Hi everyone. I've just joined and would like to say hi.

Hi Thomas and welcome to the forum.

I hope you feel comfortable and safe here and I’m sure you’ll find lots of kind supportive beings to chat with. 

I found these websites really helpful

embrace-autism.com/.../ and https://autistic-village.com/

They won't help with problems with neighbours or getting out of the house but there's lots of information on there about difficulties autistic people can face and why we are different. 

SpikeyMark said:

I don't really go out by myself - usually only with my wife. One thing that got me out is that I occasionally look after a dog. This got me out twice a day and led to chats that always are about dogs. This may be worth thinking about. Also the dog is brilliant company. 

Battersea Dogs Home needs you!

It's true though.

I'm quite a shy person and easily embarrassed.

However, if a person has a dog I'm all over them!

I tend to talk to the dog though rather than the person, but still, it's a great way to be social and might even be a partner meeting point.

I remember on one occasion a man standing in a shopping centre holding a puppy Husky dog and he had women surrounding him the whole time (Google Husky puppies to understand).

Hi Thomas and welcome.

I was diagnosed last year in my fifties. I have found myself a little bit confined to my house. The only times I go out are with my dog or on the rare occasions to the supermarket when quiet.

I find I will go out more when my partner is here but in the whole my safe space is home.

Hi Thomas,

I'm in my 50s and have also got more agoraphobic. I don't really go out by myself - usually only with my wife. One thing that got me out is that I occasionally look after a dog. This got me out twice a day and led to chats that always are about dogs. This may be worth thinking about. Also the dog is brilliant company. 

That's one of the signs that an autistic person would instantly say, "you've passed!". Ambiguous questions that make total sense to an non-autistic person.

Hi Thomas and welcome. I just joined here as well and have found this such a friendly and welcoming community. I really feel I belong here. I hope you will find the same :) 

I know what you mean, my mother used to say (and probably still thinks) I am blunt as my father was a Yorkshireman

Hi Thomas welcome. 

Hi again. Yes, that's been a difficult part of my life. Identifying myself. I've I try to be sociable when i have to by saying 'hi', but beyond that, I don't have daily conversations or anything I would gossip or talk about like people do when they meet on the street. I've tried to fit in many times with differing company, only to find rejection, bemusement, and sometimes physical attack and being used by people, as I'm quite a giving person. staying at home has been the safest and most stable option i can have. I am used to it. It's far from an ideal life to lead I know, but anything else outside and being around people leaves me in a vulnerable position that makes me feel ill at the thought of it the majority of the time. Thanks again.

Thank you! The community has already made me feel welcome and I appreciate this so much!

Hi out of step, And thank you for your kind thoughts and words. Yes, I hope for some rejuvenation at some point. I have already gained so much hope just interacting with you folk on here. And I'm sure I'll learn a lot from you folk, just listening and getting to know you all. Ty so much.

I have read your thread with interest tonight. I really hope you get what you need in life.  It's never too late to start again, there's always hope. Being that maybe things do or dont need to change, but find who you really are and acceptance of yourself.We are a varied bunch here. I'm sure you'll pick up one or two nuggets along the way. Best of luck.

Hi Pixie! I took the online test and scored 34 out of a possible 50. 

Hi Pixie, I just had to let you know, I started taking the test, and the second question, straight away seems so confusing, This is part of my condition, sentenses like this have muliple meanings to me, So funny 

Yes, I've learned to do what I can, when I can, and I try not to be too hard on myself, but I always am. and yes, I totally feel the square peg in a round hole scenario.  I've dreamed of being in the local Park in Summertime for the past 4 years, I'd imagine picking a spot early out of the way near a tree, and have a straw hat over my head and eyes and soaking up some sunshine. maybe one of these summers. I really appreciate all the kind words from all of you folks. Thank you.

Hi Ian, And thank you for reaching out. I went to see an autism doctor about 6 years ago, I think I asked my doctor and was referred. He said 'Yes, there's 'Something' there, but didn't explain what or if it is autism or related, I left feeling very confused. I didn't get a chance to tell him about my habits the way I have on here already, He was telling me stories about other peoples autism and how he was dealing with one of his patients. coming in here and reading stories so similar to mine, and seeing so many traits in myself that I see in my nephew, who has Asbergers, makes me know that I am still undiagnosed, and for the doctor to tell me 'There's something there' has left me dangling. and I can't go through that again at the moment, hoping for a conclusion that never comes. Thank you for your reply.

Hi Pixiefox. I've moved around so much in recent years. Although I've stayed at this house for just over 5 years, When I asked my doctor for help the one and only time, they hadn't read my files but offered no help and have not contacted me once. I'm quite isolated with my problems and have no one to talk to about these things. 

I will take the screening test, Ty

The moving that I constantly do is like hoping my lottery ticket comes up, I know, But one day I might get lucky and find somewhere that I can open up a bit more, I understand what you're saying, but I've estranged myself so much up this 4 story building that I'd rather try to move again. It's a false hope in so many ways, but It's my way of trying to get better in my mind. The house i stay in faces North, and on top of that, I have my windows and curtains closed all the time, It would be nice to have some sunshine, that's something I miss a lot, I haven't been out in Summertime for the past 4 years that I remember. I've beacame burned out to the point that I've became accustomed to accepting this is my life I'm 59 years old now, and I feel the last 15 years or so have flown by me, being so aggoraphobic and not interacting with the world. 

I don't understand fully why i end up being up through the night, Maybe its because I don't go out, and the night also saves me from this ordeal. and also the peace and quiet of night is soothing for me. I end up lapping myself with the hours, wake at 8 am sometimes through my cycles and I last about a week, then I revert back to day sleeping and awake at night. I try to sneak outwith my rubbish bags at around 4:30 am when I remember and my head is not racing with relived images and moments from my past, that happens from the moment i wake up, and prevents me from sleeping too. I just leave a blanket on my sofa and have slept there for as long as i can remember, I dont use my bed or bedroom, thougfh I have a very comfortable memory foam mattress. I've never liked bedrooms strangely, Mainly because I go to bed and lie there awake with my head racing. Sleep comes when i get physically exhausted

Yes, I do 99% of my shopping online and have it delivered, even then I'm russhing to get the groceries from the delivery person, before any of my neighbours come out or pass by. I'm very bad at thinking of going to the shop at a pre destined time, these things happen on the spur of the moment sometimes, a lot of times I want to go to the local shop, but give in to the fear.

I would love to have the courage and abilty to visit my Mum more often, My mum just turned 90 years old last week, I hope to get to visit her for xmas, but in reality, I Feel I won't manage. My Dad commited suicide many years ago, on Boxing day. And I think he must have had what he has passed on to me and my brothers and sister. So it's a very emotional time for me, and sleeping through the day helps me not be part of it all I know this is not a great way to deal with things. I'm just quite burned out at this stage in my life 59yo I'm sorry if my messages aren't making any logical sense

Hi Shardovan. Yes, I feel an affinity already. being able to open up to you folks is so scary, but I already know I have a big family here that I'm going to cherrish getting to know. Yes, I've missed many things with last minute/second impulses and not been able to leave the house, but also important things, like funerals. I don't contact people on their birthdays and I don't know exactly why I'm overwhelmed not to call them etc.. It's like I blur the moment out. I don't know if this makes sense! I remember things from my past and re live them almost every day, some very emotional periods in my life, times I've been attacked and beaten, called names. I think all these things have taken me to where I am now, both mentally and physically. I'm not giving up though. I have a big heart full of love and all I've ever done is worry and care about this planet and its occupants. I will try to focus on the doctors and the dentists in due time. when/if I have/get the energy. Thank you!

Hi Shardovan. I've slept this afternoon and woke after 6pm, and to come back online and find so many supporting replies has been heart warming.  Thank you all for giving me such a warm welcome!