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Challenges of being a Hopeless Romantic and Autistic

WitchyPrincess06

When it comes to the topic of love and romantic relationships, I can honestly say I am a hopeless romantic. I love most romcoms and I particularly am a bridgerton fan. In fact one of my hobbies is writing my own stories as I find it a great outlet to let my imagination run wild as I have so much stuff going on in my head and one of the major factors when writing my stories is love & Romance. It's so easy to get lost in all of that, but in the real world with real people... that's a completely different story. I am shy, socially awkward and suffer from social anxiety (as i may or may not have mentioned my previous post.

Plus one thing about me which I think let's me down is I sometimes fail to read people which has led to a couple of awkward situations. For example, I was in my second last year at school and as usual I sat at an empty empty desk by myself in class as I was comfortable with that when this boy who was the year above me came and suddenly sat next to me. He said he didn't want me sitting by myself and offered to keep me company. I was taken aback by this but he was really nice, sweet even. From then on he'd sit with me everytime we had that class together and we'd just talk (Well he'd do most of the talking but he didn't mind i was a bit shy). I began to develop a tiny crush on him as he was actually genuinely nice guy and very mature, unlike alot of the boys in my year who I found extremely immature and annoying as I was one of their favourite female targets to tease with their sarky comments and stupid jokes which I never understood. Anyways, I thought he liked me too because he paid me this amount of attention but it was a couple of weeks later I found out he already had a girlfriend. Turns out he was just being nice nothing more than that. I've had a couple more crushes after that but i've never had a confidence/courage to go for it. Besides they've either turned be taken or even gay...Oopsies. There have been a couple of guys who've approached and asked ME out but as nice they were, I just never felt anything for any of them.

But now I am in my late 20's and I have never even had my first kiss let alone an actual romantic relationship. In the last few years I've even become extremely curious about the "extremely Intimate" part of being a relationship... if you know what I mean. I am beginning to wonder if I am destined to find true love and/or is there someone out there for me who will love me and all my quirks and weirdness. You see, on the odd occasion my father keeps making jokes that I'm going to be a spinster, which I don't mind at all as I do enjoy my own company most of the time. If I am going to be single forever and never have a romantic relationship or even get married then I've now become okay with that as I know I wouldn't be alone so long as I have my friends and family... but still it am curious about whether love is on the cards for me.

Has anybody else felt like this?

Do you find it difficult or sometimes uncomfortable in the world dating or even flirting?

Are you looking for love or are you okay being single?

Parents

  • Nobody here does astrology or owns a crystal ball (as far as I know) and to be honest I don't want some weird reading coming down the internet telling me what my destiny is.  Or do I?  I really don't know. 

    These sort of things are what masking used to be for in my world.  I could keep all this to myself and not have to explain further.  But those days are gone.  I've probably got less socially awkward since I stopped masking because I don't have to concentrate on masking too..  

    I guess there's much you've said I could agree with.  Dating is uncomfortable.  Since I don't mask anymore, I don't care if I appear to be flirting or not.  I do want to find some utopian dream that lucky people seem to achieve.  I've just don't think I've met 'the' one, with no disrespect to anyone I have met. 

    But I do believe that actively looking doesn't necessarily bring results - I've seen desperate sounding people post here and I think its best to let fate decide, rather than trying to force the issue.   

    WitchyPrincess06 said:
    I can honestly say I am a hopeless romantic.

    I guess the notion is fantastic. 

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed

    I'm not even sure I lnow what romance is, I think it's that thing that gives me the ick, things that others describe as romance either go over my head of make me feel sick.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    I think it's that thing that gives me the ick

    I feel as if someone's burst my bubble with a very long needle

  • in reply to Iain

    So you didn't read my paragraph on the mediaeval concept of Courtly Love, then.

    *********************888

    If the rest of you feel differently about romance then thats for you, I have my opinions and I was asked to share so I did, it's not my fault if people don't like it!

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    what does the idea of romance give you? To me it's an invention of Hollywood and a way of continuing the patriarchy,

    It goes back much longer - pretty much as far as communication and the capacity to have time to daydream in.

    I'm pretty sure there would be women (and men) listening to bards telling of fabulous knights and their pure deeds that would have left them longing for this idealisation of the person.

    Victorians, thanks to the invention of mass printing) had greater access to works of ficion and romance that appealed to many.

    I was a bit of a romantic in my tweens but not classically - I treated my girlfriends withromantic gestures I think because it was one form of social inteaction that I did understand.

    As for continuing the patriarchy, I think it does and the female participants actively seem to want it to. Respect their choice is my take on this.

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed

    O&U, sorry but I think that idea of meeting the perfect person and not having to make rules because you understand each other so well, is a Hollywood fantasy and I think a dangerous one that keeps many of us unhappy. After the first few weeks, you sort of come back down to earth and reality strikes, you see their socks on the bathroom floor, bits of breakfast cereal in the kitchen sink from where the bowl has been swished under the tap and left. Mr/Ms Perfect has become an ordinary human being with a collection of annoying habits. You either put up with them and decided that the good stuff outweighs the bad, or you move on to someone else and begin the whole sorry process again, this is the other side of happy ever after or not. The constant search for the opposite side of yourself, one that dosen't have or forgives all you're annoying habits. I think it's dangerous because it encourages us to stay in a state of permanent starry eyed grass is greener somewhere else and blinds us to the reality of being human.

    All relationships require compromise, work and doing some things we really don't like and having a partner who is happy and secure enough to do some stuff on thier own and allow you to do so too.

    Marriage was seen for  many centuries as a practicle working arrangement, more of a business descision than a romantic one, romance was frowned upon as it rarely gave good outcomes. ROmance was something for the aristocracy who had the leisure for games of courtly love, who were educated enough to write poetry and music for a woman they admired from afar, it was the mediaeval equivalent of celebrity fan mail.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I love this clip. I hope you don't mind me posting it. A serious topic though.

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