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Parent withholding my medical records and other evidence from me

Alien0n3arth

My mom is furious that I went to a therapist and as she says “created my own problems” and is doing her best to withhold my medical records from my childhood from me, also my drawings from my childhood. These things would have helped me a lot in diagnostic process. It’s all complicated. She is also lying about many other things. She lies to me about the years, when I was hospitalized, when I know I remember correctly because of some facts that took place and wouldn’t have happened earlier. My stimming behavior- lip picking, that I’ve been doing for nearly 3 decades, often picking the skin to the blood because I hardly feel pain, caused me black spots on my lips that are growing and getting darker. I heard from my dermatologist it’s looking bad and probably needs to be removed, also I told her the story with lip picking and she said I definitely need a therapy to stop doing it. I also Pick the skin on my hands my fingers are often sore and there I also have something to be removed. All these things don’t convince my mom. I m waiting for another appointment with my therapist maybe there is a therapy some sort of behavioral that I may get without the dx. I’m struggling I can’t keep up with even my own appointments, even shopping is exhausting for me. I’m so lucky I have my husband who takes care of many things, speaks to housing company, books appointments, but things online etc. He is also supportive to me, he does not understand my struggles but I know he is trying. I also feel bad about having to leave my beloved ones, because after 15 minutes time spent with them I feel like my brain is shaking. It’s him talking on the phone on loud speaker with his family who has a farm so it’s also “e-aa e-aa or kikiriki muuuh” etc, it’s his football match on the pc, my daughter talking all the time, her toys making noise flickering lights … I just have to leave. My brain shakes. And I feel bad, bad mommy. Despite all this my mom says it’s not an issue and all people have this problem. Really? I’m not sure why I’m sharing this, in fact my mom herself is I would say somewhere in the BAP, but she does not understand my struggles and she never did. I had massive mental struggles as a child and teenager and she did nothing about it. Is there any way to get what I need from her? I don’t want any court cases. 

Parents

  • I wasn't asked for any parental input for my diagnosis, I don't have anything either, have you asked why they want it? You're an adult, there must be loads of us who for various reasons don't have the stuff you've been asked for.

    You know what? I think I'd stop listening and maybe even talking to my Mum if this was her attitude. It sounds unhelpful to say the least, it sounds as though she's taking your problems personally and making them about her and her parenting rather than about you and your needs. Where's your Dad in all this?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you, my mom is the one supplying me with clothes, because I just realised some time ago, if it wasn’t her giving me some second hands I would have probably gone wrapped in a bed sheet because I hate shopping so much, and I usually don’t remember about it because I’m living in my own inner world and buying clothes is not part of my daily routine that I do automatically. I go shopping clothes only if really have to and my husband reminds me about it. It’s not a money issue at all, our financial situation is stable and I have enough to buy what I need.
    So I can’t just stop talking to her, I don’t want it to be like I’m using her or something for me what she is doing now is a bit like compensation for how she neglected me in the past. I don’t wanna fight with her. I’m not living in UK, I read that a parental input is necessary for adults but I will talk look to my therapist about it and I will show him what evidence I have. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    It sounds as though you're suffereing from other peoples mental health problems and that has to stop. Maybe talk to your therapist about the malign sounding influence your mum has on you and your life and ask for help and support to move away from her control.

    Can you do online clothes shopping, find things you like and that fit and buy several of them. Can you make buying clothes and things like that a seasonal routine? Say, every 3 months, go through your wardrobe and see what needs getting rid of, what do you need for the coming season and organise your wardrobe seasonally, so when summer ends, summer clothes go to the back of the wardrobe and winter clothes come to the front. Could you mark a day every 3 months or so on your calendar, set a reminder on your phone?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you, yes my mom is quite toxic and manipulative, idk if she has such a poor memory that she doesn’t remember what she said some relative short time ago or tries to make me question my memories, but I see I’m not the only one telling her “I will start recording you” so it’s sort of evidence to me she is doing it not only with me. I have everything recorded in my memory but I can’t play it back to her with her own voice. She also laughed me off that I went to a dermatologist with the dark spots and said that she is sure it’s not a cancer. I will tell my therapist about many things. Her husband is a narcissist and she is his first servant (it’s called flying monkey if I remember correctly). For me shopping clothes is a very difficult topic, online is even worse, because of the complicated paying procedure  if my size comes too small or loose, I have to send it back etc even more hustle. I’m not living alone so I think my husband would take me shopping if he sees I’m short of clothes. I don’t reorganize my wardrobe like you described. It’s not in my daily routine so doesn’t exist. I wear same trousers even few weeks till someone tells me it’s time to change. She also brings me second hands for my daughter, sometimes I buy something for the little one I make a list for that , but if I had to buy everything myself I would be lost. 

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you, yes my mom is quite toxic and manipulative, idk if she has such a poor memory that she doesn’t remember what she said some relative short time ago or tries to make me question my memories, but I see I’m not the only one telling her “I will start recording you” so it’s sort of evidence to me she is doing it not only with me. I have everything recorded in my memory but I can’t play it back to her with her own voice. She also laughed me off that I went to a dermatologist with the dark spots and said that she is sure it’s not a cancer. I will tell my therapist about many things. Her husband is a narcissist and she is his first servant (it’s called flying monkey if I remember correctly). For me shopping clothes is a very difficult topic, online is even worse, because of the complicated paying procedure  if my size comes too small or loose, I have to send it back etc even more hustle. I’m not living alone so I think my husband would take me shopping if he sees I’m short of clothes. I don’t reorganize my wardrobe like you described. It’s not in my daily routine so doesn’t exist. I wear same trousers even few weeks till someone tells me it’s time to change. She also brings me second hands for my daughter, sometimes I buy something for the little one I make a list for that , but if I had to buy everything myself I would be lost. 

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