Challenges of being a Hopeless Romantic and Autistic

So you didn't read my paragraph on the mediaeval concept of Courtly Love, then.

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If the rest of you feel differently about romance then thats for you, I have my opinions and I was asked to share so I did, it's not my fault if people don't like it!

U R not hopeless but sometimes so difficult a normal people understand our mind that because we thinking diffirently they underestimate us anyway just ignore it pick your person who U gonna love i have same problem but we can try being friend each other then disscuss about love N romantic as well.

Love it!

mrs.snooks said:

but 1995 was a good year.

1813 was a good year too

TheCatWoman said:

what does the idea of romance give you? To me it's an invention of Hollywood and a way of continuing the patriarchy,

It goes back much longer - pretty much as far as communication and the capacity to have time to daydream in.

I'm pretty sure there would be women (and men) listening to bards telling of fabulous knights and their pure deeds that would have left them longing for this idealisation of the person.

Victorians, thanks to the invention of mass printing) had greater access to works of ficion and romance that appealed to many.

I was a bit of a romantic in my tweens but not classically - I treated my girlfriends withromantic gestures I think because it was one form of social inteaction that I did understand.

As for continuing the patriarchy, I think it does and the female participants actively seem to want it to. Respect their choice is my take on this.

I do love posts that make me think, and I wish I'd thought before commenting yesterday.

TheCatWoman said:

you see their socks on the bathroom floor, bits of breakfast cereal in the kitchen sink from where the bowl has been swished under the tap and left

You see, I don't care.  I don't want a 'Hollywood' fantasy.  It's my fantasy.  

Would it matter to me if someone I cared about dropped their socks or didn't wash their dish?  Not in the slightest.   

If you are meant to be with someone special - why would you let socks and breakfast cereal destroy your special thing?   I think you'd only start looking at things like that if you resented the person you were with.  

I  DO accept it may never happen, but I choose to dream, and part of that dream is that I get to be the author of it.  Two people fitting together, and happy to do whatever it takes to make each other happy.  

I'm not silly enough to pick up a movie or novel & say it has to be just like this.  It wont be.  Because that's someone else's story with dramatic licence to sell media.  But I want to be happy, or at least content, and I'm not going to get there being cynical about everything. 

O&U, sorry but I think that idea of meeting the perfect person and not having to make rules because you understand each other so well, is a Hollywood fantasy and I think a dangerous one that keeps many of us unhappy. After the first few weeks, you sort of come back down to earth and reality strikes, you see their socks on the bathroom floor, bits of breakfast cereal in the kitchen sink from where the bowl has been swished under the tap and left. Mr/Ms Perfect has become an ordinary human being with a collection of annoying habits. You either put up with them and decided that the good stuff outweighs the bad, or you move on to someone else and begin the whole sorry process again, this is the other side of happy ever after or not. The constant search for the opposite side of yourself, one that dosen't have or forgives all you're annoying habits. I think it's dangerous because it encourages us to stay in a state of permanent starry eyed grass is greener somewhere else and blinds us to the reality of being human.

All relationships require compromise, work and doing some things we really don't like and having a partner who is happy and secure enough to do some stuff on thier own and allow you to do so too.

Marriage was seen for  many centuries as a practicle working arrangement, more of a business descision than a romantic one, romance was frowned upon as it rarely gave good outcomes. ROmance was something for the aristocracy who had the leisure for games of courtly love, who were educated enough to write poetry and music for a woman they admired from afar, it was the mediaeval equivalent of celebrity fan mail.

I love this clip. I hope you don't mind me posting it. A serious topic though.

WitchyPrincess06 said:

Has anybody else felt like this?

Do you find it difficult or sometimes uncomfortable in the world dating or even flirting?

Are you looking for love or are you okay being single?

It is a tricky one. Especially, because we are particularly vulnerable in this area. Would no way want to be social media dating. It just sounds horrifying.

WitchyPrincess06 said:

but in the real world with real people

Yes, I married my Mr Darcy. But he can be really grumpy!  - (NOT so smug married)

WitchyPrincess06 said:

When it comes to the topic of love and romantic relationships, I can honestly say I am a hopeless romantic. I love most romcoms and I particularly am a bridgerton fan. In fact one of my hobbies is writing my own stories as I find it a great outlet to let my imagination run wild as I have so much stuff going on in my head and one of the major factors when writing my stories is love & Romance.

Becuase I'm feeling a bit naughty... I'm not sure if this will get passed the moderators. But here goes. Sorry to offend anyone. Did look for a photo only, but all covered by copyright. A disclaimer: not at all appropriate for 2025... but 1995 was a good year.

TheCatWoman said:

what does the idea of romance give you?

It might not be realistic, but after the life I've led so far it would give me a sense of belonging, purpose & unity.

I think that if you found the ideal match, you'd not have to make rules - you'd just get on.  It sounds very appealing. 

Maybe I'm dreaming - but its my dream and with no Hollywood help!  Honestly.  

I'm sorry, but it does, what does the idea of romance give you? To me it's an invention of Hollywood and a way of continuing the patriarchy, even when men are supposed to be romantic too. It's a game who's rules I don't understand at all, and the older I get the less I care too

TheCatWoman said:

I think it's that thing that gives me the ick

I feel as if someone's burst my bubble with a very long needle

I'm not even sure I lnow what romance is, I think it's that thing that gives me the ick, things that others describe as romance either go over my head of make me feel sick.

I met my husband when we were in our teens and we're still together now we're in our sixties. We were introduced by mutual friends who thought we might be a match. I was on a mission to find a boyfriend as like you I've always been a hopeless romantic, but our meeting was not romantic - he was very reserved and I had to ask him if he wanted to go out with me. It obviously developed into love, and although we've not been traditionally "romantic" (no proposal down on one knee or anything like that) I just think that it's romantic that we found each other when we were so young and have always been each other's best friend. It was mostly luck, really, and I wish you luck in finding someone.

Hello! I would like to share something that might help you. I'm 56 and late diagnosed, so I feel like I started backwards. You have just described my love life before I gave It a chance and started having a friend that happened to be a boy. We later got married and then divorced but I can tell you it was worth it. I had written my own life, my own novel, my own love story. The great advantage you have (I think) is that you know why you feel, think and act in certain way. I didn't know I just assumed that I was wrong, and spoiled and couldn't really talk or compromise. 10 years later after the break up,after therapy not knowing yet I was neurodivergent I came back to the dating world with so many wonderful and scary experiences and I don't regret living that too. Then it's easier to decide whether being single or open to new experience, always taking good care of your self.

Nobody here does astrology or owns a crystal ball (as far as I know) and to be honest I don't want some weird reading coming down the internet telling me what my destiny is.  Or do I?  I really don't know. 

These sort of things are what masking used to be for in my world.  I could keep all this to myself and not have to explain further.  But those days are gone.  I've probably got less socially awkward since I stopped masking because I don't have to concentrate on masking too..  

I guess there's much you've said I could agree with.  Dating is uncomfortable.  Since I don't mask anymore, I don't care if I appear to be flirting or not.  I do want to find some utopian dream that lucky people seem to achieve.  I've just don't think I've met 'the' one, with no disrespect to anyone I have met. 

But I do believe that actively looking doesn't necessarily bring results - I've seen desperate sounding people post here and I think its best to let fate decide, rather than trying to force the issue.   

WitchyPrincess06 said:

I can honestly say I am a hopeless romantic.

I guess the notion is fantastic.