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Work Disclosure

Kim

Hello everyone,

 I work as a quality manager, I have a small team of 3 staff, I find this difficult but I thought I was managing them, but recently one of them has been making lots of mistakes and refuses to do the work I give her. So I had a 1 to 1 meeting to chat about it. She over reacted and started to shout at me and dominate the conversation. I became very anxious and could barely continue the meeting, as I was shutting down. 

I was told by HR this morning that she has made a grievance against me. Even though I’m shocked and worried I have been told not to be. That everything will be okay. But the HR manager suggested that one of the outcomes might be that I should inform my team that I am autistic. So far, only the management team know and tend to ignore it which means I am still heavily masking at work. I think it might lead to more problems, as I already have what has been described as ‘a difficult team’. Also non of them have English as a first language so they might not understand the implications.

Previously my therapist suggested that maybe I should tell everyone at work, as it would help prevent misunderstandings from all sides. I would prefer not to have a team and for them to report to another manager, they seem to listen to and like the operations manager because he flatters them.

Does anyone have any advice? Have you been in a similar situation? 

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  • Kim said:
    I already have what has been described as ‘a difficult team’

    This is a bit of longer term advice, but ask your management and HR team for management training - dealing with difficult staff should be a part of this process and they should be able to give you role playing sessions to put into practice what you learn.

    I had about 10 years of managing failing teams (that was my speciality) and I came across some complete basket cases as well as more than a few autists (when I look back) and I always found the most effective thing to do was to set 1-2-1 sessions with them and listen to them. Learn how to question them on how they see their performance, how they feel about colleagues / situations / expectations and get to know them before coming up with a plan.

    Most of the time you can find out where the issue really lies and it can often be a small tweak to the team dynamics to make a big difference, plus the person feels listened to and taken seriously when most management will just see them as a problem to fix.

    It built me many good teams over my time doing this and helped them be happier and better at their jobs while improving the effectiveness of the whole team.

    Kim said:
    I was told by HR this morning that she has made a grievance against me

    I've had plenty of these. It is largely a lashing out by the individual in an attempt to try and protect themselves. Don't take it personally if you can and take advice from HR on how to approach them about it without complicating things further.

    Kim said:
    I became very anxious and could barely continue the meeting, as I was shutting down.

    This is an area your therapist should be able to help you with - teach you techniques to try to compartmentalise the attacks while reading between the lines of what is being said. It takes a lot of practice and role playing to get good at dealing with it.

    I would not disclose it to the team however - some can see this as a weakness and will exploit it if they can. Tell your team how you prefer them to communicate and be humble about it - don't dictate but ask nicely.

    Are you sure about giving up the management role? It will probably be a pay cut and seen to be a failure when it comes to your career in the company but it you really need to then I guess it is a no brainer. If it is because it is hard then I do suggest learning how to do it as it has application far beyond the workplace and helps no end with dealing with other people in life.

    Just my take on what you describe - you do need to do what feels right for you.

Reply
  • Kim said:
    I already have what has been described as ‘a difficult team’

    This is a bit of longer term advice, but ask your management and HR team for management training - dealing with difficult staff should be a part of this process and they should be able to give you role playing sessions to put into practice what you learn.

    I had about 10 years of managing failing teams (that was my speciality) and I came across some complete basket cases as well as more than a few autists (when I look back) and I always found the most effective thing to do was to set 1-2-1 sessions with them and listen to them. Learn how to question them on how they see their performance, how they feel about colleagues / situations / expectations and get to know them before coming up with a plan.

    Most of the time you can find out where the issue really lies and it can often be a small tweak to the team dynamics to make a big difference, plus the person feels listened to and taken seriously when most management will just see them as a problem to fix.

    It built me many good teams over my time doing this and helped them be happier and better at their jobs while improving the effectiveness of the whole team.

    Kim said:
    I was told by HR this morning that she has made a grievance against me

    I've had plenty of these. It is largely a lashing out by the individual in an attempt to try and protect themselves. Don't take it personally if you can and take advice from HR on how to approach them about it without complicating things further.

    Kim said:
    I became very anxious and could barely continue the meeting, as I was shutting down.

    This is an area your therapist should be able to help you with - teach you techniques to try to compartmentalise the attacks while reading between the lines of what is being said. It takes a lot of practice and role playing to get good at dealing with it.

    I would not disclose it to the team however - some can see this as a weakness and will exploit it if they can. Tell your team how you prefer them to communicate and be humble about it - don't dictate but ask nicely.

    Are you sure about giving up the management role? It will probably be a pay cut and seen to be a failure when it comes to your career in the company but it you really need to then I guess it is a no brainer. If it is because it is hard then I do suggest learning how to do it as it has application far beyond the workplace and helps no end with dealing with other people in life.

    Just my take on what you describe - you do need to do what feels right for you.

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