I find it easier to know what I don't want from life.
I don't want to live in the same place forever and be constantly reminded of bad memories.
I don't want children, as an autistic guy I know the loneliness, pain and apathy and won't want to pass it on, besides the state of the world.
I don't want to be exploited, an honest, diligent and helpful person can easily be taken advantage of.
I think it's often easier to know what we don't want rather than what we do want, especially if you're not a goal driven person and don't have a particular ambition.
I squandered two decades of my life by not having goals or ambitions.
I squandered two decades of my life by not having goals or ambitions.
But you've probably learned to have goals and ambitions. I sat on a couch for thirteen years (12 hours per day) and, in retrospect, it wasn't all wasted. I did learn that I was on too many stimulants for ADHD, that I was Autistic, that I need to put myself and my needs more forward. Would it have been better if I didn't sit on my couch for that long? Yes. Was it a total waste? No, it was, ultimately, very instructive. It won't happen again, I promise (myself).
This is exactly how I see things. I don’t have any ambitions to become anything. Is it personal achievement that some may strive for? A sense of status in society? Superiority? Nice house, nice car, materialism?
I don't think it has anything to do with demand avoidance, I've never known what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 63 now! I've never had goals or ambitions, they just don't seem to be part of my make up.
I had all the writing things down and highlighting things with a careers advisor, they gave up because my likes and dislikes, the things I'm good at and the things I'm bad at didn't seem to match up with anything. Another thing for me personally is that I tend to be really good at something or really bad.
It's normal to have a load of "what if's" when starting something new, especially somethig as nebulous as dating and to put stumbling blocks in your way.
How do you learn to have goals and ambitions? I think that it's something you either have or not, society likes us to have goals and ambitions,
I think what happens is that those of us who are demand avoidant will look initially at what the potential goal / ambition could be and see one or more thing that are triggered by our PTSD or aversion response and think "nope!".
We often will dismiss what could be a very good thing to do because of one detail we don't want to face or cope with so will often throw the baby out with the bathwater in order to not be faced with the detail.
I'm mulling over going travelling for a few months or getting back into actively dating but can see my subconcious placing lots of little roadblocks in the way, so I am using the following approach.
Get a sheet of A4 paper, write the thing I'm interested in considering in the middle and mind map all the things needed to make it happen, both good and bad.
Once complete I will get another sheet of paper and create 3 columns - one for the bonuses, one for negatives and the third for other stuff I don't know whether will be good or bad.
Once complete I will use a highlighter to mark only the most important elements - green for good, yellow for possibly good, orange for possibly bad and red for bad - most items will not be maked up as they are neutral.
Once complete there will typically be a lot of green / yellow and only a few red - so long as I feel I can manage with these (eg by masking or getting help with) then it helps me know if the goal is worth persuing.
I can then go back to the mind mapping page and work out the process to get there and use the inertia to get things started.
How do you learn to have goals and ambitions? I think that it's something you either have or not, society likes us to have goals and ambitions,
I think what happens is that those of us who are demand avoidant will look initially at what the potential goal / ambition could be and see one or more thing that are triggered by our PTSD or aversion response and think "nope!".
We often will dismiss what could be a very good thing to do because of one detail we don't want to face or cope with so will often throw the baby out with the bathwater in order to not be faced with the detail.
I'm mulling over going travelling for a few months or getting back into actively dating but can see my subconcious placing lots of little roadblocks in the way, so I am using the following approach.
Get a sheet of A4 paper, write the thing I'm interested in considering in the middle and mind map all the things needed to make it happen, both good and bad.
Once complete I will get another sheet of paper and create 3 columns - one for the bonuses, one for negatives and the third for other stuff I don't know whether will be good or bad.
Once complete I will use a highlighter to mark only the most important elements - green for good, yellow for possibly good, orange for possibly bad and red for bad - most items will not be maked up as they are neutral.
Once complete there will typically be a lot of green / yellow and only a few red - so long as I feel I can manage with these (eg by masking or getting help with) then it helps me know if the goal is worth persuing.
I can then go back to the mind mapping page and work out the process to get there and use the inertia to get things started.
This is exactly how I see things. I don’t have any ambitions to become anything. Is it personal achievement that some may strive for? A sense of status in society? Superiority? Nice house, nice car, materialism?
I don't think it has anything to do with demand avoidance, I've never known what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 63 now! I've never had goals or ambitions, they just don't seem to be part of my make up.
I had all the writing things down and highlighting things with a careers advisor, they gave up because my likes and dislikes, the things I'm good at and the things I'm bad at didn't seem to match up with anything. Another thing for me personally is that I tend to be really good at something or really bad.
It's normal to have a load of "what if's" when starting something new, especially somethig as nebulous as dating and to put stumbling blocks in your way.
