My mom is furious that I went to a therapist and as she says “created my own problems” and is doing her best to withhold my medical records from my childhood from me, also my drawings from my childhood. These things would have helped me a lot in diagnostic process. It’s all complicated. She is also lying about many other things. She lies to me about the years, when I was hospitalized, when I know I remember correctly because of some facts that took place and wouldn’t have happened earlier. My stimming behavior- lip picking, that I’ve been doing for nearly 3 decades, often picking the skin to the blood because I hardly feel pain, caused me black spots on my lips that are growing and getting darker. I heard from my dermatologist it’s looking bad and probably needs to be removed, also I told her the story with lip picking and she said I definitely need a therapy to stop doing it. I also Pick the skin on my hands my fingers are often sore and there I also have something to be removed. All these things don’t convince my mom. I m waiting for another appointment with my therapist maybe there is a therapy some sort of behavioral that I may get without the dx. I’m struggling I can’t keep up with even my own appointments, even shopping is exhausting for me. I’m so lucky I have my husband who takes care of many things, speaks to housing company, books appointments, but things online etc. He is also supportive to me, he does not understand my struggles but I know he is trying. I also feel bad about having to leave my beloved ones, because after 15 minutes time spent with them I feel like my brain is shaking. It’s him talking on the phone on loud speaker with his family who has a farm so it’s also “e-aa e-aa or kikiriki muuuh” etc, it’s his football match on the pc, my daughter talking all the time, her toys making noise flickering lights … I just have to leave. My brain shakes. And I feel bad, bad mommy. Despite all this my mom says it’s not an issue and all people have this problem. Really? I’m not sure why I’m sharing this, in fact my mom herself is I would say somewhere in the BAP, but she does not understand my struggles and she never did. I had massive mental struggles as a child and teenager and she did nothing about it. Is there any way to get what I need from her? I don’t want any court cases.
