Fear of males anxiety sky high

Example. If someone has been bitten badly by a dog, especially if it's more than once, and it's caused lasting trauma then they're likely to have a fear of dogs for life. Asking them to please accept otherwise isn't going to help. They'll never know which dog could suddenly turn.

Not saying that men are like dogs, but hopefully you get where I'm coming from. Most men who feel the need to fly the 'not all men' flag when a woman says she's wary or scared of men are generally nursing a bruised ego. If we know it's not us personally then surely we should be empathising instead of encouraging her to spend time with men in order to 'get over it'.

I will find out on the 23rd  can't come quick enough 

I hope you see some results from this. It's infuriating to not feel heard enough to be taken seriously.

turns out social care needs to add it to their assessment  as it don't have it listed. Found out by the new manager today but his also going to hunt for the original assessment the company did as well. 

I spent so many years campaigning for women who'd been sexually assaulted or raped to be seen by female staff only, I thought we'd won that argument years ago and that hospitals, police and other service had got the message, but it seems that another victory snatched away. Is it done in the name of equality in the workplace, underfunding or what? Don't people realise that the feelings of the victim should come first, not the professional? Trying to force a male professional onto a traumatised victim is abusing them all over again? Then they wonder why so many sex crimes and incidents of DV are unreported, really, is it that hard to understand?

I'm so sorry that you've had such a bad experience with men. My partner was also raped as a 16yr old and throughout her life she has been assaulted, sexualised, touched, catcalled, insulted, disregarded, gaslit and invalidated by men who refuse to see what women have to go through every single day, just for being a woman.

We know it's 'not all men' but it isn't helpful when men say this. How are women supposed know 'which' men and safe and which aren't. Just saying 'it's not me' isn't enough because that's also what the dangerous ones would say. After enough incidents I can understand why some women won't ever go near another man. Statistics show that the vast majority or violent acts are by a man, whether it's a woman or a man that's been attacked, so you're perfectly within your rights to be wary and feel this way.

As men it's on us to change this narrative by our actions and our words. Being aware of our actions and how our presence might make a lone woman feel, giving space when required, treating women equally and calling out other men who behave badly and perpetuate harmful stereotypes.

I really hope that your future experience with men is better than your past and any future male acquaintances are kind and understanding, and you start to feel a little safer in our company, if only to relieve the overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety. 

Thank you. Hopefully soon I may get to move to a new service  where i can control who i have as carers. 

Not all therapies are equal, although they maybe good for some people, finding the right kind of therapy and the right therapist are really important. Another thing about therapy is expectation management, you're not going to get "better" within a few sessions, therapy is for the long haul. It will probably help long term, my own theraputic journey took years and I still stub my toes on bits and pieces I thought were dealt with years ago.  I can honestly say I'm now in a place where I can cope with male doctors etc and that I'd rather have a good male than a poor female doctor or nurse, but there are still places where I draw a line

I don't know what a wrap plan is, so I can't offer anything about it.

yes, nicely put. 

NoodleFrogDuck said:

i like how the cat woman said it

The Catwoman has a particular way with words, for sure 

im so sorry about whats happening to you.  i like how the cat woman said it. a trigger is a trigger. phobias are generally irrational but that doesnt diminish their severity. they are real fears, real traumas. you have EVERY RIGHT to choose who you want to be seen by. for particular things i ask for female doctors.

I in NO WAY am belittling your trigger, but if it helps, just know there are some real gentle amazing souls out there who are currently experiencing life as a male in this lifetime.

best of luck with your journey.    

Many years ago I met a young woman who was very obviously scared of my presence. I later learned she had been raped. I often wonder if she could ever have a normal relationship with a man. Bit we are not all rapists Some of us are very kind snd loving towards women.  Please will you try to accept that  not sll of us men are bad people.

Tried therapy twice for  other reasons both failed now primary care network wants to help but they just want to do a wrap plan.

I went for therapy about ten years ago and stated I'd rather not have a male therapist.  

I was made to feel that I had to explain - in detail - why, which I found to be embarrassing & intrusive.

I was then told that because I'd expressed a preference it was likely I'd have to wait longer for therapy.

When I'd reached the top of the queue, I was contacted & told that there was no female therapist offering that type of therapy available, so I could see a male or nothing. 

I was given the option of making a complaint, which I did - and this came to nothing.


I am not stupid.  I do realise that I can't judge every single male by the sins of (some), but there are more than one reasons why I wanted a female therapist - and it wasn't just about past trauma. 

Of course I do accept that there will be some that will prefer not to have contact with females for good reasons too - it is just a pity that their wishes can't seem to be taken seriously & respected by the services that so many of us rely on & are regularly referred to. 

Well what support workers are telling me is that not all men are bad and you will over come the traumatic. I'm like to my self no I won't they already had pre warnings from me and my mum both saying  i don't want any males doing my support of the fear of been touched and now that has happened.   now there lying saying  they don't know about my preferences   

If you've had a traumatic experience then it's very hard not to associate certain things with the trauma, in your case, men, you may rationally know its not right, but everything else is screaming at you and taking you back to the trauma and warning you that these people are a risk. It's a perfectly normal reaction to a trauma, nobody would tell you stick your fingers in a fire after you'd got badly burned, so why is this normal reaction seen as wrong? Objectively speaking it maybe mistaken as not all men are bad, but whilst recovering from trauma you need to be given the space to emotionally come to terms with things and where men fit into your world. If you feel safe with women and wish only to be treated by them, then that should be OK. It should also be OK for you to take a chaperone of your choice to any meeting that has to be with men for as long as you feel it's needed.