Published on 12, July, 2020
TRIGGER WARNING.
I'm worried bout my partner.It's been bad in our relationship. Communication is very triggering, we both get triggered feel unheard and stressed.
I've been very low for months. I hit the rock bottom and I was contemplating suicide. I have gone through the health and social care routes that only offered waiting lists or pills.Recently I had an attempt but couldn't go with it. I got rid of everything I prepared and long story short I am turning this around by myself. (Not completely - I reached out to people in my life and made point of renewing connections)I was applying some self help techniques and generally putting myself first and looking after myself.I feel better, I am happier.Interactions with partner still cost me a lot. When I'm able to I do try to listen to him. I still care, but it takes so much. I don't feel heard, it doesn't seem like he wants to listen to me when I have something to bring up. He keeps saying how stressed he is by everything. To the point that I don't think there is a safe subject. Every conversation can end horribly wrong despite my best efforts to try be understanding and manage my emotions (I do get triggered. I do my best but I'm human and can't just switch it off)
Long story short. I feel better and just do me. I avoid spending time with him. I talk to people whom I get pleasant interactions with and from whom I feel that they care about me.I can only care for him if I have any capacity left, because I put myself first out of necessity.
He is feeling worse, he is in physical pain exacerbated by stress, he seems to be suffering more and more.I still care about his wellbeing, but there is nothing I can do. If I try my attempts end up being often wrong anyway.
I really don't know what to do.I can't help, and I can't continue living like this. I'm contemplating moving out, but I feel that he will fall apart completely then. Or at least end up in financial trouble.
I'm not sure if there is anything left to rebuild. I wish there was a way. I want to talk about it, find some way that might work. He gets upset just at the idea of talking.
It does look like an unsolvable situation.I guess I'd just like to offer him something that can help him feel better. Something he can do, because I don't think I can anymore.
It's very hard to see him suffer and to feel so helpless. Even more so that I also feel he blames his stress partially on me and relationship.
Dear NAS95998,
Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. Thank you for sharing your experience of what you have been through. It is good that you’ve let us know what’s happening. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.
If you or your partner are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support
The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help
If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/
You may also find the following useful:
Organisations such as Women's Aid or Refuge have confidential helplines with advisors that can provide you with support and someone to talk to.
If you feel like you are struggling to communicate within your relationship, you may like to consider couples counselling. You can find information about this on the NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/other-services/Relationship%20counselling/LocationSearch/400
Help for anyone struggling to cope
We hope this is helpful to you.
Kind regards
Rosie Mod