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Ideas and suggestions

Moon Scribe
10 days ago

Hi,

So feel a bit weird being here. I have not been diagnosed with Autism, but recently got referred to my GPs mental health consultant and after my assessment he indicated that I had strong Autistic traits. I am not sure what that means, he didn't really elaborate, and I am a recluse and was under so much stress being out and down the doctors surgery that I just couldn't think of anything other than getting out of there.

I originally went down there because I have bounced out of work again, struggling to be functional. It is something I have been through before, but this time seems worse, I can't seem to work around it like I normally do. I'm used to 'pretending to be normal' but right now that ability seems to have abandoned me. I naturally did some reading, and came across the phrase Autistic Burnout on here. This sound exactly like what I go through, but I am also aware it is easy to feel affinity for symptoms and it just be coincidence.

There doesn't seem to be any help forth coming in the short term, but without work I will be homeless in 10 months (I will run out of money and my tenancy ends). It is just me, so there is no one to help out. I need to start working the problem, and at this point I am willing to try anything. It might turn out to be a mis-diagnosis but I would be interested what people here do to combat and recover from Autistic Burnout. I thought a little trial and error might at least eliminate some things. Getting a bit desperate now, so any suggestions would be helpful.

Thanks

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  • 10 days ago

    Hi Moon Scribe

    I just wanted to add my sympathy. I'm also in IT but have not worked in long while. My burnout led to a long journey with me being assessed. I think your GP is correct to suspect autism based on things that you have said.

    If you are not working at all, are you able to compete online for little programming contracts? I don't mean with the idea of making pots of money - as there is always someone willing to work for very little. But more to keep your mind active and keep your CV going.

    Another observation - it is common for autistics to be 'people pleasers'. Your story of doing 100 hour weeks is an indicator of this. I think most neurotypical people would just put their foot down, not do all that extra work and still keep the job. I'm guessing you may not like confrontation and/or want to please your employers. I would work on this aspect to make future jobs more bearable.

    Hope to see you on here.

  • 9 days ago in reply to Mark (formerly Spikey)

    Thanks Mark. Yes I am a people pleaser, I think because I have 'problems' it translates into the need to be a bit above and beyond to justify them putting up with the extra hassle. That said the 100 hour thing was the other side of the coin. I make things bearable by having a plan, knowing what I am going to do, how long it will take, and knowing that I can do it in the time I have. Most of the time this keeps things healthy, but when things go really wrong it turns into a stick to beat myself with. I was always just a couple of weeks off getting the project back on track. It meant feeling back on top of things was in reach if I just pushed through. The long hours are less painful than the constant uncertainty and changes of direction. In this instance I was working for someone who changed his mind multiple times a day, and no matter how hard I chased he kept the project on the edge of failure, the harder I pushed the more leeway he felt he had to just throw a spanner in the works. While he was off daydreaming about productizing the system I was building as a separate revenue stream, the company was facing a major release without a core part of the system. He also promised 2 other people on the project who never materialized. I got trapped by it all and I was so tired I couldn't really see a way out. It was only in retrospect that I realized I was trying to do the impossible and should have left a long time before. I did finally get it done, helped hire a replacement, and left, but by then I was very broken, and it hasn't been the same since.

    I am 'working' on some of my own software to try and build back up a tolerance. I'm not sure it is helping but I am out of ideas. It isn't really the same as I know what I am doing, it is the volatility of working for others that causes the breakdowns. In the past I have done smaller pieces of work independently but the industry has moved away from that it seems. I haven't had any luck finding anything like that.

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  • 9 days ago in reply to Mark (formerly Spikey)

    Thanks Mark. Yes I am a people pleaser, I think because I have 'problems' it translates into the need to be a bit above and beyond to justify them putting up with the extra hassle. That said the 100 hour thing was the other side of the coin. I make things bearable by having a plan, knowing what I am going to do, how long it will take, and knowing that I can do it in the time I have. Most of the time this keeps things healthy, but when things go really wrong it turns into a stick to beat myself with. I was always just a couple of weeks off getting the project back on track. It meant feeling back on top of things was in reach if I just pushed through. The long hours are less painful than the constant uncertainty and changes of direction. In this instance I was working for someone who changed his mind multiple times a day, and no matter how hard I chased he kept the project on the edge of failure, the harder I pushed the more leeway he felt he had to just throw a spanner in the works. While he was off daydreaming about productizing the system I was building as a separate revenue stream, the company was facing a major release without a core part of the system. He also promised 2 other people on the project who never materialized. I got trapped by it all and I was so tired I couldn't really see a way out. It was only in retrospect that I realized I was trying to do the impossible and should have left a long time before. I did finally get it done, helped hire a replacement, and left, but by then I was very broken, and it hasn't been the same since.

    I am 'working' on some of my own software to try and build back up a tolerance. I'm not sure it is helping but I am out of ideas. It isn't really the same as I know what I am doing, it is the volatility of working for others that causes the breakdowns. In the past I have done smaller pieces of work independently but the industry has moved away from that it seems. I haven't had any luck finding anything like that.

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