Hoping this is the place for me

yep - in a certain sort of sandwich it depends upon how much bread there is...

the social correlates of autism seem to be the biggest drag to me and a lot of the people that report thro' this forum

Autistic people are more likely to have a whole load of other stuff that isn't so pleasant it seems.

There's a temptation for the echo chamber to create a situation where "the song remains the same".

Trying to work out what being autistic is and how it has weaknesses which may be better understood and accommodated and maybe even resolved.  Also what strengths there are that may need to be toned down in some situations.  That's one way of working out to ease the drag maybe.

It "really makes life a drag", though.

"Your head is humming, and it won't go, in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him"       

Kind off my lead up to realising I am autistic :-)

"The tune will come to you at last
When all are one, and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll"

Glad that you don't feel the need to buy the stairway :-)

Welcome to the forum. You’re more than welcome here no matter of an offical diagnosis or a self diagnosis. It’s such a shame how less accessible assessments and the diagnosis process are becoming. Because you’re faced with a choice at the moment of waiting on a list for years (mine took 5) or paying thousands of pounds. Not wanting an offical diagnosis or not having one doesn’t make your autistic experience and autism any less valid but, it’s a shame that pursuing an assessment is a mentally draining choice with how long the waiting list is or how much money you’d have to spend to go private. 

I’m fairly new here myself, but I think that this forum is the place for me (also not officially diagnosed). Hopefully, you’ll also find it helpful. Good to have you here!

Hi and welcome. I'm a long time member of this community and also "self discovered" - and I also do not intend to seek a professional diagnosis. I hope you find the forum useful.

Greetings Led_Zep_fan!

Thank you for the warm welcome! 

My autism I feel manifests mainly in social and behavioural aspects rather than for example extreme sensitivities. I suppose it's easy to ascribe almost anything to "some sort of condition", but looking back more than 50 years I can identify engaging in repetitive behaviours for no reason other than feeling I "had to". More recently my failure to recognise/appreciate how I was behaving towards others resulted in a significantly adverse outcome for me.

One way or another I "know" plenty of people, but have no friends. I too hope that being part of this community will prove helpful.

Welcome to the community! I’m also not diagnosed with autism and I’m here. Many people don’t or can’t pursue the diagnosis for various reasons. This condition is hard to diagnose especially in adults. Unlike depression or Tourette (in my case) I just went to psychiatrist and was informed that I have this or that condition and I was prescribed meds which in my case gave strong side effects and very little to no help. With autism it’s not the case. I go and I find out I might be on the spectrum but it’s only the doctors opinion. And I also found out these two diagnoses were wrong. 
I wish you find here connections and support you need. 

Andy said:

 So what I’ve learnt, even with a formal diagnosis, some employers will still make your life hard and refuse adjustments even though they are reasonable and cost the employer nothing!

I've had a few managers like that - they will not accept that you if you feel "off" to them or if you refuse to work in the way they want. It is like you are a personal affront to their little empire and need to be done away with.

If you ever get to the point of a PIP appearing then you know it is already over.- this is typically used by management as a way to make your life so difficult that you cannot meet the criteria and they can use it as a legal justification to dismiss you without fear of a discrimination case.

I've seen it used time and again (not for autism but because the manager in question was an ass) and even been ordered to use it to get rid of multiple staff. In this instance I refused and lost my job over it but managed to give the staff in question enough dirt to get the manager in question fired.

Andy said:

The adjustment I asked for was to, simply, be able to start work up to an hour later on the mornings I’m really struggling,

Would a more practical workaround here be for you to get up an hour early, giving you more time to decompress before work? I used to do this in one job and would take that time to read or relax before going into the office so it helped tremendously.

It is a way to pre-empt the issue rather than reacting to it.

Thanks Ian, that’s a helpful link! 
I agree, in my experience, if you don’t have a formal diagnosis or occupational health doesn’t consider you as disabled under the equality act, the employer doesn’t have to agree to anything! Which is still a shame as any one employed should be able feel happy in the workplace and if this means having some adjustments that help will remove any barriers, it will in turn mean the employee is more productive and the employer is getting their moneys worth from them. Most adjustments are free, so there is no reason why an employer should say no to an adjustment for someone without a formal diagnosis. 

Although, interestingly for me, I’m having a slight dispute with my employer about a reasonable adjustment around flexible working hours. The adjustment I asked for was to, simply, be able to start work up to an hour later on the mornings I’m really struggling, and I would make up the time later on. However, my manager refused. So I will be arguing the point that there is no valid reason to refuse my adjustment and I would be prepared to take it further.  So what I’ve learnt, even with a formal diagnosis, some employers will still make your life hard and refuse adjustments even though they are reasonable and cost the employer nothing!

Andy said:

A formal diagnosis is only really worth it when you need validation, adjustments in the workplace

I believe self diagnosis is enough for some emplyers but they can push back and say they need an official diagnosis to consider it.

There is an interesting article on the subject here:

https://employmentautism.org.uk/need-a-formal-diagnosis-to-qualify-for-adjustments/

Welcome to the forum! 

A formal diagnosis isn’t a requirement to be here, what matters is that you relate to the experiences shared with others here. It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought and research into autism, and I hope you find you can resonate with others here.

A formal diagnosis is only really worth it when you need validation, adjustments in the workplace, or are looking to claim PIP, otherwise self diagnosis is valid. For me, a formal diagnosis was important for validation and clarity, but only because it had been drilled into me for years that all my issues and ways of thinking was because of a mental illness.

 I hope you find being part of this online community helpful!