Hoping this is the place for me

Welcome to the forum! 

A formal diagnosis isn’t a requirement to be here, what matters is that you relate to the experiences shared with others here. It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought and research into autism, and I hope you find you can resonate with others here.

A formal diagnosis is only really worth it when you need validation, adjustments in the workplace, or are looking to claim PIP, otherwise self diagnosis is valid. For me, a formal diagnosis was important for validation and clarity, but only because it had been drilled into me for years that all my issues and ways of thinking was because of a mental illness.

 I hope you find being part of this online community helpful!

Andy said:

A formal diagnosis is only really worth it when you need validation, adjustments in the workplace

I believe self diagnosis is enough for some emplyers but they can push back and say they need an official diagnosis to consider it.

There is an interesting article on the subject here:

https://employmentautism.org.uk/need-a-formal-diagnosis-to-qualify-for-adjustments/

Thanks Ian, that’s a helpful link! 
I agree, in my experience, if you don’t have a formal diagnosis or occupational health doesn’t consider you as disabled under the equality act, the employer doesn’t have to agree to anything! Which is still a shame as any one employed should be able feel happy in the workplace and if this means having some adjustments that help will remove any barriers, it will in turn mean the employee is more productive and the employer is getting their moneys worth from them. Most adjustments are free, so there is no reason why an employer should say no to an adjustment for someone without a formal diagnosis. 

Although, interestingly for me, I’m having a slight dispute with my employer about a reasonable adjustment around flexible working hours. The adjustment I asked for was to, simply, be able to start work up to an hour later on the mornings I’m really struggling, and I would make up the time later on. However, my manager refused. So I will be arguing the point that there is no valid reason to refuse my adjustment and I would be prepared to take it further.  So what I’ve learnt, even with a formal diagnosis, some employers will still make your life hard and refuse adjustments even though they are reasonable and cost the employer nothing!

Andy said:

 So what I’ve learnt, even with a formal diagnosis, some employers will still make your life hard and refuse adjustments even though they are reasonable and cost the employer nothing!

I've had a few managers like that - they will not accept that you if you feel "off" to them or if you refuse to work in the way they want. It is like you are a personal affront to their little empire and need to be done away with.

If you ever get to the point of a PIP appearing then you know it is already over.- this is typically used by management as a way to make your life so difficult that you cannot meet the criteria and they can use it as a legal justification to dismiss you without fear of a discrimination case.

I've seen it used time and again (not for autism but because the manager in question was an ass) and even been ordered to use it to get rid of multiple staff. In this instance I refused and lost my job over it but managed to give the staff in question enough dirt to get the manager in question fired.

Andy said:

The adjustment I asked for was to, simply, be able to start work up to an hour later on the mornings I’m really struggling,

Would a more practical workaround here be for you to get up an hour early, giving you more time to decompress before work? I used to do this in one job and would take that time to read or relax before going into the office so it helped tremendously.

It is a way to pre-empt the issue rather than reacting to it.

Andy said:

 So what I’ve learnt, even with a formal diagnosis, some employers will still make your life hard and refuse adjustments even though they are reasonable and cost the employer nothing!

I've had a few managers like that - they will not accept that you if you feel "off" to them or if you refuse to work in the way they want. It is like you are a personal affront to their little empire and need to be done away with.

If you ever get to the point of a PIP appearing then you know it is already over.- this is typically used by management as a way to make your life so difficult that you cannot meet the criteria and they can use it as a legal justification to dismiss you without fear of a discrimination case.

I've seen it used time and again (not for autism but because the manager in question was an ass) and even been ordered to use it to get rid of multiple staff. In this instance I refused and lost my job over it but managed to give the staff in question enough dirt to get the manager in question fired.

Andy said:

The adjustment I asked for was to, simply, be able to start work up to an hour later on the mornings I’m really struggling,

Would a more practical workaround here be for you to get up an hour early, giving you more time to decompress before work? I used to do this in one job and would take that time to read or relax before going into the office so it helped tremendously.

It is a way to pre-empt the issue rather than reacting to it.