Parent withholding my medical records and other evidence from me

Thank you, yes my mom is quite toxic and manipulative, idk if she has such a poor memory that she doesn’t remember what she said some relative short time ago or tries to make me question my memories, but I see I’m not the only one telling her “I will start recording you” so it’s sort of evidence to me she is doing it not only with me. I have everything recorded in my memory but I can’t play it back to her with her own voice. She also laughed me off that I went to a dermatologist with the dark spots and said that she is sure it’s not a cancer. I will tell my therapist about many things. Her husband is a narcissist and she is his first servant (it’s called flying monkey if I remember correctly). For me shopping clothes is a very difficult topic, online is even worse, because of the complicated paying procedure  if my size comes too small or loose, I have to send it back etc even more hustle. I’m not living alone so I think my husband would take me shopping if he sees I’m short of clothes. I don’t reorganize my wardrobe like you described. It’s not in my daily routine so doesn’t exist. I wear same trousers even few weeks till someone tells me it’s time to change. She also brings me second hands for my daughter, sometimes I buy something for the little one I make a list for that , but if I had to buy everything myself I would be lost. 

It sounds as though you're suffereing from other peoples mental health problems and that has to stop. Maybe talk to your therapist about the malign sounding influence your mum has on you and your life and ask for help and support to move away from her control.

Can you do online clothes shopping, find things you like and that fit and buy several of them. Can you make buying clothes and things like that a seasonal routine? Say, every 3 months, go through your wardrobe and see what needs getting rid of, what do you need for the coming season and organise your wardrobe seasonally, so when summer ends, summer clothes go to the back of the wardrobe and winter clothes come to the front. Could you mark a day every 3 months or so on your calendar, set a reminder on your phone?

Yes, theoretically I should have right to hold my medical records but the reality is that I don’t. I think there is also a high chance that she threw them out maybe not all, but she had always an attitude “I don’t need it now so I throw it out” not thinking about the future, she is basically careless. But in this situation I think I have a right to believe my own memories, which are very accurate, instead of believing her twisted and very fluid versions of events. Once she tells me something and then gets upset I remember it and tries to convince me she never said that or I twisted it etc. I think it’s called gaslighting

You should have the right to get hold of your medical records. They are not your mother's property. Could you ask your husband to help you obtain them?

As for the family noise, one of the reasons for the state that I am in is because of my wife's endless work meetings online. It's 5 days of constant stress for me and then the weekend is other things. I used to recover from the weekend in the week before COVID hit. So I understand this very well. And it must be so much worse in your situation.

My mom recently told me I had terrible tantrums out of nowhere when I was a kid, it started at age 5. She didn’t know what to do with it so she did nothing. Genius! I have a faint memory of it, I remember feeling that my brain was shaking but I didn’t know it used to take up to 2 hours, I used to throw things cry or hysterically laugh and then cry again sometimes get a bit quieter and then again crying. When I saw a video of a sensory meltdown of a boy, I can’t help but what she described to me looked exactly like what this boy did. 
dhe didn’t share this info with me to support me getting dx, but to show I shouldn’t complain about my daughter having temper tantrums because she had it harder with me. But I find this information very useful right now.  

Thank you, my mom is the one supplying me with clothes, because I just realised some time ago, if it wasn’t her giving me some second hands I would have probably gone wrapped in a bed sheet because I hate shopping so much, and I usually don’t remember about it because I’m living in my own inner world and buying clothes is not part of my daily routine that I do automatically. I go shopping clothes only if really have to and my husband reminds me about it. It’s not a money issue at all, our financial situation is stable and I have enough to buy what I need.
So I can’t just stop talking to her, I don’t want it to be like I’m using her or something for me what she is doing now is a bit like compensation for how she neglected me in the past. I don’t wanna fight with her. I’m not living in UK, I read that a parental input is necessary for adults but I will talk look to my therapist about it and I will show him what evidence I have. 

I wasn't asked for any parental input for my diagnosis, I don't have anything either, have you asked why they want it? You're an adult, there must be loads of us who for various reasons don't have the stuff you've been asked for.

You know what? I think I'd stop listening and maybe even talking to my Mum if this was her attitude. It sounds unhelpful to say the least, it sounds as though she's taking your problems personally and making them about her and her parenting rather than about you and your needs. Where's your Dad in all this?

Alien0n3arth said:

If lack of a parental input is not an issue than I can go ahead without even notes,

I should think you will be fine but perhaps you might be able to check that out somehow as of course you may do things differently in Germany to here.

I really don't see why a parent of an adult should have to be included and I think if my mother had been it might have jeoparised my diagnosis (although she still moaned about how difficult I was to feed as a child, 50 years later!).

Your memory will serve you well.

If lack of a parental input is not an issue than I can go ahead without even notes, my mom occasionally told me my memory is dangerous I have everything recorded like a movie with details, so yes I have a good memory, I can talk about it. I’m also lucky to have my school certificates with me and some request in written I made as a teen, that I’m struggling mentally and request a psychologist, it was a school form. My special interest at that time was Russian so the assessors would see that I was doing excellent in it and took high place in local competition but at the same time having low notes from many other subjects. I’m not sure if that helps. I can also speak Russian if they ask me, I’ve not been practicing recently but anyway Russian speakers are usually shocked that it’s not my first language. My medical records from my childhood would have shown that I had some developmental delays, I had an encephalogram done as 7 y/o and remember it was requested by the school, because I didn’t react on my name. My mom says everything in the result was fine but I have strong reasons to not believe her. Anyway I only remember that it took place and afterwards she spent over half hour talking to the doctor while I stayed with my granny. 

I'm very sorry to read this.

I had no parental input because they are deceased but because I have a good memory of my childhood, it wasn't a problem for my assessors.

So, maybe you can go ahead without any input from you mother or your childhood drawings?

I wouldn't have included my mother anyway - she would have been a terrible witness.