The relationships and intimacy strategy thread

TheCatWoman said:

I think for us autists the need for alone time is hard for others to understand,along with absorbtion in hobbies etc. I've been told many times how wonderfully diferent I am to any other woman they've known, independent, strong, not clingy, intellegent, knowlegable etc. Until they find that I'm too all of the above and they don't like it, they don't actually want someone who can be independent and sort things out for herself, they want and expect to be asked. They don't want to be told no and why I disagree with them, especially if I'm going against what "thier pack" expects.

TheCatWoman said:

I don't notice flirting, it goes right over my head, I just think they're being friendly, it wouldn't even occur to me to ask if they were. I'm sure I've missed opportunities from this, or had lucky escapes.

This fits in well to my no. 1 below - male or female.

I've had disagreements here in the past with others who think that women should comply with rigid 1950s style ideals of women.

I've also been told that it's easier for women to meet partners (than men) even if autistic but I think that us missing the signals and not understanding allistic communications etc are just the same for us as for men. 

Social anxiety is there in the mix too for females as well as males.

I think that autistic women are unlikely to come across as conventional and to accede to society's more conservative expectations and if they do, they may well be very unhappy indeed.

So, it's good I think to realise that no matter what society demands of us, it's not necessarily natural to us.

For men, there are different expectations, but I suspect the same struggles with fulfilling these rigid roles.

With regard to men, I think that it's hard if there are still expectations for men to ask the women out 1st.

I don't know if that's still the case.

By-the-way, apologise for only speaking of 'men' and 'women' for the purpose of this particular point, I can't think of another way of expressing myself.

There's also the expectation in some instances for women to be the more social ones, or drive the conversation.  I'm not just talking about dating,  but situations in general. I also wonder if because now so much choice is available, via the internet  it possibly means less effort or commitment has to be put in because you can simply "get a new one".

I can believe part of that as I know someone who has been on the apps for a while. I don't know if she chooses conventionally attractive people but the dates who turn into courtship all seem to end up with the fact they like messing women around. It's quite a transient section of society that she lives in.

I also know people who've had success on other less well known apps.

out_of_step said:

so much choice is available, via the internet 

Zero choice available to some of us. I’ve seen a lot of coverage of this online, including statistics released by Tinder, which seem to be saying that 90% of men essentially get zero dates because 80%+ of the women on these sites only pick the top few percent of most attractive men, and those men are happy to hop around all the women they get matched with.

out_of_step said:

so much choice is available, via the internet 

Zero choice available to some of us. I’ve seen a lot of coverage of this online, including statistics released by Tinder, which seem to be saying that 90% of men essentially get zero dates because 80%+ of the women on these sites only pick the top few percent of most attractive men, and those men are happy to hop around all the women they get matched with.

I can believe part of that as I know someone who has been on the apps for a while. I don't know if she chooses conventionally attractive people but the dates who turn into courtship all seem to end up with the fact they like messing women around. It's quite a transient section of society that she lives in.

I also know people who've had success on other less well known apps.