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Stimming

Orangegnome

Hi I’d like to ask a question related to stimming. Is it something you feel you consciously or unconsciously  choose to do? I do find myself rocking or stimming with my hands without even thinking about it, but also will reach for my favourite cuddly toy as the material feels so nice to me, and that one is definitely consciously choosing to do it. I know that I have always stimmed a lot but sadly mask when with others as it makes me worry what people will assume about me. No one thinks it’s normal for a 50 year old woman to suck her thumb but it just feels so good. As someone who isn’t diagnosed but I score very highly in every test I’ve done, this is all new to me as I just thought it was how I was, but adding a lot of things together and researching shows I am definitely on the spectrum and my mind has been crying out for help for a long time. 

Parents

  • It came up at my assessment, they noticed I would start to rock back and forth, this would stop as soon as I became self aware of it. I would then switch to a less noticeable stim. I’m more comfortable stimming at home, I wouldn’t in public unless it was something unnoticeable. I read one of your earlier posts, my wife is a nurse in her 50’s, she worked in endoscopy for quite a long while, for the last 6 years she has worked in the community as a Community nurse.

  • in reply to Roy

    Yes I am a community nurse too, it’s much easier for me cope being out and about. So it’s not just me that feels the stimming thing can be toned down or up depending on location or company, I’m glad to hear that. As I don’t have a formal diagnosis I wondered if I’m making it up and I’m not autistic enough, but reading here I feel very much the same experience as others! Do you stim for comfort and fun as well as if you are stressed? 

Reply
  • in reply to Roy

    Yes I am a community nurse too, it’s much easier for me cope being out and about. So it’s not just me that feels the stimming thing can be toned down or up depending on location or company, I’m glad to hear that. As I don’t have a formal diagnosis I wondered if I’m making it up and I’m not autistic enough, but reading here I feel very much the same experience as others! Do you stim for comfort and fun as well as if you are stressed? 

Children
  • in reply to Damojo

    I’m going to order an adult stim toy. It’s called the ONO slider, they are not cheap but it will fit in your pocket and they look amazing.

  • in reply to Roy
    Roy said:
    I suppose controlling it is all part of masking.

    Yeah, I think so, too. I only had a few subtle stims (that I only now recognise) until I figured out I was Autistic. My mask was so fixed, that I didn't really stim much, even when I was alone—I just thought I was a bit fidgety and needed to stop. Now, I just let myself do whatever feels nice and stimmy and I'm stimming all the time ... but only when I'm alone. I'm still very self conscious of it, but I'm working a few low-key stims into my more public persona, like the opening and closing of my hands while I'm walking. When I'm on my own, I'll do that with my hands raised up near my head, though, as it feels more effective.

  • in reply to Orangegnome
    Orangegnome said:
    I wondered if I’m making it up and I’m not autistic

    I doubted myself and even questioned the professional that assessed me. I believe the fact you constantly question yourself is a clue in itself. I’m not going to tell you not to do it because of course that’s what we do over most things isn’t it? 

    Go easy on yourself, it’s hard work having to think through your life to join up the dots. Something brought you to this point. 

  • in reply to Orangegnome

    Both, if I’m really stressed it will often be pacing or rocking, when happy it’s  opening and closing my hands, not quite flapping as I would be too conscious of it. I suppose controlling it is all part of masking. There’s still a lot of stigma surrounding stimming, it’s okay for children,  but adults mustn’t, the world only sees autistic children, I often wonder why they never understand that we obviously grow into adults.

    Never think you aren’t autistic enough, four years ago I knew nothing about autism, I would have never thought I could possibly be autistic. I was angry with myself afterwards for not recognising it sooner. It was like everything, all of a sudden made sense. I do still doubt myself though.