Salve

you're welcome.  Before you make any decision - it maybe worth reaching out to a local Autism support organisation in your area, to get some advice.  Something I only heard of this week (but not looked into) was advocacy, having someone to support you with any workplace conversations, with them knowing what your rights are for reasonable adjustments (with or without diagnosis / disclosure).  I've just found a local group that runs online workshops - looks like they may be funded by NHS.  Found them via autism-services-directory

Thanks for writing Jalapeno, I need to figure things out but coming to the realisation that I am going to have to look at stepping away from this job, I could look to make adjustments etc but thats only possible with talking about my mental health/suspected autism and thats something I cannot do. Probably could do with some kind of break to get my head around stuff but that would involve the doctors . I am going to have face work next week, something that I am dreading right now. Thanks for advice and the book suggestions will take a look.

Hi, another late diagnosed here (last month).

I guess you'll have to eventually come to some decision about your job/role as not sure masking with no changes at work is going to do you much good in the long run.   Managing staff I haven't done for over 15 years.

You could work out what adjustments you need and request those.  I've not even got to that stage - I mainly work from home so mostly in my control other than workload/deadlines and some team stuff including office visits, I decline socials (drinks).

A diagnosis may add some weight to your request, but the formal diagnosis and disclosure is fully personal choice.  I've told very few.

Most of the online Embrace test (linked by others) seemed pretty good indicators when I took them, and they made me reach out to my health insurance.  The books "autism in adults" & "avoiding anxiety in autistic adults" by Dr Luke Beardon, were quick and useful reads for me and fairly inexpensive.

I'm feeling now that there's no rush to figure it all out, and this forum is largely a great resource for help too

Thanks Pixiefox for writing back to me I do appreciate it. It does sound very similar I've haven't had many positive experiences with doctors that puts me off, despite being rubbish at telling people stuff especially personal topics. Only recently and I mean in the last days have told some things to my wife and she is the closest person to me. I found that very draining and upsetting. Thats where my thoughts are right now about pursuing the medical route, even if I could somehow start the process I am not sure what I would do with any kind of answers. I certainly have not shared anything to anybody but my wife and no way would I involve my father and others in anything like that! I do want to learn more about things and appreciate all the information provided. 

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Your story is very similar to mine. I only discovered that I was on the autism spectrum in my fifties, after watching a documentary featuring an autistic woman, and I was also shocked by my test results after doing the AQ50 online. But then things started to make sense.

I did speak to a doctor about it, and he advised that even if I got a formal diagnosis I wouldn't get any support, so it would not really make any difference to my life. I thought about it and decided not to, because I would find it stressful talking to medical professionals about personal stuff and I felt there wasn't much point getting a label that didn't change anything in my life. But I understand that many people like the reassurance and validation of a formal diagnosis - it's a very personal and completely up to each individual to make that decision. Whether you get one or not you are welcome to stay here.

Just be patient with and kind to yourself - you are still the same person you always were, but look.at this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and use that to ensure you set up things in your life to make it the best you possibly can. Keep reading and ask us anything you want.

Thanks TheCatWomen, very kind of you to post. You make a lot of a good points and I agree with them. The whole discovery has rocked me really and not able to properly process it. I very much like order and this is far from that! I need to work out what to do for the best...which is not easy. I did not fully appreciate what was behind my lack of energy, some of my health issues especially mental health. I probably know what needs to be done but they are big decisions...and means a lot of change etc

What Martin said. You're still the same person, diagnosis, even self diagnosis doesn't take away the things that you've got, the things you've learned, you just know a bit more about yourself.

The thing with masking, is that I think everyone does it to some extent, I think ASC people are more aware of it and are increasingly made more aware of it and it can sometime be hard not to think that we've been lying to people all these years and feel guilt for presenting ourselves falsly. But we're not, NT's mask too, we all have a work face, a home face, a being with parents, older family members face. We put on and take off these faces according to the situation, I think us autists are more aware of authenticity our need for it and the lack of it in those around us. I think we're often more aware of the games NT's play, all the social stuff, the "rules of engagement", it's exhausting trying to work out which combination of games are being played and even more so, do we want to play and if we do, what part do we play?

I think ASC people are often stronger, because we've had more challenges, we're used to not fitting in, or feeling uncomfortable, we're also used to feeling comfortable in situations and groups, it's why we don't like change. Some people find any change hard to cope with, as routine gives us a sense of control in an often chaotic world.

I think you sound like a nice well balanced person, you've achieved all these things in life, relationship, family, a good job, have you ever thought that instead of achieving these things despite autism, you've achieved them because of autism?

Thanks Martin & Overwhelmed for your input, hopefully things will calm 

Thanks again Bunny for your help, I will read the stuff you have provided much appreciated!

Autism is often presented as limiting the things that autistic people can do. In reality, for autistic people who do not have co-occurring  intellectual disability, it is often more the case that autistic people can do all that neurotypical people do, except it is much more difficult and more exhausting. Before I realised that I was autistic (subsequently diagnosed), I thought that most people had similar problems to me, but were just stronger and more capable in dealing with them. In fact, most people do not have the problems I have and I am stronger than they are, because I cope with difficulties they can hardly imagine on a daily basis. Being mentally strong and being autistic are not incompatible at all.

You're most welcome!

If you're not keen on pursuing a diagnosis (which I can fully understand), you might find this article helpful - it speaks to the kinds of feelings that you're going through:

NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis

Also, and whilst I appreciate what you said about dealing with doctors, I do still want to personally encourage you to reach out to your GP for help with your mental health if your feelings don't improve.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of our difficulties, it's common for autistic people to experience co-occurring mental health problems, including depression and anxiety. More info:

NAS - Mental health and wellbeing

You might also find therapy or counselling helpful; this is commonly recommended following a diagnosis. In my area, we can self refer for this on the NHS, although you may need to go via your GP if it's different in yours.

If this is something you might consider, there's an excellent book that you might like to borrow or buy beforehand, which many of us here have found helpful. It includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

I wish you all the best.

Thanks Bunny for taking the time to reply to my post and for the information you have provided. I don't think I will pursue the medical route, I'm not good with doctors etc. Never spoken to anybody about my issues/problems and cannot entertain such a thought. I do appreciate the info though so thank you for that!

ps I have done all these tests and multiple times lol

Hi and welcome to the community!

Although I initially felt relieved when I realised that I was autistic, my mood also took a sharply downward turn soon afterwards. On the plus side, many of us here are "late realised" and/or "late diagnosed", so you're in good company! :)  

Whilst the information that you've shared could be consistent with autism, we can't offer medical advice here, and the professionals involved in assessments also consider a lot of additional information.

If you haven't yet seen them, you might like to read through the various resources in the NAS's recently revamped diagnosis hub. They cover all stages of the process, with each section containing several articles relating to that stage:

• Before diagnosis
• Assessment and diagnosis 
• After diagnosis 

For example, these articles (from "Before diagnosis") would perhaps make for a particularly timely read:

NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic

NAS - Deciding whether to seek an autism assessment

NAS - How to request an autism assessment

If you live in England, you might particularly like to read (in the above "how to..." article) about requesting an assessment via Right to Choose (which enables access to private providers who might have shorter waiting lists than the NHS, but with your referral and assessment still fully funded by the NHS).

Some examples of Right to Choose providers are listed here, for example:

ADHD and ASD assessment – Right To Choose

You mention having already completed some online tests. The NAS articles include links to some screening questionnaires that you can complete, to get a better idea of whether your suspicions might be correct. You might prefer to use the website below for this, rather than the versions linked in the NAS article.

The site provides some very useful commentary for each questionnaire, and also enables them to be completed online (with scores calculated for you), saved as PDFs and - if the results support your suspicions and you decide to seek a formal diagnosis - printed off to take with you to the GP.

The AQ-10 or AQ-50 seem to be the most frequently used / required by GPs in support of NHS referrals. (RAADS-R might also be helpful, although some recent research has thrown doubt on its validity as a screening tool):

Embrace Autism - screening tests