Published on 12, July, 2020
Iv decided to do a forum on my wildlife holidays where I can tell you about my holiday rather than just sending pictures
cause iv been on lots of them this year rather than only sending photos. also proper trips il tell you about and add photos to go with it on this post aswell. cause it will be easyer and better for me but is also for holidays cause im going on lots of holidays this year and it deserves its own thread in this sense.
my first holiday I went on this year was Wales. I went to Snowdonia near the national park
we saw a lamma and a pony
with the view we got from the cottage we stayed in was of the sea
Jackdaws perched on the buildings when we watched tv we went for a walk and I got great pictures of the moutains
you could see them on the beach outline at the beach the waves I saw a literally called gray heron fly past
the waves crashed against the rocks and became fully submerged until they broke and forced its way over. my long lens saved my life by getting me up close enough to photograph the waders and I saw Great crested grebes.
back at the cottage herring gulls at Jackdaws
the next day we went to the waterfalls I saw yellow gorse.
the water level was high but not flooded. it was a adventure and the gorse made it look colourful
it was massive then we went down the mountain the next day we went to the sea again and I saw a cormerent. there was lots of bladder wrack which is a type of seaweed.
seaweed are actualy a type of algae. some can surve out the water for a certain period of time. others dont survive as well it depends on the type cause theres different types of seaweed.
this one is normaly mistake for seaweed but is actualy a type of animal instead
in July
im very used to wildlife watching in the uk and while I have been to menorca I havnt wildlife watched there cause I didnt have an interest in Wildlife then so this was my first time wildlife watching in a different country.
I allways have to wear ear defenders when i go to the air port but they had disability asistance. I had to improvise cause the person that supports me that went with me hasnt gone on holiday with me before and didnt know what to say or do with my sensory challanges at the airport. the person that was with me said she thinks il be fine but I knew cause of my autism cant deal with crowds so I said I have autism and I dont like crowds so would it be ok to go where its less busy or quiter and so she took me through. there was a point where we wernt sure if I had to take my ear defenders off at the part where you have to walk through and them see if you got metal on you so I asked the lady there if I could keep them on and she went off to ask the person behind the thing you have to walk through. I was very anxious at this point. it was time to put our items on the coveyerbelt and walk through the metal thing. The person with me for the holiday and me still didnt know so I was panicing inside and i was told to take them off by the person taking me which i was reluctant to do but the plaine lady came over and thumbed up us saying not to take them off and that i can keep them on and we went through. the flight was delayed by an hour. but it was no ones fault cause they had to help somone who couldnt walk onto the plane. so we walked and stopped every 5 minutes so people were joking about that and inpatient at the same time. eventually we got on though at last. I filmed the take off and we went over the bay of biscay on the way to Tenerife
when landing I saw mount tede from above the clouds.
the next day I saw a canarian chiffchaff
and I saw a Spanish sparrow for the first time. they were breeding at the hotel.
but one of my biggest highlights was snorkeling for the very first time
and the dolphins which i got to see for the very first time
and mount tede a active volcano with many species only found on that mountain I saw crystal on a rock
that was the last day. the next day we went on a trip but when it came to packing bags for the trip. I put my bag with the plastic bag on it ontop of my suitcase then gave it to her with the plastic bag on it but took it off and thought that she was going to put the bag in cause it didnt only have my stuff in the bag and as far as I knew the plastic bag was in the boot but at some point in the journey I wondered where the bag was and thought it might be in the boot cause i couldnt see it in the back. we checked the boot and it wasnt there.
my ear defenders got left behind which was problomatic cause the person with me wasnt willing to go back and get the ear defenders and soon we had to go to the air port. I was highly anxious and I found it diffucult getting her to understand the why it is important enough that we do have to go back anf get them we bought some silenceing headphones as an emergancy cause otherwise I wouldnt of been able to get on the plane. we went through disability asisstance. the plane was delayed by a couple of hours and we wernt able to get on until midnight. a teenager had a go in a wheelchair and a little boy was going up and down a slope behind me which i found acted as visual stimulation and made my anxiety worse. it isnt thetre fault its just cause im autistic but thanfuly things did cam down and at 12 o'clock we lined up and got on the plane and came back to the uk by 4 or 5 oclock in the morning.
iv come back home iv not long come back. it went better than I thought it would. she didny say anything and treated it as a normal day and so she didnt put me under preassure at home. with care home and home I dont like talking about my care home with my family. when I go home I keep them both seperate and for neither to interfere with the other so that helped aswell
when i go home the rules there are different to my care home. my care home makes new rules alot which i dont like. if you have rules they need to be the same as when you start. but the rules at home are usualy the same and are the same as they have allways been mostly they dont usualy change much year to year so theres more consistancy and im most familer with them more than anywhere else and its more predictable and consistant compared to the ones in my care home.
my care home has there own rules and my My Mum has her own rules so when i go home i can get away from a envirement im not happy in since i run into lots of diffucultys on lots of other levels besides just noise and things and alot of them caused by and due to the way the care home works for me.
the envirement at home is also normaly more tolerable noise level is more predictable on a more daily basis than the care home aswell. i also dont have much interaction with people. as close as i get is going out on a trip wildlife watching or something where there may be people out and about.
at home though i have my sisster and brother and the dogs. cause i like the dogs and my family do aswell i socialise more. cause the dogs are there i socialise longer and more often than I would do if they wernt there then i have other family I see sometimes. at home I get along with dad better than Mum and have more in common with him than Mum so spend alot of time with Dad and the dogs while Mum does stuff.
when I stay at home for nights say more than a week then i begin balacing my time with them with time on my own not spending too much time on my own cause I want to see my family and the dogs. not spending too much time with the dogs or my family othereise i get overwhelmed from being with people even though there my parents and also i have a problom where i dont like being on my own when Mum and Dad go out the room cause they arnt with me so i usualy acidently spending too much time with them or too much time on my own before sucessfuly balancing the two abit more.
me, Mum and Dad went to the cemetry but i couldnt take pictures since it was drizzly and I had wilber in one hand and my drink in the other hand with nowhere else to put it so I dont have any pictures for the other trips thread
It's nice that you spent time with Wilbur too. What drink was it? Do you have favourite foods and drinks?
I ususaly take pictures when I go to the cemetry but cause wilber is reactive to other dogs and i wanted wilber but also needed my drink i wasnt able to.
the trip I did enjoy it but could of been better as Dad decided to let Alphie off the lead and chase the wildlife stateing that its fun and he likes it leading me to need to reason with him and say when you walk the dog you need to respect wildlife aswell as they deserve to do there own thing and go about there daily lifes just as much as we do and being chased is classed as disturbance and can be stressful for them and the dogs are un natural predators aswell and ended up having to ask him to put alphie on a lead like the others as he chased a crow aswell as a squirrel and if he wont obey instructions before chasing something oor you cant control your dog you need to put him back on the lead but I enjoyed the trip with wilber other than that incident.
I nornaly have water or juice or hot chocolate. i dont like coffee or tea and never drink it. i also never drink alcoholic drinks either and never have done in the past. if its juice i prefer apple or blackcurrent on average i drink water every day mostly.
with the what i said in my other comment by the way the main reason I dont talk to Mum about the care home is mainly cause Mum doesnt understand the reasons why im not happy there and I consider both the care home and home as seperate things and this is what is causeing my discomfort with shareing the many reasons including ones i havnt mentioned.
i havnt gone into detail about how the care home works and the why of it makes it unsuitable in that specific context other than other things i thought would be of mroe interest besides that and havnt told Mum and gone into detail about how the care home works and the why of it makes it unsuitable in that context or any other context either ias Mum wont understand that either and im not sure if the social worker will also and im worried about the whole thing backfireing or something if i do send the list i make to Mum for the social worker and I only have 4 days left.
the reason for my worry is that iv been keeping quiet about the social worker and Mum to the staff as im worried they will interfere or do things that they think are helpful but arnt and sabotage the effort and team work for leaving the care home and think that would be more comfortable without the staff being involved cause of this.
the main reason being is like Mum they have a different view on how i feell in the care home even though the reality for me is actualy different no matter what there view is on it.
my worry is what if me and her get to the moving out of the care home stage then the staff get told and get a shock then slow things down or even prevent the outcome enitrely even though allowing the move to go ahead would be in my best interest. iv never really been very emotionaly open to my Mum anyway about what i do away from home even when younger and when your not emotionaly open to someone or feell like there could be potential for mis understanding even if its a parent then your going to be hesitant to send what you have written and my social worker doesnt undertsand this and that is why shes still insistant i send the list to her rather than meet up even if or when she comes back.
Im wrting the list at my care home rather than at home
cause when im at home i think of home and not the care home otherwise i get endless stressful thoughts going through my head about the care home I cant control at home and it then makes it hard to enjoy my time at home which i dont want nor need. those are things im suposed to have a breack from.
being at home I can take a breack away from the troubles i have at the care home when i go home. as soon as i go to the care home i have to face them and no longer surpress them. I dont usualy look forward to going back to the care home cause it means I have to deal with all the stress i deal with at the care home that I know from being here for 10 years i and them cant change and cant do anything about and i know the only option left now after 10 years here is to leave the care home cause im not happy there and staying at the care home isnt doing good for my mental health in the long term
cause i think of the care home when at the care home so that i can enjoy it when i go home that is why im doing it at the care home and not at home. Mum will be sending the letter of before Monday and the day i need to send it by is fast aproaching as each day pasess.
today is 4 days until Sunday. Thursday it will be only be 3.
the only positive that has happened so far in relation to this thing I need to sort out is that things went better than I thought at home and i wasnt preassured about anything. which means im unlikely to be discouraged about my list in that sense and everything was normal like any other day i go home and although there was one conflict at home today with Dad to do with watching tv and an instruction i was given by Mum to make sure of somethig in relation to Dad and Max one of the dogs feelling poorly most of the day it was ok and normal. Mum spend what seemed like 5 hours having a haircut so i spent most of the day with dad and didnt see her for most of the afternoon since she went out for a couple of hours after lunch
aparantly she went to the shop after her hair cut which is why she took so long even though she only went for a haircut
it is. yes I dont know how long Mum actualy takes but acording to Mum it only took an hour to do her hair even though she was out for 5 hours. but she said this was cause she went to a shop and then drove back to the house aparantly.
I havnt had a good day today though unfortunatly so I havnt made as much progress with the list as i hoped unfortunatly today.
this morning I was comfused cause i saw Mum during the week when its usualy at weekends so I acidently went out this morning when it would of been better to stay in.
I normaly stay in to settle back in. the walk went ok I didnt want to walk far though and we didnt have long to walk, sometime later on after the walk i had chest pain sometime when I got back but it went away eventualy and then after lunch it set off for this reason I thought i would ask the staff for paracetamol after lunch
but the staff was going to be phoning the doctors to sort the tablet thing out so we talked about that then I went back upstairs but then remmbered to let her know about my chest pain so that i can have a paracetamel for it. so I did. she thought it was just stress so wouldnt give me a paracetamol. she thought it would be due to what we discussed with her weather i should go with people im comfortable with or not in relation to seeing the doctor about increasing the mood tablets.
but then when i said it started when i got back before lunch time she became melo dramatic and started talking about A and E even though theres lots of reasons why you can get chest pain. she said to let her know if it still hurts later at 2 so I just walked off cause it does normaly get better if I have chest pain and its not unusual for me.
I went up to my room but I heard her leave later which meant I then wasnt sure what was going on cause it was only half an hour until 2. I can hear absoloutly everything in the house which can get abit much sometimes. its like being surounded by noises non stop for the majority of the day with no way to get away from it even in your room.
I I was also Anxious cause Iv allways had anxiety about doctors. but particukarly hospitals to the point i wont go without Mum. so I was also anxious of the word A and E and not knowing what will happen that then triggered high levels of anxiety in case the staff send me to A and E regardless of if i tell her its better when its better then I had everything else going on on top of that so already being anxious anyway
it added an exstra layer of anxiety ontop of all the other many anxietys and my anxiety about the A and E rose so high that the thought of waiting until she gets back could be a long time was overwhelming and the anxiety climbed higher and higher each time until it got too high and intense in too a short a time frame for me to process them properly. so eventualy I naturaly and instinctively got upset cause the anxiety got too high and intense and overwhelming and i knew i couldnt do anything until she got back and its that that caused a breakdown so I got upset and felt like that for a long time
it took more than an hour for my body to calm down and regulate itself. some time later after she got back i planned on telling her cause I had calmed down. the reason for this is cause its easyer to communicate when your not upset and your more regulated.
then I went down and let her know the chest pain was better as it normaly gets better. if i get one which lifted my anxiety and she then put it down to stress. but it can also be if i havnt gone for a walk for a long time and only been driving to places then walking which is the case here.
there isnt allways just one cause there tneds to be more than one factor. i was also tired from this morning and that can bring on this sort of thing aswell.
but then i still had the tablet thing to be sorted out which meant a long time wondering if its been done yet and weather they have phoned the doctors. I also had to think about weather to go with staff and who im comfortable with or not.
so I had to decide if she does phone them if i will go with staff im comfortable with then it will be harder to make an apointement but if i go with anyone then it will be easyer and quicker. i chose the first and i let her know that.
I kept in my mind that my body was not quiet 100 percent back to normal yet and so any other stresses could trigger another breackdown so I had to be careful about it
it can take a long time for my emotions to regulate entirely back to baseline sometimes if not a couple of hours then a day or two. partiularly when overwhelmed.
tthe fact it can take a long time is one of the reasons why i try to take steps to prevent becoming overhwelmed and also i have a strong tendancy to try and control my emotions or keep emotions in check and to be reserved. i dont have any control over that trait i have cause its so normal and this trait is why i can be dead pan.
but even though im good at this you cant allways prevent breackdowns regardless of weather its sensory related or not and its inivatble that it will happen at some point and its your bodys way of dealing with stress.
because of my autism i can easily get overwhelmed. this has allways been part of my autism
and its allways been my response to either overwhelm or too much sensory overload since i was a child
something worth mentioning aswell is when your anxious that can also make you more physicaly vigilant and alert than you would normly be. your brain responds this way when stressed amd with your senses makes them more vigilant, alert or sensitive to stimulation in your envirement aswell when anxious
you can get a double whammy when your hypersenitive to stimuli as your senitive enough and alert enough to your envirement already as it is so then you get a visious cycle which then worsens the anxiety.
when this happens for my natural reaction is to leave but its not allways possible to leave a situation weather physicaly or emotionaly. one of the most anxious situations iv ever been in when it comes to being overwhelmed is feelling like you cant leave a room or situation when your highly anxious as that can eventualy make you overwhelmed but exspecialy when overhwelmed for any reason cause then theres no where to go and it can make the feelling of overwhelm alot worse.
iv been in a couple of situations similar to this and it tends to make things alot worse usualy its if your in a room with doors closed with the situation that is causeing anxiety or overwhelm or say if your in a car and the doors are closed cause the cars driveing.
when it comes to being overwhelmed it helps to have an escape from over stimulation if you ever get overhwelmed otherwise it can make you even more overwhelmed.
so iv had a very eventful day today and i didnt exspect that when i woke up today
eventualy the staff member I reminded her again later on about the tablet that was going to be calling the doctors about my tablet did call them by late afternoon but belive it or not it was made for late November - I dont know how on earth that is going to go it depends if im still here or havnt moved yet unless the spointment would still be valid even if i left obviously.
hopefuly i get more done with the list tomarow or Saturday if things get better than today.
I'm glad that you still had a nice time at home. You have reminded me of my mum. Her hair was very important to her!
I hope that you you are making progress on your reasons for the social worker. Even if it's just noting some things down, or looking at your posts on here. You have said quite a lot in this thread - some of it may help you.