Published on 12, July, 2020
This is no attempt to demonise anyone who may use this. I don't know how common it is within autism spaces anyway, but I know that I've felt this sentiment before many times. If you (friend, family member etc) are not there for me when I'm struggling, then I find it difficult to accept you being there when I'm not.
On the flip side, I know that people's worst can be difficult to tolerate sometimes, depending on what it is. My all-time worst was, on the one hand, not something that I could have feasibly expected people to understand or stick with me through, but it was still extremely isolating.
Sometimes isolation is what we need, no matter who we are.
Everything is truly relative to everything else.
If I am upsetting others with my actions I remove myself if I cannot comply with them.
Sometimes the 'shutters going up' if I can't remove myself and I appear to the observer as 'shut down', while I am actually in hyper aware mode, like I am in a duck-blind.
Really violent meltdowns are best conducted alone, away from others to avoid harm them.
In a word, cultivate detachment and control, by creating a safe physical or mental space for shutting or melting down in.
There is more valuable information to be culled from situational awareness than there is in 'being understood': no one really understands anyone else. We can make educated guesses, at best - based on that situational awareness.
Uhane said:I appear to the observer as 'shut down', while I am actually in hyper aware mode
Appreciated your post and identity with the apparent external "shut down" versus actually internally hyper-aware mode.
If only there were an auto-pilot neon sign at that point across the forehead "patience please".