Published on 12, July, 2020
Historically, I've felt too embarrassed and intimidated to share my opinion, or stick up for myself. Unsurprisingly, this made it easy for me to be taken advantage of and walked over.
When I first discovered autism communities online, at first I enjoyed it but getting through to strangers on the internet is not as important to me as getting through to friends & family.
I'm not good at speaking on the spot, which is countered by the fact that I'm good at coming up with jokes/humour on the spot. Therefore, when dealing with confrontation, I can't deal with it. I then beat myself up because I didn't respond and ruminate over what I should have said. I might end up doing this for years.
There's also certain things I've gone through in my life that I don't feel I'm allowed to speak about (outside of therapy) because I fear that I'll be judged and no one will even want to hear it. That's probably the main feeling I've had throughout my life (no one wants to listen).
Does anything help with that?
There are some things I chose not to speak about outside therapy or a similar theraputic setting, I'm used to be judged without being heard too, I think thats why over the years I've generally become more silent and have learned to think before confiding. I've slo been told way to often that certain things didn't happen, even though I remember them well and sometimes have supporting evidence, it wouldn't be so bad if they were all things that others could reasonably be expected to be in denial about, but some aren't and that really messes with my head, why should recounting a perfectly normal memory from childhood bring about accusastions of lying?
If it were me, I'd think about assetiveness training maybe with the support of a therapist.
I know Asian families can be very harsh when wnting someone to do something and really really push. Youo could always just try saying 'No I chose not to do....' and when they argue just tell them you're chosing not to engage and walk away, or you could tell them that if something's that important then they can do themselves.
None of it is easy though, especially as this has been going on for years, it's going to take a while for them to respect your choices. Are there any sheltered housing options via the council or something that you could explore?