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Request for help

Moniker

Hi

I am hoping that autistic people might be able to help me out.  Basically, my problem is that I can't read faces or tones of voice, and my family while I was growing up was not usual, so I have no idea how a normal family "scripts" - as in, when they say something, what are the sort of responses they expect.

e.g. someone comes home from work and tells you about a problem they are having.  The expected script is that you will make sympathetic noises and say things that make them feel good about themself. My standard response to being told about a problem was to suggest how to fix it, which is not following the expected script in this case (and winds people up as a result) and once I knew the expected script I could respond appropriately.

I'm hoping that autistic people have some expertise in figuring things like this out so please tell me what scripts you know.  I'm female, which I suspect makes a difference.  Thank you!

NB1 If anyone is interested, I'm seeing a psychologist who thinks I may be autistic myself, but I have never been assessed and my childhood was so far from normal, I don't know if my lack of body language is a result of that instead.

Parents

  • It may be important to determine how good you are at reading non-verbal information as well as generating it. By that I mean picking up the information people convey by facial expressions, as well as whether you are doing things right.

    I appreciate it is difficult to determine differences when surrounded by family and close friends who may have made allowances for any difficulty you have.

    If you are comfortable doing it, and can avoid drawing attention to yourself and people objecting, it is helpful to watch other people chatting, especially a young crowd in a cafe or on a bus or train. If you can do this discretely, you will often see more than the usual amount of non-verbal activity. Older adults tend to become more reserved and restricted about how they use facial expression.

    A group of young people are more likely to show a wider range of facial expressions, voice intonations and gestures, and to be more active at timing when they contribute, playing off each other, teasing etc. You are likely to see a lot of overly emphasised smiles or scowls, more pointing and shrugging, and general animated behaviour.  If a lot of what you see in such situations is unfamiliar to you it probably means you didn't do enough of it at that age.

    So perhaps you are more likely to be on the autistic spectrum.

Reply

  • It may be important to determine how good you are at reading non-verbal information as well as generating it. By that I mean picking up the information people convey by facial expressions, as well as whether you are doing things right.

    I appreciate it is difficult to determine differences when surrounded by family and close friends who may have made allowances for any difficulty you have.

    If you are comfortable doing it, and can avoid drawing attention to yourself and people objecting, it is helpful to watch other people chatting, especially a young crowd in a cafe or on a bus or train. If you can do this discretely, you will often see more than the usual amount of non-verbal activity. Older adults tend to become more reserved and restricted about how they use facial expression.

    A group of young people are more likely to show a wider range of facial expressions, voice intonations and gestures, and to be more active at timing when they contribute, playing off each other, teasing etc. You are likely to see a lot of overly emphasised smiles or scowls, more pointing and shrugging, and general animated behaviour.  If a lot of what you see in such situations is unfamiliar to you it probably means you didn't do enough of it at that age.

    So perhaps you are more likely to be on the autistic spectrum.

Children
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