Request for help

sorry for the aside in advance. Charachteristic interests can be transient or enduring. What you want to assess is the intensity of the interest, and whether or not that level of interest would be matched by the next guy...

Regarding special interests, I think this tends to be more male orientated from what I've read.  I have a 13 yr old on the spectrum and her 'special 'interests' aren't obvious but if you looked deeper you'd seen a tendency to preoccuppation with certain tv programmes and her teddy bear who she treats like a baby.  Other things tend to come and go quickly - for example, she spent 6 hours making paper chains once but then didn't do them again! 

I've no idea about family behaviour because who knows what is normal?  I'd say mine isn't typical but I know a lot of people who'd also say the same.  My only tip would be to be genuinely interested in people and what they have to say and if you find that hard, perhaps you need to think about how important it is to you?  My sister, for example, is very loving and caring towards a few select people but wont give the time of day to most and she's happy with that.

People are very closely influenced by their family context, whether that sets the pattern of their own behaviours, or decides for them what they want to avoid in future. 

In modern times most families seem to be disfunctional in one way or another. I think people may find it hard to understand what you mean by a normal family, especially as some people posting on here are on the autistic spectrum and grew up with socialisation difficultuies that affected their view of the family. I might be wrong in this conclusion, but I don't think what you are seeking is readily recognisable - others may be able to offer better understanding.

Sometimes though analysis of the past isn't helpful because you are stuck in your own perception of it, and may not have the other perspectives.

The other thing I'd comment on is "special interest" - yes it does apply to some people, but it is largely a diagnostic tool. Not everyone would recognise what they do a lot of as "special interest". Sometimes it provides security and safety from change. Others are driven to acquire or organise information. Others are just good at some things they are happy with. "special interest" isn't necessarily a good phrase for this, its just a buzz word amongst professionals.

Hi

Thank you for replying. 

I already know I am bad at reading/making sense of body language - it is something I definitely have in common with autistic people, whether or not I am one, which is why I think autistic people could help me.  However, there are other indicators for autism which I don't think I have (e.g. the special interest - I don't have one, in fact I can find pretty much anything interesting if it's explained in a way I can follow as a non specialist)

The problem is that my family was not normal.  When i was growing up I didn't see what a normal happy family did when it's at home - and most of the examples of families you see in books etc aren't happy so it's difficult to make sense of external examples to give me a script.  I am guessing that other people here have grown up in normal happy families and can tell me how they are supposed to work.  This will mean that I can work out a script for that sort of situation, which at the moment is hard for me - even if I'm with a normal family, they are doing "with a guest" behaviour, which isn't always the same as "not with a guest" behaviour.

So I'm hoping someone can tell me about how the "not with a guest" behaviour works for a family that is working properly.  Does this make sense?

It may be important to determine how good you are at reading non-verbal information as well as generating it. By that I mean picking up the information people convey by facial expressions, as well as whether you are doing things right.

I appreciate it is difficult to determine differences when surrounded by family and close friends who may have made allowances for any difficulty you have.

If you are comfortable doing it, and can avoid drawing attention to yourself and people objecting, it is helpful to watch other people chatting, especially a young crowd in a cafe or on a bus or train. If you can do this discretely, you will often see more than the usual amount of non-verbal activity. Older adults tend to become more reserved and restricted about how they use facial expression.

A group of young people are more likely to show a wider range of facial expressions, voice intonations and gestures, and to be more active at timing when they contribute, playing off each other, teasing etc. You are likely to see a lot of overly emphasised smiles or scowls, more pointing and shrugging, and general animated behaviour.  If a lot of what you see in such situations is unfamiliar to you it probably means you didn't do enough of it at that age.

So perhaps you are more likely to be on the autistic spectrum.