Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I am pondering the idea of dating again (31F). I was wondering if you have any tips? As I don’t know when do you tell someone you’re on the spectrum?
I was diagnosed late in life 25/26 years old - tbh I feel life has sort of stood still or stopped, in some areas of my life since my diagnosis. Also I guess if anyone has any relationship advice, as I don’t know if it was my aspy stuff or probably that it was the wrong relationship or both. But I would definitely over think everything and never feel good enough.
I think I always worry as I loss interest so easily, that maybe I actually won’t be able to withstand the longevity of a relationship. Tbc.
Well thanks anyway
I would probably not raise it as a subject on the first date but see if you find any red flags that make you want to back out - no point making the focus of conversation your autism as that starts it off talking about negative things typically.
If the date goes well and you enjoy the vibes from the other person then consider it on the second or third, but even then I would try to make it about one of the strengths rather than negatives if you can - maybe your ability to pick out changes in patterns in things making you great at spotting defects in things, your encyclopaedic knowledge of Harry Potter making you a hit with your young relatives or whatever.
There are some books that give a lot more help than I can offer:
The Asperger Love Guide - A Practical Guide for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome to Seeking, Establishing and Maintaining Successful Relationships - Genevieve Edmonds, Dean Worton (2005)ISBN 141291910XAn Aspie's Guide to Intimacy, Dating, Sex and Marriage - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501273Love, Partnership, or Singleton on the Autism Spectrum - Luke Beardon (2017)eISBN 978178450484
At the end of the day remember that you are guaranteed to no succeed in 100% of the things that you never try, so give it a go, enjoy the experience and maybe you will find the right person.
Thank you for the great advice Iain! Also thank you so much for the book recommendations! I was just doing a book shop last night and never finished it, so perfect timing! Yes I believe I shall just have to try!