Aspie Verbosity as a problem to NTs

Hi All,

I'm a lot like what you have described. Hope it doesn't look too rant-styled  

Let me give you an example, I was recently contacted by my council's housing/social services occupational therapy (OT) department after being referred to them by my social worker. Unfortunatly I got phoned out of the blue by a referral and advice officer (RAO) (i.e. lay person - not a professional per say) who wanted to know what my current housing and other difficulties were.

As I did not have all the info to hand, I asked if I could email them back later with it. Again unfortunatly they do not have a specific email for this service but a generic council one. So in the end as I wasn't able to articulate the info they needed, my referral was not approved. Only after some persuading that I got an email address from the RAO that my referral was finally accepted. I also had to explain to them that just because my difficutlies were psychological (i.e. mental health + Autism) should not mean I cannot get a service from them. 

The email I sent to RAO was short as I too felt from their conversation that they didn't give me all the info about what their next action steps would be (i.e. when I will be contacted by OT?, do they have specialist autism training as required by Autism Act 2009? etc) + I was right that it would be too much info if I explained fully that I was unhappy they had dealt with my refferal thus far but I didn't have the energy to do it at the time. Maybe useless to spend doing for this admin person. I've had better experiance with other admin people at the council even if they can't deal with my issue.  

urspecial

By the way like Intenseworld I'm also against natural injustice and for a long time have been contemplating becoming a social worker. But due to ones I've had to encounter (adult social workers) prehaps loosing the steam they entered the profession with and with all the bureaucracy and having to "professionally" challenge senior managers/commissioners to give some small funding to meet a client's needs - can't see entering this world yet.

Thanks for your replies ladies.  DaisyGirl you sound like me.  Apparently I come across OK in person (but then that is with friends who have advocated for me and given me input) but facing intimidating situations alone, I find it harder.

I confess it does grate that professionals have this attitude, Joe Public should be compliant and do as they are told.  Where is the culture of mutual respect, respect for parents (as well as individuals with ASC)?

I too am totally exhausted from years of being NT-like, and I think now the facade is slipping a little as it's too hard to maintain and NTs make assumptions based on their NT perspective which are unfavourable to someone with AS.  I read somewhere that female Aspies cry really easily, and it's true in my case, if people confront me I too fall to pieces and can't keep the tears in.  It frustrates me to lose control that way because I feel crying is a weakness, but my body doesn't listen to me.  I feel that no professional will respect you if you start crying (NT empathy 'aint always what it's cracked up to be!)

Coogybear, NTs just don't like detail.  I don't know why, I feel they should be grateful that you explained something so well, and appreciate that it gives them the full picture.  But they don't.  They are either too lazy to read it or it stresses them out and they just see it as something insurmountable.  I mean, I don't present a wall of text, I punctuate and use paragraphs, and even check it reads logically and flows OK and makes sense.  People don't want to spend a little bit of time.  And bearing in mind that verbally, is very hit and miss sometimes for me, I like to give things in writing to get it across.  Processing delays in conversation also mean I might understand what is being said at the time, but not process the full context or implications of it.  I get a delayed reaction to those things a lot of the time.

I also get the minutiae thing totally.  A friend of mine, who seems to have one foot in neurodiversity and one in NT so is a good friend to have, explained to me that I give equal weight to all details.  This was an excellent way of putting it.  It's true, and I couldn't say it better.

I'm also like you, very passive (although I am also a bit extreme in emotions, so when I am any particular emotion, I am really that emotion) so left to my own devices I am placid.  But as I said, if I'm upset the tears pour easily.  If I am humoured I will really crack up, but if someone has offended me I also perseverate on it and just think "how could they do that" and the empathy side means I wouldn't instinctively look for causes or excuse their behaviour.  It's a bit of a roller coaster.

I thought I was anxious, and I think I sort of am, but it's kept in check very well unless other people cause me anxiety!  It's mostly from the actions or words of others that I get anxious.  I think this speaks to the NT world being challenging generally for us because the sorts of NT behaviours we regularly encounter are either illogical, unacceptable or unfair to us.

Hi Intenseworld,

I've spent a lifetime either trying to understand or be understood!

I thought my own overexplaination of things was merely to clarify the points i seem so badly to convey, but i'd never viewed it from your perspective before. I'm a fairly pasive individual and find challenging professionals or authority very difficult to deal with. My hope is that by trying to explain things more clearly, I avoid such confrontation. It doesn't always work in fact. In my experience over explaining things often gets people more confused, yet I still manage to be the master of understatement most days. When I tell someone i'm unwell, i'm normally at deaths door!

For someone who has spent her life looking at the minutiae of things in order to make sense of the world, it becomes difficult to separate such detail from expression I find.

I've come to believe this is just how it is. My children; also Aspies, do it as well. Tell you the truth I am a very anxious person, so if it comes accross, it's one of the few emotions I manage to convey clearly, so it's tough as far as i'm concerned for all those who perceive me that way. Yet if that's not you, then I can understand your anguish.

Hope you find the answer.

I love the word incidently. verbosity!

I think professionals have to start being professional, and reacting to people who ask questions, or ask for information as reasonable human beings. I think all these professionals (teachers and doctors are the worst in my opinion) think the general public should just sit silently and take the information they are willing to provide , and any additional information is a state secret they don't want to give. I don't want to be a passive recipient of what they offer, and be shunted from one arrogant erson to another, so I ask questions. The hostility I get back is awful.

I find, that as long as I have been polite, and have taken an absolutely non-aggressive position (it helps that I am very small and absolutely non-threatening) I can always stand my ground and be on the right side. I cannot change my approach. All those years of acting NT took a really terrible toll on me, I was absolutely mentally exhausted, and I am never going back to that.

I now just take on the most concilliatory tone I can, unfortunately if they are really aggressive back I just melt into panic mode. Professionals should be prepared to answer questions, but they just don't seem to like to for some reason.