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Autism and really struggling to make and keep friends

Marsi

I feel isolated sometimes, and I think about why I can't make friends and then I'm stumped. It doesn't help I have agoraphobia due to trauma. Like how do you make friends? And how do you keep them. I'm largely not bothered by lack of friends and family but I have found when my partner is out for the day I have no one to talk to. And I'm left to dissociate(trying to get that under control) 

  • in reply to Marsi

    You’re most welcome! I wish you all the best with it. :)

  • in reply to Bunny

    I just wanted to say thank you. I hadn't though of that I have contacted them and they're gonna put me through to someone on the mental health team. 

  • Given your agoraphobia, I'm not sure how much help this might be. But it might still be worth contacting your GP surgery to ask to be referred to a social prescriber / social prescribing link worker, who would take it into account (along with any other conditions besides your autism). 

    Their role is to work with you, potentially over several sessions, in order to develop a personalised care and support plan that meets your "practical, social and emotional needs that affect their [your] health and wellbeing". The model operates throughout the UK. For example: 

    NHS England - Social prescribing

  • Hi! First up: Good to have you here and since I’m gonna go a bit into my own experiences with that, I’ll put in a quick note disclaimer… I’m not officially diagnosed and have not been able to undergo any assessments yet. I do however relate to the diagnostic criteria, have been researching everything neurodivergence-related for 3-4 years now and scored in neurodiverse range in any tests (aq and so on).

    In my life, there have been many friendships that just suddenly ended. No explanation and seemingly for no reason at all. There are few friendships that have proven themselves to be strong enough for my weirdness, communication style and low social battery. My best friend lives a 40 minute drive away and sometimes we barely talk or text for weeks and don’t see each other for months but when we’re together, it’s still the same as it has always been. It might be helpful for you to make your preferences of communication and contacting clear from the beginning to find people that are similar to you.
    Also, you said that you barely have the urge to make friends. Think about that for a second (well, maybe a bit longer) and ask yourself if you really need friends. If you’re happy that’s great! Maybe you just feel obliged to have friendships. Try engaging in your interests while your partner is away and if you still feel a bit lonely, you could try joining a small club to find people with similar interests, although I know this might be difficult because of your co morbidities.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I'm on Meds and Im better than I was but still never leave the house unless I absolutely have to 

  • Hi welcome to the community!

    i also have problems making friends, here where Ive been living for almost 6 years already I have not even one friend. While exploring autism I understood that it’s for few reasons. My communication differences, I don’t react to other people’s emotions even if I recognize and understand them. It’s also due to my routine. Seeing someone disturbs my routine. It feels bad and it always felt bad, even when I was masking, I still felt that I go to see someone because I have to to stop being the weirdo and loner, but I wished I could just sit in my room and do my favorite thing like always. It’s also because of my slower processing, poor eye contact and probably few other reasons. This forum kind of satisfies my need of communication although sometimes I also feel I don’t belong here but it’s quite common here as I can see. I love giving long monologue speeches, if I’m left alone for a day it can last 5 hours. And during that time I forget everything. So if I have a possibility, and if I’m alone I do it sometime. I’m not sure if it’s good, but it’s kinda therapeutic for me. Nobody would have endured a 5 hour long tirades about my special interest, so I do it when I’m alone and I imagine there is someone who listens I also dissociate a lot. I think you may need help with your trauma and agoraphobia. 
    i hope you find support and connections here. 

  • Hi and welcome.

    I'm also not that bothered about seeing people other than my partner. There are a few people I used to work with that I keep in touch with, but I wouldn't go out to try to make friends. I like chatting to people on this forum - perhaps that will make you feel.less alone?