Any autistic project managers here? If so, how do you cope?

Autistic_pm_25 said:

I lack social skills. I tend to lack empathy

I'll focus on this part as it seems the most relevant.

I worked as a project manager in IT while performing other managerial roles for 2 decades so found ways to work with my autism.

Firstly I will assume you are certified in one of the main project management methodologies - this will give you the technical skills to do the work using "best practice" although most organisations use this in a very watered down way.

Your job will involve lots of meetings with people to ask questions, get answers that are useable, assign tasks and get updates from them so you can adapt the project for their inevitable failings.

My first rule is to never trust what someone says but to always get it in writing so you can avoid being tripped up by blaggards. If they try to do everything verbally then write to them afterwards and state what you understood from the meeting and ask them to confirm it reflects their situation. This probably needs a lot of chasing but do it by email too and escalate to their manager after 3 missed responses.

You will upset the ones who are trying to blag their way through things but they would happily leave you in a mess of their making anyway so don't take it personally - make sure you are seen as ruthless and relentless so they learn to give in and do their job.

If you find some peope are very evasive in booking meetings then go to their manager and ask if there is a reason that they are unable to provide you the resources you need for the project and they will quickly be told to make the time.

Where you find someone is repeatedly giving you bad information then also go to their manager and ask for someone else. Show the proof that they are repeatedly failing and they are likely to be replaced.

During project update sessions it is important to not let people give half answers or avoid giving what you need - focus on the details you need and ask them directly if they have the info, if not when exactly it will be ready and check all details are filled in when you need it.

Without the info you are setting yourself up for failure so you need to make them uncomfortable if needed since they have been tasked with the job and you are the one who they need to be afraid of upsetting.

At the end of the day you are now middle management and there is little to be gained by being matey with the workers. You can be courteus with them, ask them how they are but always keep the focus on the job in hand. Don't worry if they seem stressed or upset but when this happens speak to their manager and say you noticed they seemed unhappy and could you find out if it is the work or you causing the issue.

You will soon learn what doesn't work - and in doing this speak to your fellow managers and ask for advice on how they deal with these sorts of situations. Your company can also send you on management training courses that specifically cover this sort of thing so you can learn a lot this way.

Ultimately as management you rarely get to have he team like you and include you as they would a colleague. You are not a tool of the company to be viewed with suspicion and are a risk of giving them more work to do so they become much more closed.

Keep your focus on the specifics of the task, what the outcome needs to be and keep tabs to make sure it is delivered on time - lots of little chats with minimal social content are needed.

It took me a long time to be comfortable with the transition to management but once you can accept the change in landscape to essentially them and us then it becomes easier.

It always helps to keep developing your skills - work on your weaknesses (social skills) in your own time and never stop learning.

Thank you for this response - I am definitely actively working towards improving on my social skills and your advice has been very useful. Thank you!

Thank you for this response - I am definitely actively working towards improving on my social skills and your advice has been very useful. Thank you!