The relationships and intimacy strategy thread

I don't notice flirting, it goes right over my head, I just think they're being friendly, it wouldn't even occur to me to ask if they were. I'm sure I've missed opportunities from this, or had lucky escapes.

I think when you're older there's a general lack of ways to meet people, as either potential lovers or friends, people either seem to be part of an established group or they are a small coterie of couples.

I think it's easy to over think what we want from relationships, when you look at guides etc from "experts" they seem to me to be very biased towards social norms and many if them American social norms, such as having a "man to take care of you", it seems to mean financially, but is that really appropriate in the UK where we don't have the pressure of needing good private health care? A lot of books talk about making lists and "manifesting", manifesting seems to be a cosmic ordering service in this context and far removed from any spiritual context that it once had, of course it's you who are wrong if your dreams don't come true, do another course costing megabucks to find out why. Obviously we all have preferences about people we find attractive and those we don't, but I think unless someone really gives us the ick, then don't write them off because they're not fulfilling your tick list.

I think for us autists the need for alone time is hard for others to understand,along with absorbtion in hobbies etc. I've been told many times how wonderfully diferent I am to any other woman they've known, independent, strong, not clingy, intellegent, knowlegable etc. Until they find that I'm too all of the above and they don't like it, they don't actually want someone who can be independent and sort things out for herself, they want and expect to be asked. They don't want to be told no and why I disagree with them, especially if I'm going against what "thier pack" expects.

I lost all libido when I went through menopause and it's been such a relief, it's allowed me to be much clearer about what I want from any relationships and I realised I don't want it at all. I thought about the common denominators in my relationships, it me, I'm just not cut out for them, it made me realise how much sex was a driver for wanting relationships, that and the need to fit in with everybody else. Now I can get what I need emotionally from my animals, I get walks and cuddles, Fearn sometime answers me back when she disagrees with me, Boris the cat sat with me whilst I waited to throw up the other night. I feel liberated from the need to conform to the expectations of others.

I think I was better with a friend with benefits than a relationship as I didn't have to engage more than I wanted too or give more emotionally than I was able.

I don't notice flirting, it goes right over my head, I just think they're being friendly, it wouldn't even occur to me to ask if they were. I'm sure I've missed opportunities from this, or had lucky escapes.

I think when you're older there's a general lack of ways to meet people, as either potential lovers or friends, people either seem to be part of an established group or they are a small coterie of couples.

I think it's easy to over think what we want from relationships, when you look at guides etc from "experts" they seem to me to be very biased towards social norms and many if them American social norms, such as having a "man to take care of you", it seems to mean financially, but is that really appropriate in the UK where we don't have the pressure of needing good private health care? A lot of books talk about making lists and "manifesting", manifesting seems to be a cosmic ordering service in this context and far removed from any spiritual context that it once had, of course it's you who are wrong if your dreams don't come true, do another course costing megabucks to find out why. Obviously we all have preferences about people we find attractive and those we don't, but I think unless someone really gives us the ick, then don't write them off because they're not fulfilling your tick list.

I think for us autists the need for alone time is hard for others to understand,along with absorbtion in hobbies etc. I've been told many times how wonderfully diferent I am to any other woman they've known, independent, strong, not clingy, intellegent, knowlegable etc. Until they find that I'm too all of the above and they don't like it, they don't actually want someone who can be independent and sort things out for herself, they want and expect to be asked. They don't want to be told no and why I disagree with them, especially if I'm going against what "thier pack" expects.

I lost all libido when I went through menopause and it's been such a relief, it's allowed me to be much clearer about what I want from any relationships and I realised I don't want it at all. I thought about the common denominators in my relationships, it me, I'm just not cut out for them, it made me realise how much sex was a driver for wanting relationships, that and the need to fit in with everybody else. Now I can get what I need emotionally from my animals, I get walks and cuddles, Fearn sometime answers me back when she disagrees with me, Boris the cat sat with me whilst I waited to throw up the other night. I feel liberated from the need to conform to the expectations of others.

I think I was better with a friend with benefits than a relationship as I didn't have to engage more than I wanted too or give more emotionally than I was able.