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Autism and really struggling to make and keep friends

Marsi

I feel isolated sometimes, and I think about why I can't make friends and then I'm stumped. It doesn't help I have agoraphobia due to trauma. Like how do you make friends? And how do you keep them. I'm largely not bothered by lack of friends and family but I have found when my partner is out for the day I have no one to talk to. And I'm left to dissociate(trying to get that under control) 

Parents

  • Hi! First up: Good to have you here and since I’m gonna go a bit into my own experiences with that, I’ll put in a quick note disclaimer… I’m not officially diagnosed and have not been able to undergo any assessments yet. I do however relate to the diagnostic criteria, have been researching everything neurodivergence-related for 3-4 years now and scored in neurodiverse range in any tests (aq and so on).

    In my life, there have been many friendships that just suddenly ended. No explanation and seemingly for no reason at all. There are few friendships that have proven themselves to be strong enough for my weirdness, communication style and low social battery. My best friend lives a 40 minute drive away and sometimes we barely talk or text for weeks and don’t see each other for months but when we’re together, it’s still the same as it has always been. It might be helpful for you to make your preferences of communication and contacting clear from the beginning to find people that are similar to you.
    Also, you said that you barely have the urge to make friends. Think about that for a second (well, maybe a bit longer) and ask yourself if you really need friends. If you’re happy that’s great! Maybe you just feel obliged to have friendships. Try engaging in your interests while your partner is away and if you still feel a bit lonely, you could try joining a small club to find people with similar interests, although I know this might be difficult because of your co morbidities.

Reply

  • Hi! First up: Good to have you here and since I’m gonna go a bit into my own experiences with that, I’ll put in a quick note disclaimer… I’m not officially diagnosed and have not been able to undergo any assessments yet. I do however relate to the diagnostic criteria, have been researching everything neurodivergence-related for 3-4 years now and scored in neurodiverse range in any tests (aq and so on).

    In my life, there have been many friendships that just suddenly ended. No explanation and seemingly for no reason at all. There are few friendships that have proven themselves to be strong enough for my weirdness, communication style and low social battery. My best friend lives a 40 minute drive away and sometimes we barely talk or text for weeks and don’t see each other for months but when we’re together, it’s still the same as it has always been. It might be helpful for you to make your preferences of communication and contacting clear from the beginning to find people that are similar to you.
    Also, you said that you barely have the urge to make friends. Think about that for a second (well, maybe a bit longer) and ask yourself if you really need friends. If you’re happy that’s great! Maybe you just feel obliged to have friendships. Try engaging in your interests while your partner is away and if you still feel a bit lonely, you could try joining a small club to find people with similar interests, although I know this might be difficult because of your co morbidities.

Children
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