Type of support? Or do I need it? What is missing in me?

Hi Hawk256,

For me friendships are a bit of a 'catch 22'. I don't really want to talk to people or socialise and therefore don't develop friendships.I do have a couple of friends that I see infrequently and a partner who I have lived with for the past 15 years. I don't feel inclined to develop any more friendships. Making friends is not something I want to do but through a combiation luck, drink, loneliness and circumstance I have overcome the unpleasant process of establishing relationships that exist in a way I find comfortable.

I still love being on my own lots and it bothers me if I don't get time to myself. I am glad however that I have my partner. New relationships do seem pointless and unrewarding and everyone just seems like a blank but once a good relationship is established they can be (almost) as nice as doing the things you like in your own company. ;)

'I always feel I am different and the only reason why we even talk to eachother is because we are all in the same office!'.

There is nothing so wrong with that. I suppose any relationship is based on sharing common factor. Sometimes it is a shared interest and sometimes it is a shared circumstance such as a job. Your friend who now has a girlfriend (pregnant) does mean that there is something that you no longer have in common. Are there however still other factors you have in common? eg a history together, location, shared interests?

Do you want any other friends? There are plenty of people who have similar ineterests such as gaming, dvd's and computers. It might sound cold but friends are useful and have their plus points. I wouldn't ever want to give up all my 'me time' and I wouldn't even know how to go about making new friends but I am glad it happened. i still question the validity of the relationships I do have but without them who would  play chess with ;)

Hi,

I believe Longman has covered quite a few valid points.

I have a son with very similar patterns as yourself. He finds familiarity and his game comforts very calming and reassuring. Pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone does not come so easy, however. Familiarity represents safety for some, but safety doesn't always allow for growth of either the mind or the soul. Some are content with that, others yearn for more as they see friends move forward with their lives and that can leave them feeling unhappy.

At 22 I was much like you. Alone in my flat and content not to extend myself, yet I knew I was unhappy. I then began some low level charity work and studying a bit in the evenings and things began to change. It took tremedous effort on my part, but then we only get out of life what we are prepared to put in I guess.

Now of course I've dedicated my life to caring for my boys, but i still need a life beyond what i do as a mum of children with Aspergers.

I think you have a very health feeling towards how you feel. You are looking for answers yourself and thats a positive step forward too. Try some of the suggestions above, you'd be surprized how one small change can make a big difference to your mood. Remember, contrary to what we are led to believe, happiness is not all about material things. 

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. It is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”  

Good Luck,

Coogy.xx

You can certainly find from reading fiction or biographies (or poetry) that most people NTs as well as people on the spectrum, experience a sense of incompleteness or emptiness.

For NTs the pressures of the workplace, raising a family and engaging in complex social interchanges in all directions leaves little room for thinking. But they still complain of emptiness, lack of purpose and lack of fulfilment.

Part of this may be the influence of media - people in films, adverts, lives of pop singers, travel programmes etc etc all expand our potential perception of life experience. Go back a few generations and you find most people stayed in the same town or village all their lives, never went anywhere else even for a holiday, and did the same routine job (six days a week, and because Sunday was church, went there once or twice or read the bible at home). With no other expectations, did they, I wonder, have the same emptiness? The writers of their day were mostly the lazy rich who had nothing to do all day but sit in their drawing rooms being waited on.

People with autism may not have a job, or have a fairly routine short-term occupation that they can get in current circumstances. So that wont be fulfilling. They likely have very little social life, so that leaves big gaps. They aren't likely to be raising a familiy and may find it difficult to connect with family. So there are going to be many opportunities in the day to comtemplate feeling empty and unfulfilled.

However there are forms of socialisation out there that are low intensity social interaction. Join a rambling club, go on organised coachtrips (where bar the inevitable do-gooders who feel you shouldn't sit alone, you can keep your interactions low), join various societies where you can share in activities without having to socialise, get involved in committees and charity work etc etc.

And you can be constructive in finding things to do on your own, and generating more variety in things you do on your own.

Retired people often find it difficult to keep active, especially as work provided their main circle of friends. To survive with intact wits you have to keep yourself busy.

Can I make a suggestion that getting involved in the forum may give you a boost. You've already built up quite a lot of experience and you think about things that may help other people along. Somehow sharing or helping others usually helps you bring a better perpective to your own worries and often shows you a way forward.

The simple act of writing something down, or writing a post makes me feel better.

It is an unfortunate fact that continual worries about something can kick off depression in some folks. But if you find yourself feeling like that it really is worth talking to a doc or someone about it. In the same way a really bad cold can squash you flat depression is a "bug" or illness that makes your mind feel flat. You wouldn't think twice about finding a remedy for a cold and depression needs to be viewed in the same way.

Maybe join an Aspie social group?

Hi - it can be difficult to work out exactly why we feel a certain way at times.  Do you think you'd feel better if you had your own home?