Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All,
This is my first post here and wanted to reach out to others as im completely and utterly lost.
Im 37 and only recently been diagnosed with autism. It has answered alot of quested but also made be question alot more about who I am. I am seeing a psychologist weekly but came across this site and wondered if hearing other peoples experiences would help.
Currently im experiencing bouts of anger of not being able to put across to my partner what or how im feeling. This is resulting in meltdowns and arguments about the simplest of things. Does any one else experience this and if so how do you deal with it?
This maybe a different topic but it seems to be linked, well with me anyway. I have realised that i seem to live in a fantasy ideas, where for example there is a event coming up and think about how its going to be how i am going to be and then it comes along as its completely different and then i struggle to be in the moment and then get frustrated about it. Its even like that in my relationship, while growing up i had this ideal of what a relationship would be, white picket fences and butterfly essentially but the reality it isnt that. I know typing this out make me feel a little stupid a nieve, but its really not helping me. I wondered if anyone else has experenced this?
Look forward to hearing from you all
Hi - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!
It's great that you've already found some benefit from your diagnosis.
However, during the period following a diagnosis it also can be common for us - especially as late-diagnosed adults - to experience emotional dysregulation. So please don't worry, this is normal! This can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.
The NAS has a great set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months - you might find them of interest and/or helpful:
NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis
NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis
I would suggest giving yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.
For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, with lots to learn about myself and explore.
Therapy is often recommended after a diagnosis, and I note you mentioned that you're already seeing a psychologist. Depending on how well you feel that's going, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:
The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy
Feeling upset when plans change or when things don't turn out as we envisaged or expected them to be is also a common issue for us, so again you're far from alone in feeling those frustrations.