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Stimming

Orangegnome

Hi I’d like to ask a question related to stimming. Is it something you feel you consciously or unconsciously  choose to do? I do find myself rocking or stimming with my hands without even thinking about it, but also will reach for my favourite cuddly toy as the material feels so nice to me, and that one is definitely consciously choosing to do it. I know that I have always stimmed a lot but sadly mask when with others as it makes me worry what people will assume about me. No one thinks it’s normal for a 50 year old woman to suck her thumb but it just feels so good. As someone who isn’t diagnosed but I score very highly in every test I’ve done, this is all new to me as I just thought it was how I was, but adding a lot of things together and researching shows I am definitely on the spectrum and my mind has been crying out for help for a long time. 

Parents

  • Sometimes I do it consciously: I decide that I want to do a particular stim because I know it will feel good under the circumstances. For example, my "thought-stopping" stim, where I wave my spread fingers close in front of my open eyes, is one I feel I choose to do because I consciously want to disrupt a thought spiral. I'll use a fidget toy consciously, too.

    Sometimes I do it unconsciously: I just find myself doing a stim because I'm anxious or slightly overwhelmed. For example, I'll be opening and closing my hands rapidly when I'm out walking if my mind is not feeling settled. I notice I'm doing it, I just don't feel that it was something I decided to do.

    Keep doing what feels good; you're not hurting anyone. Their embarrassment is their problem, not yours. If sucking your thumb works for you, then, well, your other fingers are free to express how you feel about their disapproval! Wink

  • in reply to Damojo

    Oh I like your reply! Haha! It’s true but also does make me feel self conscious. Yeah there are ones I do that help me clear my head or focus on the thing I need to remember (menopausal woman here) but I think it’s the comforting ones that aren’t so acceptable to others. When I feel distressed or tired or overwhelmed it seems wrong to stop myself doing the thing that helps. 

  • in reply to Orangegnome
    Orangegnome said:
    When I feel distressed or tired or overwhelmed it seems wrong to stop myself doing the thing that helps. 

    You are 100% absolutely and entirely correct.

  • in reply to Damojo

    Thank you, it means alot to talk with someone who understands how I feel. This is not how life has been for me ever. 

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