'd imagine the stimming is through excitement. I'm just not sure a fidget toy or stress ball would replace a stim. Some people do hold in their stims but it can be exhausting and unpleasant. 

What is your son's opinion on his own stimming? You mention that he's not aware that he's doing it, but has he asked you to help him find a way to change or stop? Is he happy to continue on as he is? I can't help feeling that other people are the problem here, not him. But, if you are concerned for his safety—that he might attract the wrong attention—then there is probably no harm in discussing it with him and seeing if he wants to find alternative ways to self regulate. If so, redirecting his simming to something like a fidget toy (as Iain suggested), could be a good idea if he wants to be more discrete.

dbillyd said:

I realise that with him being 17 he is drawing attention to himself.

He may appreciate being able to use stim toys which will keep his hands busy and should give him a different outlet for that energy.

There is a good list of options here:

https://aheartforallstudents.com/stim-toys-autism/

If you decide on any of these then I suggest researching them further as there is a wide range or prices and options for most of them, so check the ususal retailers (Amazon, eBay etc) just to get an idea of what is available before buying.

He may need time to adapt to this different fidget outlet or it may not work, but there are plenty of other options to try. If he really can't stop his current stimming and it is an issue for him then some therapy with someone who understand autism well could be a good move.