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Letting go of being told I am not normal.

mrs.snooks

I've posted this in my other thread, so sorry if this is against the rules. But I woke up at 4.30am thinking that this was still hurting.

Yesterday, in response to coming out as Autistic, I was told "well, not everyone is normal"

I'm really trying to get my head around this, because of course being autistic, for the life of me, I don't know if they mean that:

1. It is okay to not be normal

2. It is not okay to be not normal

3. Being normal is on a spectrum

4. Being not normal makes me a lesser person.

So, please help me understand.

I'm going to ask the advice of a neurotypical colleague of what was meant by this response. Because it is hurting still.

I mean I know I am not normal. I know I am weird (a comment from Wednesday). But I have a lifetime of this trauma to try and cope with.

I don't know whether I should call it out, feel hurt, feel angry or feel like I am 'making a mountain out of a molehill'. (Do love a good metaphor Rolling eyes) I want to improve how we are viewed in the world, but maybe like my husband advised me: I should not come out as Autistic, because it will come at too great a personal cost.

Yours, feeling sad.

Mrs Snooks

  • What they said is an unhelpful response, but that says more about them than you. 

    I saw something once that was saying, well who wants to be normal? It's not a compliment.. if you try to compliment someone by saying "wow, you are so normal! You've really achieved normalcy!"  I don't think they'd be jumping for joy about that. 

  • in reply to Martin

    Thanks Martin. Wise as always. xx

  • You are not defined by anyone but yourself. Most autistic people spend huge amounts of energy scanning others and then trying to behave as like them as they can. It is a social survival strategy. If you come to the conclusion that what you think and feel is more valid for you than what others think and feel about you, things get a lot easier.

    I found that as I got older I became less and less bothered about what other people thought about me. I suspect it is a natural outcome of increasing maturity and confidence.

  • Ask them what's normal. So many people talk without thinking what their words actually mean. 

    There's no such thing as normal, unless they mean the beige, bland and boring types who try to dress, eat, drink, talk, think and live the same as everyone else they see as 'normal'.

    It sounds like you're your own person and that is a beautiful thing. Be you, be weird and quirky, do what you want to do. The rest are just jealous because they don't have the confidence to do it. It's cool to be different, but there really isn't any such thing as normal, and those who use that term to suppress change or difference are usually just scared of it.

  • in reply to White_Dragon

    Thank you for understanding what it was like. Non-disclosure is generally me too. 

  • I don’t think I would be happy with that remark either at face value.    Not sure what they mean by that, it maybe something they said as they were lost for words in terms of not knowing what to say. I know I have said stuff I’ve regretted as I have not known how  to respond to awkward situations. 
    I’ve noticed a lot of people don’t really think about what they’re saying and have forgotten more or less moments after, especially more extroverted people. If you are anything like me I can spend hours thinking about conversations and what exactly was meant by certain comments. It’s hard going and can be painful but the only way to truly know is to ask the person. Not an easy thing to do I know…..

    I  generally do not disclose anything about myself but then I am a very private person and sometimes very cyclical of others