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Can't stand Birthdays

The Riddler

It's my Birthday soon, and societal norms suggest it's a "significant one", but I don't care! I've never been fussed about birthdays. To be honest I don't understand them, I don't get what you're supposed to do, I find getting presents slightly embarrassing and any sort of attention is just triggering.For many months I have been saying I don't want to celebrate or really even acknowledge it, and I thought people understood and respected that.

However, this past weekend I went out with a group of "friends" and as far as I was aware it was just a standard night out that this particular group does every so often. I'm always hyper-sensitive when I go out, but it soon became apparent that the group was aware my birthday was coming up as a few under the breath and cryptic comments were made. This immediately put me one edge, but I ignored them and carried on. Later on though we were sat in a restaurant, the comments carried on and then from out of the blue the staff broke into a rendition of "Happy Birthday to you" Queue stifled panic attack, with all the trimmings, before I realised that it was for another table.

What really annoyed me though is that these so called friends found my reaction very funny and were laughing out loud at my reaction. I managed to get to the end of the meal, but then went home, while everyone else went on to the pub. The annoying thing is is that when I have stifled a panic attack like that it stay with me for days, so now my anxiety is quite high and i'm playing the events over and over in my head.

Just wandered if anyone else is the same about Birthdays or am I being ridiculous.

  • in reply to Iain

    That‘s actually a good idea when meeting new people. I usually don’t dare to set boundaries with strangers so those kind of buttons could be beneficial. Thanks for the idea!Blush

  • in reply to Emmalephant
    Emmalephant said:
    At times I feel too uncomfortable to set clear boundaries

    How about letting a badge do the talking?

  • in reply to Iain

    At times I feel too uncomfortable to set clear boundaries but I have already tried some things, such as telling people that I don’t want hugs and this year I said in advance that I just want a normal day. This has gotten me mean comments and disappointed mumbling.
    You’re right though. There are many people out there who enjoy stuff like that. 

  • in reply to Emmalephant
    Emmalephant said:
    Birthdays are always about making everyone around you happy so no wonder that many people struggle with them.

    Have you made it blatantly clear the distress it causes you?

    If not then you will be considered to be a pack animal in society and your special day is also a chance for others to have a bit of a party and share the good feelings around.

    This is why so many want to be a part of it - in part to celebrate you and in part to have a good time themselves.

    If you don't set those boundaries then they won't know to respect them.

  • Even though people tell you “it’s your day”, it never is. Birthdays are always about making everyone around you happy so no wonder that many people struggle with them. I had my birthday in early January and it started with me getting up (a bit later than usual because my first lesson that day only starts at 09.35 instead of 07.40am) and as soon as I heard my father (who worked from home that day) rushing towards the kitchen were I was making my usual breakfast, I was on edge. I snapped at him to leave me alone and that my only wish was to have a normal day. I felt bad about that later.

    It’s not ridiculous to feel overwhelmed by all those expectations starting from reactions when receiving gifts or hugging someone all on top of your entire routine being messed up. Also, your friends seem a bit mean, without wanting to judge based on just this one post.

  • I always hated my birthdays and always tried to avoid having them.

    As a kid, my birthday almost always fell in the school holidays which was amazing to not have to worry about the bullies finding out but I still didn't enjoy them.

    Presents have always been a problem. I still clearly remember how I reacted to 2 presents that were given to me and the thought of how the givers must have felt still haunts me whenever I think about presents at all. Too often, it seems that no thought was put into choosing it at all but I feel obligated to buy them something. I can't put no thought into it so I spend weeks trying to find out what they might want and then finding the best version of it. And then I obviously get disappointed when weeks have passed and they've not even mentioned it.

    What haunts me the most though, is that after my mum died (22 years ago. No sympathy sought), I realised that celebrating my birthdays wasn't really about me. A few days after my last birthday that my mum would have seen, I found out that she'd made me trifle, bought a cake and a present for me that she really couldn't afford but something that I actually liked. At the time, I didn't know why she'd gone to all the trouble. I think I do now.

    My birthdays now, if somebody asks me to do something with them, I'll try my best to put up with whatever *** they have planned. I still don't want presents and I'll tell them that but I want to experience things with the people who care about me.

  • You're not being ridiculous at all. I'm sorry your wishes aren't heard and respected.

    I like my birthday it's a day to reflect what's changed in the last year and a good time to remember my mum. The not so good part is that everyone invites themselves over, throws a huge loud party and basically it's a day of sensory overload that then takes the next three or so days to reocver from. I'm not ungrateful it's a nice thought but I've explained time and time again that it affects me so badly but no one listens.

  • I like birthdays, but, there are many things that I don't like. I would find it (and often do) extremely upsetting to not be listened to regarding my wishes on this sort of thing. I think that most of my friends know now that when I say 'no', I really mean it !!

  • I am not a fan of the "over-fuss" people in my Family who disregard my requests to completely tone down the whole "Birthday Thing" when it relates to me.

    I don't think you are being ridiculous.  If you strongly don't like something it should be respected.