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Written to a guy I like

Rainbowgirl

Hi everyone 

I have written to a guy that I like because I find it easier to express myself that way.  The letter was very casual and chatty and I said if you like to chat sometime here my mobile number.  I have been getting bit nervous and anxious about whole thing because I have spoken to him before but those setting were in more professional settings and I am worried he won't see me beyond that.  Even though we live the same area and he will regular hi and how are you when he see me.  He is not autistic. 

I just wanted some advice as I don't deal well with things especially when my letters are not acknowledged.  It can me feel sad and I don't how long to wait. 

  

  • in reply to Iain

        we could talk about this all day and it does not matter who right or wrong this situation.  I came here for advice not for an argument. I understand the world of communication is changing and I feel this issue sometimes have to ,'agree to disagree'.  I am tired and have decided I need some time away from this it taken energy way from me doing things that I can deal with in the present.  

  • Iain is spot on with his advice.

    Don't worry about it too much.

    An analogy... I go fishing when I can, when I started on one type of fishing years ago, I caught on my first trip, so I was "hooked" on the hobby. Years later I switched to another type and didn't catch anything for many many trips.

    You can easily start to think that -

    1. You're no good at fishing
    2. You have the wrong kit
    3. There are no fish
    4. Your methods are wrong
    5. Many other things 

    But there's so many factors, weather, water level, traffic, barometric pressure, time of day, time of year,  amount of light, pressure from other people, fish just feeling lazy.

    This metaphor is designed to explain that you shouldn't give up and don't feel negative, if there is a rejection it's not necessarily any negative reflection on you.  it's difficult when it's something you really want, but it will happen, have a little faith in yourself.

  • Rainbowgirl said:
    I just wanted some advice as I don't deal well with things especially when my letters are not acknowledged.

    It may help to think if some male you have only passing contact with (eg postman who you may have a quick chat with sometimes) wrote to you asking you to chat more on your mobile.

    Would you immediately respond or take your time and maybe play some of the usual dating techniques of waiting a few days to build up anticipation?

    Maybe he has a partner and does not want to be considered as unfaithful, maybe he has some stuff going on in his life and he has no bandwidth to deal with it or something else that you are just not aware of (maybe he prefers men for example).

    This sort of making a move on someone is always fairly high risk because of these reasons so it helps to have low expectations of a response to avoid dissapointment plus if it does work out then the upside seem so much better.

    It may also be good to ask him directly when you see him to encourage a frank exchange. Something like "look, I like you and would like to get to know you better - would you be interested in a date?".

    Clear, direct and (in my opinion) quite appealing to have a potential partner who knows what they want and doesn't mess about.

    For your immediate situation my approach would be to distract yourself, plan the interaction I just mentioned and don't limit yourself to just this one idea - there are plenty of people out there who would probably love to date you if you make yourself move into their circles.