Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't feel like it went well at all =(
I'm not contact with most of my family for various reasons, and so don't really have anyone thay can corroborate my traits having been there since childhood. Before my assessment I explained this, and gave phone numbers for my uncle (who I'm not sure how helpful he'd be, due to family issues I'm not sure he saw me much as a young kid), and a high school friend. I also spent a few hours writing down notes about all the traits and my struggles that I could think of. I was under the assumption people would have been contact and questions asked, plus my list read beforehand, and so didn't being them in to help me as I maybe should have.
I found it incredibly difficult thinking of a lot of it on the spot, and many of the questions didn't really lead to me discussing some of what was in my initial list. And so because I'd had a poor relationship with somewhat emotionally abusive parents, I was told that "I have autistic traits, but they could have been because of my parents mistreatment and it isn't clear that I have ASD". I waa also basically told that if is been assessed some years ago I'd have been diagnosed with Aspergers, but by today's DSM criteria, unless they get more info from my uncle and friend to prove early childhood traits, I don't get a diagnosis.
I feel very disheartened by this. A lot of my parents mistreatment of me, I feel, was exactly because I showed autistic traits, not the cause of them (such as them getting angry at me for replying words and phrases, or sometimes even sounds I'd heard from others, repeatedly listening to the same songs over and over, spending too much time in my room by myself, or the fact I'd flat out refuse to eat many foods because of their texture.)
I'm not sure what my next steps should be.
Have others struggled in similar ways to me? Or, managed go get a diagbosis despite not having anyone to prove early childhood experiences?
Is it worth me trying to seek out a 2nd opinion, or the fact I'm no contact with family just mean I get the same response?
Because of my troubles explaining myself in a verbal manner, I found it very stressful today and I'm scared also that seeking a 2nd opinion would just result in exactly the same.
Thanks in advance for any advice!
Hi Aurielle,
Firstly, you will always be welcome here.
I'm reading a book called "How Not to Fit In: An Unapologetic Guide to Navigating Autism and ADHD". They talk of the important moment being the moment of realisation, and not the diagnosis. They are very pro self identification. I am only part way through, but it sounds like it could help you. With this moment in mind, which you have already had, what do you think that you really need out of an official diagnosis?
Also, from what you said, they have soft-diagnosed you with Asperger's, even though that is not 'official'. Also, they have not said that you are not autistic. They are almost saying that they do not have enough information yet. If you do not decide to get a second opinion, I would keep those two facts in mind and be self identifying.
That's true
I think it's a mix of imposter syndrome, and also knowing that a lot of people won't believe you if you haven't been fully diagnosed, that made me feel going and seeking one out is the best thing to do, incase I ever actually need it for accommodations in the future.
In most online spaces I'm part of they're very accepting of self-diagmosis and that's been great and very helpful. But I would also like to be able to discuss things with my partners family too, and I think my main worry is that they won't believe me if I haven't been diagnosed. (Thay could be me overworrying potentially. They're lovely people. But I've been dismissed so many times over various things in life that its just a default worry for me I guess?)
This may or may not be an option. I'm clutching at straws here... When I was diagnosed earlier this year, I couldn't use my parents because I am 50 something and they are long gone! My wife had spoken to my mum lots when we first got together and could remember some observations. They also took on trust many of my own observations about my own childhood. You have already said in your first post some of your memories about how they got mad at you and why - these should be good evidence. Is there anyone that you have lost touch with that could help?
But again, I can only repeat myself - they haven't said that you are not. They just do not have enough information. They are two different things.
Yeah, the only person is my uncle who historically doesn't have a good relationship with my dad (his brother) either, and so could only trust reaching out to him. Am awaiting them trying to contact him for more info, as i say. But he didn't get to see me much as a kid due to issues with my dad so unsure how helpful he may be. But we'll see.
Yeah, will have to hold on to that fact I think!
Thankyou!