Work Disclosure

I manage around 50 staff in-directly, I manage the staff who manage them.   All my staff know i have a diagnosis, some of them have ND themselves be it ASD , ADHD, Dyslexia etc.  

Its up to you wether to disclose, it has helped me in some situations its made no difference in others. HR cant make you disclose its your choice and making you disclose is discrimination itself.  

I took on a significantly under performing team and have had grievances a go go for the last 18 months , its part of being a manager and doing your job and if you care about doing a good job its hugely frustrating and upsetting.   

Most likely your staff have put a grievance in because they dont like being managed not because its you and your ASD but because they are likely lazy and you challenge them.  

Record every conversation in writing and its content, follow up the outcome of the meeting with an email summary of the discussion and actions if you have a performance evaluation system make sure you record peoples professional development requirements on their with actions and mist importantly be consistent with staff, then if they do complain you can be confident you are in solid ground. 

Additionally look at the grievance and ask yourself could I have done something differently and might I in future do it differently next time, it never hurts to self assess!  

Kim said:

I was told I would then be able to bring a bullying complaint against her.

Okay that’s pretty key. I was afraid when I first read your post that opening up to your team would potentially make you vulnerable to bullying, especially by the problematic coworker. But if your HR is prepared to step up to the plate for you if things go poorly, then it’s safer to do it.

I’m glad you asked what their response would be.

Thanks both. I had the meeting with HR today. The grievance seems to be, as you noted, from someone who doesn’t like to be criticised but would happily continue underperforming.

HR think it’s a communication issue ( as usual an autistic person having communication issues) between me and the member of my team who isn’t English and so there is a language barrier. Even though she seems to understand other things very well. 
I think HR will push for me to disclose, I asked if I do and it makes matters worse than what will you do? I was told I would then be able to bring a bullying complaint against her.

 I’m waiting now for HR to respond to my meeting but it could take until next week.

As Iain  has said, I would not tell your team. I don't see that it will help.

If a grievance has been made but HR have told you not to worry, then trust them. It is probably vague or unsubstantiated and just a means to get back at you, which HR has seen through.

While training is always good, especially on how to have difficult conversations, you probably know what you are doing, do trust your judgement and keep going. As long as your expectations are reasonable there is no problem. You could check with HR or management if you need to check.

Your career path is your choice.

Kim said:

I already have what has been described as ‘a difficult team’

This is a bit of longer term advice, but ask your management and HR team for management training - dealing with difficult staff should be a part of this process and they should be able to give you role playing sessions to put into practice what you learn.

I had about 10 years of managing failing teams (that was my speciality) and I came across some complete basket cases as well as more than a few autists (when I look back) and I always found the most effective thing to do was to set 1-2-1 sessions with them and listen to them. Learn how to question them on how they see their performance, how they feel about colleagues / situations / expectations and get to know them before coming up with a plan.

Most of the time you can find out where the issue really lies and it can often be a small tweak to the team dynamics to make a big difference, plus the person feels listened to and taken seriously when most management will just see them as a problem to fix.

It built me many good teams over my time doing this and helped them be happier and better at their jobs while improving the effectiveness of the whole team.

Kim said:

I was told by HR this morning that she has made a grievance against me

I've had plenty of these. It is largely a lashing out by the individual in an attempt to try and protect themselves. Don't take it personally if you can and take advice from HR on how to approach them about it without complicating things further.

Kim said:

I became very anxious and could barely continue the meeting, as I was shutting down.

This is an area your therapist should be able to help you with - teach you techniques to try to compartmentalise the attacks while reading between the lines of what is being said. It takes a lot of practice and role playing to get good at dealing with it.

I would not disclose it to the team however - some can see this as a weakness and will exploit it if they can. Tell your team how you prefer them to communicate and be humble about it - don't dictate but ask nicely.

Are you sure about giving up the management role? It will probably be a pay cut and seen to be a failure when it comes to your career in the company but it you really need to then I guess it is a no brainer. If it is because it is hard then I do suggest learning how to do it as it has application far beyond the workplace and helps no end with dealing with other people in life.

Just my take on what you describe - you do need to do what feels right for you.