• Replies 27 replies
  • Subscribers 89 subscribers
  • Views 3113 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Letting go of being told I am not normal.

mrs.snooks

I've posted this in my other thread, so sorry if this is against the rules. But I woke up at 4.30am thinking that this was still hurting.

Yesterday, in response to coming out as Autistic, I was told "well, not everyone is normal"

I'm really trying to get my head around this, because of course being autistic, for the life of me, I don't know if they mean that:

1. It is okay to not be normal

2. It is not okay to be not normal

3. Being normal is on a spectrum

4. Being not normal makes me a lesser person.

So, please help me understand.

I'm going to ask the advice of a neurotypical colleague of what was meant by this response. Because it is hurting still.

I mean I know I am not normal. I know I am weird (a comment from Wednesday). But I have a lifetime of this trauma to try and cope with.

I don't know whether I should call it out, feel hurt, feel angry or feel like I am 'making a mountain out of a molehill'. (Do love a good metaphor Rolling eyes) I want to improve how we are viewed in the world, but maybe like my husband advised me: I should not come out as Autistic, because it will come at too great a personal cost.

Yours, feeling sad.

Mrs Snooks

Parents

  • You are not defined by anyone but yourself. Most autistic people spend huge amounts of energy scanning others and then trying to behave as like them as they can. It is a social survival strategy. If you come to the conclusion that what you think and feel is more valid for you than what others think and feel about you, things get a lot easier.

    I found that as I got older I became less and less bothered about what other people thought about me. I suspect it is a natural outcome of increasing maturity and confidence.

Reply

  • You are not defined by anyone but yourself. Most autistic people spend huge amounts of energy scanning others and then trying to behave as like them as they can. It is a social survival strategy. If you come to the conclusion that what you think and feel is more valid for you than what others think and feel about you, things get a lot easier.

    I found that as I got older I became less and less bothered about what other people thought about me. I suspect it is a natural outcome of increasing maturity and confidence.

Children