Stimming

Orangegnome said:

I wondered if I’m making it up and I’m not autistic

I doubted myself and even questioned the professional that assessed me. I believe the fact you constantly question yourself is a clue in itself. I’m not going to tell you not to do it because of course that’s what we do over most things isn’t it? 

Go easy on yourself, it’s hard work having to think through your life to join up the dots. Something brought you to this point. 

Roy said:

my wife is a nurse in her 50’s, she worked in endoscopy for quite a long while

I had an endoscopy last week in hospital. Up the nose and down the throat, this had always been a fear of mine as I struggle with panic attacks which makes my throat feel restricted and in turn feel like being sick. Needless to say I felt ashamed having 4 or 5 people in the room watching a 50 year old have a panic attack and in tears whilst having a complete meltdown.

I am quite proud of myself now though for managing it in a fashion. 

I think sometimes I choose to stim as I know it settles me somehow and sometimes I find myself just doing it randomly. 
As Roy mentioned the very obvious ones I try not to do in public as I may get unwanted negative attention from them. I have my covert stims that unfortunately I don’t have much control over which includes biting the skin around my nails and bit pieces of skin from the right hand side of the inside of my mouth (never the left). I will also pick at labels, cork which I love and I’ve even destroyed a rubber I phone case through picking (other smartphones are available). 
I use rocking slightly and  also did this in my assessment. 

Both, if I’m really stressed it will often be pacing or rocking, when happy it’s  opening and closing my hands, not quite flapping as I would be too conscious of it. I suppose controlling it is all part of masking. There’s still a lot of stigma surrounding stimming, it’s okay for children,  but adults mustn’t, the world only sees autistic children, I often wonder why they never understand that we obviously grow into adults.

Never think you aren’t autistic enough, four years ago I knew nothing about autism, I would have never thought I could possibly be autistic. I was angry with myself afterwards for not recognising it sooner. It was like everything, all of a sudden made sense. I do still doubt myself though.

Yes I am a community nurse too, it’s much easier for me cope being out and about. So it’s not just me that feels the stimming thing can be toned down or up depending on location or company, I’m glad to hear that. As I don’t have a formal diagnosis I wondered if I’m making it up and I’m not autistic enough, but reading here I feel very much the same experience as others! Do you stim for comfort and fun as well as if you are stressed? 

It came up at my assessment, they noticed I would start to rock back and forth, this would stop as soon as I became self aware of it. I would then switch to a less noticeable stim. I’m more comfortable stimming at home, I wouldn’t in public unless it was something unnoticeable. I read one of your earlier posts, my wife is a nurse in her 50’s, she worked in endoscopy for quite a long while, for the last 6 years she has worked in the community as a Community nurse.

lol thanks

Thank you, it means alot to talk with someone who understands how I feel. This is not how life has been for me ever. 

Orangegnome said:

When I feel distressed or tired or overwhelmed it seems wrong to stop myself doing the thing that helps. 

You are 100% absolutely and entirely correct.

Oh I’ll be sure to comment on yours if I have something interesting to add! 

I'm going to start my own thread and not highjack yours 

However I will say, I think I've realised that I sometimes consciously stim, other times unconsciously stim (although I didn't realise that any of it was stimming) or is it??? I don't really know. I am diagnosed ADHD C & ASD this year. I really need to look further into this.....

Yes! I do too. Everyone does it a bit, but thinking about how I behave, especially when I’m on my own, it’s surprised me how much I do it. 

So I've been thinking about stimming over the past few weeks. I didn't think I stimmed at all but having read a little more about it OMG I think I stim a lot. 

Oh I like your reply! Haha! It’s true but also does make me feel self conscious. Yeah there are ones I do that help me clear my head or focus on the thing I need to remember (menopausal woman here) but I think it’s the comforting ones that aren’t so acceptable to others. When I feel distressed or tired or overwhelmed it seems wrong to stop myself doing the thing that helps. 

Sometimes I do it consciously: I decide that I want to do a particular stim because I know it will feel good under the circumstances. For example, my "thought-stopping" stim, where I wave my spread fingers close in front of my open eyes, is one I feel I choose to do because I consciously want to disrupt a thought spiral. I'll use a fidget toy consciously, too.

Sometimes I do it unconsciously: I just find myself doing a stim because I'm anxious or slightly overwhelmed. For example, I'll be opening and closing my hands rapidly when I'm out walking if my mind is not feeling settled. I notice I'm doing it, I just don't feel that it was something I decided to do.

Keep doing what feels good; you're not hurting anyone. Their embarrassment is their problem, not yours. If sucking your thumb works for you, then, well, your other fingers are free to express how you feel about their disapproval!