Someone i know is sleeping in his clothes and often doesnt change the following day or have a wash. He is Autistic and has ADHD. He sleeps on the sofa with the light on, the tv on and the heating on. He regularly doesnt sleep until the early mid hours of the morning. He says he sleeps better on the sofa. I dont want to push my views on him, but i want the best for him.
Thank you for sharing your lived experience and thoughts. They are helpful.
Some of your experience highlights how horrible it is for some, getting through life in this world. Not enough valdation and understanding.
He has now been allocated a key worker by social services.
Thank you
Just a thought, suggestion, once he gets the racing thoughts a rest, once he gets the proper help, that is... if it is depression: What I have done with those I know off (males) that have been blue or depressed, at home (not so bad they are hospitalized then) is that I have done the reverse of what I guess is normally suggested. That is I have asked them to help me out with something. That is I don't show up for them, they show up for me. I don't victimize. But I always seek out to treat everyone as my equal.
All of them (well, it's only been 3 so I shouldn't brag too much) has then helped me out with what ever it's been. I sort of expect them to. I take for granted they will. It is not me pleading. I say "I need your help…". "Could you, please…?". I'm ready. They have been, at times, surprised, but it won't stop them from helping me out. If it is autism then I will let them know some time before so it won't be an unpleasant surprise, that it won't backfire.
I know that has surprised others in our surrounding because they think the other way around that is what I should do for them (those who are depressed). If I am right or wrong about this I don't know. All I know is it works. And it makes them - my guess, I never spoke to them about it - feel of use, feel they have done a good deed for me. And they have. It gives them a small break.
It's been of practical matters that we've done together as a team or them having done it, but I'm there as well. I can't do it alone.
I think fear is an enemy when it at times paralyzes people to do anything because they are so afraid to do the wrong thing to someone who are depressed. But me asking for "neutral", "practical" matters has not to my knowledge hurt them.
Especially someone I have in mind was so "spoiled" by someone else and the closest surrounding that when I showed up and asked for help I think he first did it because he was so surprised and the others were dead silence and because of my autism I miss signs so I only know it is kinda awkward but never why, but I'm on a mission and my focus is on that person and no one else, so the rest can continue their secret language, I don't care. He's helped me with all kinds of stuff. I've been told that this person in mind never explained to me he's never done some things I expected him to know how to do when I needed his help, but the others said he sort of "came alive".
I've done the same thing with few elderly I know that were blue or depressed (women as well as men) and I'm telling you it works. It could be them giving me advice about all kinds of things or practical matters that they can do or help out with.
Oh and the sleeping thing, that's a norm too for some. I sleep fine and am off the charts ASD. My son is too but he has stayed up half of the night all of his life. No matter what I did to change it I couldn't. Some things are just who we are and the best thing you can do for us is to try to accept them. Yeah we need to improve, everyone does. But choose your battles and try to understand that they don't see the world as you do.
Depends....
Depressed or on the edge = get them help
Works a job or gets sweaty = needs a bath
If they have done that forever and aren't getting nasty, it's just their thing. Best to leave them alone because they aren't likely to change. The TV thing is normal for us. Get them to use the timer. Just don't make a big deal about things and try to ease into changes.
I've also been looking at cPTSD a disorder that believe I've been affected by, I think through my navigation of the world through the autistic mind, and how I've been treated, undiagnosed. my fear of society and interacting with people stems from this i believe.
Hi. These are things i regularly do. I more often than not sleep in my clothes. It, for me, when I'm really low, which is most of the time, is a security blanket and being unclothed unconciously makes me feel vulnerable. It's not a happy situation, but is somehow a securiy and a security measure, if that makes sense. I'm very agoraphobic and don't see people very often. It also reflects that being like this withdraws you from society, and you don't want to be around people when your unkempt, and this can be a reassuring blessing, in my case, that society and mixing with people scares me so much and mostly ends with me feeling so out of place and embarrassed and i fall apart. I hope things get better for your friend
That was me before I moved. Increasingly self neglectful, but only cottoning on to that fact on hindsight -several weeks after I moved.
If his mind is racing like that I know what that feels like, then no, he can not turn them off when it is that severe. He needs the right medication and the proper help to help turn this around. I don't know if he's hit psychosis yet but chances are he will if he has that kind of poor sleep and that kind of anxiety and racing thoughts. The mind can't take all that in the long run.
I remember when I got sick they did not know how serious it was, I was not aggressive or violent and as my husband would say I don't show lot of emotions if any on the outside when I'm like that, while I can tell you on the inside it was all emotion and racing thoughts..So when I showed up, finally, they would read me off like they would any individual with no knowledge of autism. I simply did not fit the criteria of how you are suppose to be.Had I met the right person at the right time I would not have slipped into a psychosis.
The people in their profession that you first start meeting they are not the best of the best within a specific field, they simply lack a specific knowledge and they need to get to the point where they realize they can't handle this and refer you to the profession that can but in order to do that in the first place they need to recognize this is beyond them. Sounds to me as if his psychiatrist is no expert or that the someone you know has been doing better when he met the psychiatrist. Nobody took me seriously before I came into a psychosis. Because of my autism I did not show the emotions of stress on the outside like others do, I can still get that, that other people around me do not get that I too am stressed out. It is always as if they are a group of their own and I am outside, if anything, they lean on me for support. I am in the team of one.
My guess is he needs all these things on to try to both disrupt the racing (the anxiety) and give comfort. Sounds and lights can be either over the top or soothing, it depends, it has to get just right. He has these things on so he can get some sleep (hopefully). I still fall asleep without intending to in front of the tele and other sounds around that are not too high or disruptive. One of the questions we got regarding our child when first suspecting autism was how the child would be at bed time, would it be difficult to fall asleep etc.
Him not changing his clothes the next day or washing could be out of confusion (psychosis) or because the clothes and not washing are safe to him, comfort, or because all the work it takes to do so when he knows he don't need to. To try to remove the clothes from someone (mentally ill) who see these clothes as safe and been in them for a long time can be really difficult and not something you should start with. The clothes are this shield to him (To me it was basically that I could not remember when I last took a shower, when I last ate. I did not know if nobody told me how long I had had the clothes on or when I last took a shower. I would try to take a bath which was not the smartest thing to do under the circumstances. When I went in the water was just right, when I came to the water was ice cold).
If you can, please try to help him get the proper help he needs before it gets worse.
Maybe he sleeps with the TV on because he is lonely. Maybe he cannot sleep if it is dark or too cold. If he isn't eating properly, that might make him feel colder and prevent him sleeping properly too.
It's difficult to advise what you could do, as I take it that this person is an adult living on their own without a carer and as you say, you don't want to push your views on him. But the way he is living is not good for his health, so if you want the best for him you might need to have a difficult conversation. If you do this, it's probably best to say up front that it's up to him whether he takes your advice, but that you just want him to have a better quality of life.
Sleeping well and eating properly are important not only to physical health, but also mental health. It's good to have a daily schedule of things to do, including having meals and washing/showering at set times each day. If he lives on his own it doesn't matter too much where he sleeps, but he should use proper bedding, take off his trousers and lay down properly on the sofa. A warm duvet over him should prevent the need to have heating on, which you could point out costs money. If the TV helps him get to sleep that's not a big deal, but it should ideally be on a timer so it's not on all night. Perhaps he could try playing quiet music or use one of those apps that play soothing sounds instead of the TV. If he needs a light on, he could use a night light - I have a plug in one that is left plugged into a socket in the hallway, and leave my bedroom door open.
When people are depressed, doctors advise that they try to get up and get washed and dressed every morning and also try to get outside every day - even if it's just to stand outside for a few minutes or go down the road and back. Perhaps you could arrange to go for a walk with him each day, so he has something to get ready for? Perhaps you could go shopping with him and help him buy simple meals he can prepare for himself, toiletries and some new bedding if that is needed? Or help him with getting his bedding washed and hung up to dry (sheets & duvet covers can be difficult to fold on your own!)
I hope things improve.
A tragedy of the late diagnosed 
Learned helplessness. The bane of so many young men.
Sign of depression.
Maybe he is cold or the water feels too heavy. Perhaps he doesn´t have a good pijama or he has one but can´t find it. He needs someone to guide him to sleeping routine, like we do with our kids.
Maybe he is depressed and with no where to go the next morning, so what's the point?
Thankyou for your reply. I appreciate it l.
Or is it because he is Autistic and has ADHD? I dont know. He has constant racing thoughts which consume his mind affecting everything. The psychologist that diagnosed Autism said simply allow your thoughts to pass you by and a psychiatrist has told him that if he wants to stop them he can, but he cant. They are not voices but thoughts.
