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New here awaiting official diagnosis

Dysmindwill

Hi I’m Cee, 

I have lots of depression and my mental health team seem adamant I’m autistic. It makes sense I guess. I’ve struggled forever. I feel broken though. Like I don’t belong and never will belong and the world isn’t made for me. I have a 12 year old son. I self harm too. Everything is getting worse. I struggle to talk verbally. I’m now on summer holidays from work. I saw my physiatrist today but it didn’t go well. I feel like I’m not wanted. I guess I’m not. I’ve attempted suicide a few times. How do you guys cope? I get so many emotions. I feel so alone. 

  • in reply to Dysmindwill

    Hi Cee, I’m sorry you’re struggling at the moment. As you can see from the responses you’ve had, you are not alone. I hope you can get the support you need.

    Best wishes,

    Anna Mod

  • Hello Cee,

    Firstly, I would like to say that you are not alone in feeling like this. I can heavily relate to some of the issues you are facing, such as the feeling of not belonging or even struggling with simply BEING. 
    It’s okay to struggle, and I’m glad that you’re still here with us.

    A thing that I do in times of distress is perhaps a hobby or activity that provides me comfort, such as reading or baking. The feeling of being in my own world and creating something is very fulfilling - or I find that even just doing things with friends and family can help distract me.

    I am young, so unfortunately my advice may not be as wise or helpful as those who have been around for longer - but I hope you know you are wanted and needed. Hopefully this forum can help prove that to you!

    have a wonderful day :)

  • in reply to Karin Mod

    Thanks Karin 

    From what I’ve read so far it all feels doom and gloom. An adult with autism has to deal with it alone. 
    if I was a kid it’d be different. I’m thinking it’s too late for me. Too late to be saved. That make sense? 

  • Hello Dysmindwill,

    Welcome to the forum! I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from depression.

    You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health

    The following information about self harm may be of particular interest: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/self-harm

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.  

    If it’s outside your GP hours call  111 to reach the NHS 111 service:  

    https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/  

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.  

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.   

    If you feel you need more urgent help, our website lists some options you could consider https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help 

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.  

    You can find more information here:  

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

    Best regards,

    Karin Mod

  • in reply to melal

    Thanks both for your replies. I don’t know if I can cope being the way I am much longer. Oh well what will be will be. 

  • Welcome.

    If there is one message I could successfully convey to you; it is that:

    ...you are precious.

    "Precious", in both positive senses of the word:

    "adjective
    of great value; not to be wasted or treated carelessly.
    "precious works of art"
    noun
    used as a term of address for a beloved person.
    "don't be frightened, my precious"."
    (As you get to know our community more, I hope you will come to recognise that you are by no means alone in learning how to navigate that sometimes unusual-seeming world out there).

  • Hey there!

    I am autistic myself and I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. It is an incredibly tough emotion to deal with and scary too. Music helps people a lot and looking for people to look up to aswell. I recommend you watch the Wentworth Miller human rights campaign speech because it talks about a community existing and not being alone. I wish you all the best and take little steps day by day. The fact that you have written in this community already shows progress and I am proud of you! YOU ARE AMAZING!