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Advice for adult relationships?

HarQ

Not yet diagnosed, but on the waiting list.

Currently struggling with just ‘coasting’ in my relationship of 4 years and wondering if it’s an autistic trait and if so, are there any management techniques?

I can't come to a decision about the future, even though I love my partner, and they're struggling with the lack of commitment.

Are there any other common issues in relationships to look out for (this is my first serious one) and management strategies for these?

Parents

  • Hi and welcome to the community!

    I'll offer the following advice based on the assumption that your partner is neurotypical - please accept my apologies if that's incorrect.

    You might find this book helpful. It specifically focuses on helping autistic + neurotypical couples to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    (It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now simply diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder).

    Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the gender pronouns around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can be confusing, and I kept needing to check and remind myself "which partner is autistic this time?" But the benefits from the book were well worth the effort, I feel.

    The NAS also has some related advice here:

    Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    You might also like to consider couples counselling with a neurodivergent-experienced counsellor.

Reply

  • Hi and welcome to the community!

    I'll offer the following advice based on the assumption that your partner is neurotypical - please accept my apologies if that's incorrect.

    You might find this book helpful. It specifically focuses on helping autistic + neurotypical couples to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    (It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now simply diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder).

    Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the gender pronouns around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can be confusing, and I kept needing to check and remind myself "which partner is autistic this time?" But the benefits from the book were well worth the effort, I feel.

    The NAS also has some related advice here:

    Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    You might also like to consider couples counselling with a neurodivergent-experienced counsellor.

Children
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