Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't really compare myself to others as much as I used to, but this isn't about that.
I'm 27. I've regressed as I've gotten older, I've become more anxious and find it extremely difficult to ask for things when I *need* them, which subsequently gets me into avoidable sticky situations.
I feel like I was expected to know what I wanted to do while I was at school (and I'm probably not alone in that) and I just didn't. I didn't go to university so upon turning 18, I felt completely lost. It was as though the world told me, "you're on your own now, and you're not allowed to ask for help because being an adult means being independent etc". Me, an autistic person, thinking literally? Surely not...
I feel like there's lots of opportunities I missed out on. Whether it be me not asking for help, not networking more, not grabbing things because I was afraid etc.
I feel like I'm getting on a bit now, and that I've missed my chance. I don't feel you get many opportunities now, and it feels like I'm going to be playing catch-up for the rest of my life.
This is a bit more vent-y than I was going for but it's something I've recently struggled with.
Well I think we all feel a bit like that from time to time. Even non autistic people are feeling like that. It’s normal to feel like that. When we are young the world holds so much promise, dreams can come true, anything is possible and there is soooo much time. Then we get older and we fall into the same trap most people do of living in the mundane world where we start to adopt the mental practice of telling ourselves that nothing good ever happens for us etc. we lose our spark of life. I have a non autistic friend who is dead inside man. He was so full of life and joy. Now he’s given up on life lost his job and girlfriend. Now he’s a lonely guy living in a shoebox apartment looking back on the past with envy at what it used to be like. It’s the same for us all. As we get older the world seems to become so dead and lifeless. I know autistic people are even more joyless and devoid of happiness than the general population but hey even as autistic as we are I remember enjoying being a kid though. I mean I enjoy my life now but being a kid was cool when I wasn’t getting bullied etc. honestly life is kinda better for me now as an adult tbh. But yeh we are so content and happy when we are kids. I remember other kids in primary school being you know understanding of me being different. But as an adult people just don’t care they want your money or your love or something the point is as an adult people want you for something they want to take from you. But when we were kids we were more caring. At least I was more caring as a kid. As an adult now I am less open hearted as I have been through the system like we all have and I have lost some of my belief in humanity. I used to help strangers out if I saw them struggling but now I just concentrate on my family and people that mean something to me. I no longer feel obliged to help everybody like I used to. You’ve gotta protect what’s important to you as an adult. Your family, your kids, your wife/girlfriend and your loved ones. Man it sounds harsh but you gotta concentrate on yourself before anybody. I have a friend that’s autistic and he is very naive, he would give away all his life savings if someone showed him something he thought was love. Some people are sadly going to be used as a doormat by people in life. Just make sure your not one of those people. Stand up for what is right. People will take advantage of many autistic people because of they’re naivety and vulnerability.