Any autistic project managers here? If so, how do you cope?

Thank you for this response - I am definitely actively working towards improving on my social skills and your advice has been very useful. Thank you!

I’ll have a look at this, thanks again!

Thank you for the advice, I truly appreciate it. I looked at the apm link and it was very useful too!

The IET (Institution of Engineering and Technology) produced a thoughtful document "Understanding neurodivergence at work" which includes suggestions for line managers and individuals - which may be helpful for both you and for the inclusion of other project team members:

www.google.com/url

Autistic_pm_25 said:

I lack social skills. I tend to lack empathy

I'll focus on this part as it seems the most relevant.

I worked as a project manager in IT while performing other managerial roles for 2 decades so found ways to work with my autism.

Firstly I will assume you are certified in one of the main project management methodologies - this will give you the technical skills to do the work using "best practice" although most organisations use this in a very watered down way.

Your job will involve lots of meetings with people to ask questions, get answers that are useable, assign tasks and get updates from them so you can adapt the project for their inevitable failings.

My first rule is to never trust what someone says but to always get it in writing so you can avoid being tripped up by blaggards. If they try to do everything verbally then write to them afterwards and state what you understood from the meeting and ask them to confirm it reflects their situation. This probably needs a lot of chasing but do it by email too and escalate to their manager after 3 missed responses.

You will upset the ones who are trying to blag their way through things but they would happily leave you in a mess of their making anyway so don't take it personally - make sure you are seen as ruthless and relentless so they learn to give in and do their job.

If you find some peope are very evasive in booking meetings then go to their manager and ask if there is a reason that they are unable to provide you the resources you need for the project and they will quickly be told to make the time.

Where you find someone is repeatedly giving you bad information then also go to their manager and ask for someone else. Show the proof that they are repeatedly failing and they are likely to be replaced.

During project update sessions it is important to not let people give half answers or avoid giving what you need - focus on the details you need and ask them directly if they have the info, if not when exactly it will be ready and check all details are filled in when you need it.

Without the info you are setting yourself up for failure so you need to make them uncomfortable if needed since they have been tasked with the job and you are the one who they need to be afraid of upsetting.

At the end of the day you are now middle management and there is little to be gained by being matey with the workers. You can be courteus with them, ask them how they are but always keep the focus on the job in hand. Don't worry if they seem stressed or upset but when this happens speak to their manager and say you noticed they seemed unhappy and could you find out if it is the work or you causing the issue.

You will soon learn what doesn't work - and in doing this speak to your fellow managers and ask for advice on how they deal with these sorts of situations. Your company can also send you on management training courses that specifically cover this sort of thing so you can learn a lot this way.

Ultimately as management you rarely get to have he team like you and include you as they would a colleague. You are not a tool of the company to be viewed with suspicion and are a risk of giving them more work to do so they become much more closed.

Keep your focus on the specifics of the task, what the outcome needs to be and keep tabs to make sure it is delivered on time - lots of little chats with minimal social content are needed.

It took me a long time to be comfortable with the transition to management but once you can accept the change in landscape to essentially them and us then it becomes easier.

It always helps to keep developing your skills - work on your weaknesses (social skills) in your own time and never stop learning.

Welcome. 

This is a thread with which I would be happy to assist you.  However, I believe it would be best approached in bite-sized topics - as most relevant to your area of technology and whether your organisation operates a technical management stream and a people management stream.  (Both streams require project and team management skills).

You can extend your development by e.g.:

- exercising topics of education (by increment),

- by associating yourself with a suitable mentor within your organisation,

- observing role models in your workplace (both during "normal" operation and "abnormal" operation),

- continuously honing your soft-skills, and

- studying relevant project / programme management frameworks.

In the meantime, I thought this page of articles might help you consider, short-list and prioritise topics of further study and development:

https://www.apm.org.uk/jobs-and-careers/career-path/what-does-a-project-manager-do/

There is a lot more to consider, building upon your strengths and then extending out into a new skill / experience area to develop your project management toolkit (preferably with the aid of a "safety net" via an in-house mentor).

I wouldn't encourage you to prejudge / label yourself too harshly with regard to "empathy".  A Team will also notice other approaches with the same destination in mind.

The clue / key involves stripping "empathy" back to a non-judgemental definition, pick it apart, and then find your own style of navigation to the destination or outcome (bringing Team Members with you along the journey).

Empathy: "The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another."

You will note, with relief, that the "empathy" definition neither mentions "telepathy", nor "assumption".

You can can learn to engage with Team Members and build on that knowledge.  They will feel and notice that engagement.  The engagement must be sincere (not Machiavellian / manipulative) at the human level - in order to earn and establish: rapport, respect, loyalty, motivation and trust.

At the strategic project / programme / productivity / performance / outcomes / exception reporting levels ...there will, by operational necessity, be a measure of game plan and negotiation tactical planning and deployment.  (Not to be confused with the human level).

Sometimes the self-awareness of a skillset challenge makes people prone to veer towards embarrassment and self-deprecation.  That is the territory where imposter syndrome lurks ... waiting to curtail or trip up the unwary.  Instead, determine your list of topics to improve, work on them, but avoid the temptation to apologise for them.  Good managers around you ought to realise what you are attempting without requiring your advert!  (Forgive the not so good managers for their limitations, but don't suffer them).