Can't stand Birthdays

It's my Birthday soon, and societal norms suggest it's a "significant one", but I don't care! I've never been fussed about birthdays. To be honest I don't understand them, I don't get what you're supposed to do, I find getting presents slightly embarrassing and any sort of attention is just triggering.For many months I have been saying I don't want to celebrate or really even acknowledge it, and I thought people understood and respected that.

However, this past weekend I went out with a group of "friends" and as far as I was aware it was just a standard night out that this particular group does every so often. I'm always hyper-sensitive when I go out, but it soon became apparent that the group was aware my birthday was coming up as a few under the breath and cryptic comments were made. This immediately put me one edge, but I ignored them and carried on. Later on though we were sat in a restaurant, the comments carried on and then from out of the blue the staff broke into a rendition of "Happy Birthday to you" Queue stifled panic attack, with all the trimmings, before I realised that it was for another table.

What really annoyed me though is that these so called friends found my reaction very funny and were laughing out loud at my reaction. I managed to get to the end of the meal, but then went home, while everyone else went on to the pub. The annoying thing is is that when I have stifled a panic attack like that it stay with me for days, so now my anxiety is quite high and i'm playing the events over and over in my head.

Just wandered if anyone else is the same about Birthdays or am I being ridiculous.

Parents
  • Even though people tell you “it’s your day”, it never is. Birthdays are always about making everyone around you happy so no wonder that many people struggle with them. I had my birthday in early January and it started with me getting up (a bit later than usual because my first lesson that day only starts at 09.35 instead of 07.40am) and as soon as I heard my father (who worked from home that day) rushing towards the kitchen were I was making my usual breakfast, I was on edge. I snapped at him to leave me alone and that my only wish was to have a normal day. I felt bad about that later.

    It’s not ridiculous to feel overwhelmed by all those expectations starting from reactions when receiving gifts or hugging someone all on top of your entire routine being messed up. Also, your friends seem a bit mean, without wanting to judge based on just this one post.

Reply
  • Even though people tell you “it’s your day”, it never is. Birthdays are always about making everyone around you happy so no wonder that many people struggle with them. I had my birthday in early January and it started with me getting up (a bit later than usual because my first lesson that day only starts at 09.35 instead of 07.40am) and as soon as I heard my father (who worked from home that day) rushing towards the kitchen were I was making my usual breakfast, I was on edge. I snapped at him to leave me alone and that my only wish was to have a normal day. I felt bad about that later.

    It’s not ridiculous to feel overwhelmed by all those expectations starting from reactions when receiving gifts or hugging someone all on top of your entire routine being messed up. Also, your friends seem a bit mean, without wanting to judge based on just this one post.

Children
  • Birthdays are always about making everyone around you happy so no wonder that many people struggle with them.

    Have you made it blatantly clear the distress it causes you?

    If not then you will be considered to be a pack animal in society and your special day is also a chance for others to have a bit of a party and share the good feelings around.

    This is why so many want to be a part of it - in part to celebrate you and in part to have a good time themselves.

    If you don't set those boundaries then they won't know to respect them.