My Wildlife holidays.

out of curiosity does anyone ever get this  sort of thing it usualy happens when im anxious I can display repeatative behaviors but by that i mean things like needing to open and close a cupboard a certain way like it needs to be shut a certain way or if I put a plate in the cupboard they need to be catogarised. plate with the plates.

 bowls with the bowls big bowls then small bowls after in a certain way and certain position. crisps even though they all look the same to everyone else im very choosy when getting crisps at the shop or anything at the shop even though they all look thr same i need to choose the one on the right or a certain packet in the row otherwise my brain exspects if i pick the one  in the middle then whicheber anxiety im anxious about could happen. if Mums poorly she could get worse or some other anxiety like a baby or toddler starting to cry cause of my hearing or anything im anxious about anywhere at all and if i pick the middle my mind unconciously becomes convinced my anxiety is genuinely going to come true or happen so It then is compulsary  to pick the one on the right for example. when my anxiety is at its worst I can end up standing there forever and not pick any. 

when it comes to choosing a packet from my crisp back it has to be a specific one wherevet it is in the pack or have to choose between two so that my brain can weigh up the risks of any of my anxietys happening depending on which packet i choose otherwise i become very anxious ifni pick the wrong one and i have to put them in a certain way. 

or if my room was in a certain order when something stressful happened durinf that time period or ocured every time by coincidance my brain percieves it as a threat and feells like it needs to change the order of my things and it must stay that way otherwise it could happen again so they cant be in the same order or look the same as when it coured or my brain becomes convinced if will happen again its like my brain interprets itself as being in the same situation unless it doesnt look the same as the situation the stressful event cocured in. it can get really bad where i cant put anything in any place or any order at all if im very very anxious and things like having to put thinggs a certain way and or repeat certain things a certaim amount of times either actions or words can become exausfing if say it lasts half an hour, an hour or more than that which it can do at its worst. at its mildest only 5 minutes but it usualy only sets of if im particularly anxious and usualy out of nowhere and at anytime so it isnt all the time but when it does how many days it goes on for and how many times a day varys when its really bad it can become exausting but its a way of coping my brain developed when i was little but it was more subtle when i was younger i would have to repeat certain gestures people may consider odd or certaim words so that my brain is reassured and if i dont its convinced my anxietys will genuinly happen. I was just wondering if any other autostic people have similar coping mechanisms to this or not 

This is all quite 'normal' for us. I don't have learning difficulties, but have similar things. If I don't even do them, I still have the urge to do them.

Worrying about things like your mum being poorly and imagining the worst outcome is called "catastrophising". I know that I do this a lot

This is a BBC article about it

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220725-catastrophising-how-toxic-thinking-can-lead-down-dark-path

So it is 'normal' for us (and non-autistics can do it too), but it still isn't good for our mental health.

Here are some techniques that I found that may help. Maybe just look at one or two of these instead of trying to look at all of them

1. Reality Checking (Evidence-Based Thinking)

• Ask yourself: “What evidence do I have that this worst-case scenario will happen?”
• Write down the facts that support or contradict your catastrophic thoughts. This helps distance yourself from emotions and look at the situation more rationally.

2. Decatastrophizing

• Ask, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Then, ask, “If the worst happens, how will I cope?”
• Often, when you break it down, the worst-case scenario isn’t as bad as it first seemed, and you can see ways to handle it.

3. Focus on the Present

• Ground yourself by paying attention to your immediate environment, focusing on what is happening now instead of worrying about the future.
• Use mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, or focus on the sensations in your body to anchor yourself to the present moment.

4. Challenge “What Ifs”

• Replace “What if this terrible thing happens?” with “What if things turn out okay or even better than I expect?”
• This shifts your perspective toward more balanced possibilities rather than focusing solely on negative outcomes.

5. Set Small Action Steps

• If you’re worried about a specific outcome, break down the situation into smaller, manageable parts. Ask yourself, “What can I do now to help prevent this?”
• Taking action, even in small ways, helps you regain a sense of control and reduces anxiety.

6. Distance Yourself from Your Thoughts

• Practice labeling your thoughts: “I am having a thought that something bad will happen,” rather than assuming it’s true.
• This reminds you that thoughts are just thoughts—not facts.

7. Positive Reframing

• Ask yourself, “What’s a more positive or neutral way to look at this situation?”
• Reframing the problem in a less negative light can help reduce the intensity of your fear or anxiety.

8. Limit Time Spent on Worrying

• Set aside a specific “worry time” for a few minutes each day. During this time, allow yourself to think through the worries but then let them go once the time is up.
• This keeps catastrophic thinking contained instead of taking over your entire day.

9. Use Physical Grounding Techniques

• If you feel overwhelmed, simple physical grounding techniques like pressing your feet into the floor, squeezing your hands, or focusing on your breath can bring your mind back from spiraling thoughts.

10. Talk It Out

• Share your thoughts with a friend, family member, or therapist. Sometimes, vocalizing your worries helps you gain perspective and hear a more realistic take on the situation.

Incorporating some of these strategies can help manage catastrophizing and reduce its impact on your daily life. It takes practice, but over time, these tools can make a big difference in how you respond to stress and uncertainty.

the first was just a random example rather than actual thoughts. the first one probably wasnt the best example cause i didnt give it much context. rather than actual thoughts that I have.

my thoughts are  usualy based on aprehension rather than catastrophic thinking.  im also very self aware so im very in tune with my thoughts and feellingsz  what I was trying to say is anxietys about things you cant control. 

im very good at weighing up probabilitys in my head of what is likely to happen and what isnt.

alot of my anxietys are based on things that there is a possibility of ocuring. or where events have ocured before rather than things that are unlikely. events that could very well ocur even though there isnt nesacerily any guarantee or you cant be certain for imstance in the shop it can get busy and people also sometimes like parents for instance bring little kids or babys in this has happened on a couple of ocasions and I activaly try to avoid them as a result so its something my brain has come to exspect and i usualy dont know unless i see someone with a baby or I hear screaming and it  makes me feell boxed in and like i camt go anywhere and so feell helpless which escalates my anxiety more and the fact I dont know weather someone with a baby has come in with a baby or toddler or not until its too late like seeing it or hearing it can then trigger compulsive and repeatative behaviors 

it is the compulsive and repeative behaviors i described that i was wondering if anyone can relate to 

with the Tuberous sclerosis condition I mentioned that im born with and being associated with my autism and learning disability the thing about my condition is unless someone knows  the name they  wouldnt know about it  or think to look for it. most people i encounter if not all except the people at the tuberous sclerosis club i went to knew much if anything about it and have found in my exsperiance aswell as my familys exsperiance  that most people  dont know much about it.  heres some  links. they exsplain it very well and  they have more infomation on it and I wondered if you might find interesting 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuberous_sclerosis

https://tuberous-sclerosis.org/information-and-support/tsc-and-genetics/

https://tuberous-sclerosis.org/tsc_affects_the_body/intellectual-ability/

il reply to the first paragraphs  first

when I was a baby I was diagnosed with the ts  rare condition that I have and was diagnosed with it alongside epilepsy along with a chronic sleep disorder Mum noticed something off  and  as a toddler and then a  child eventualy I was diagnosed with haveing a learning disability and then with Autism but wasnt told until I was 10.

when I was little the diagnosis was made cause of developmental delays and not understanding things people my age are exspeccted to understand I was also behind my class each year and never caught up and had to do things seperatly so learned things outside of class with a teaching assistant

in my final year. i ended up having to go back to one of the key stage classes where people were alot younger than me in order to learn what I hadnt learnt and get work finished that i never did I also had to have things tailered to my speacial needs cause i didnt understand normal school work and do work that the rest of the students didnt do

I also had to do different things to everyone else aswell. I did most things outside the classroom  and during maths outside of class.  learned how to count, add up and takeaway  useing numercon they each had a distinctive shape and over time i learned to count by visualising numercon but never got to grips with divide and other symbols.

i struggled with counting things that were put in front of me when it came to methods that involved useing  my fingers putting my hands up and counting each finger and what not even though everyone else could and struggled with putting my finger on anything to count them so creatted a block and caused me to struggle so I tryed visualising the numercon in my head and if taking away made one or two holes in the numercon in my head disapear leaving only one or imaganing the shape of another numercon nexxt to the first and then count each hole i see in my head. eventualy I was able to visualise and count them without them present so i could visualise and count them without them then eventualy I started visualising numbers when I was older  pre teen age 10 11 12 and trying to imagane the number 2 say with the numercon 2 then when i was a teenager i learned how to visualise numbers without visualising numercon then when I was 17 18 I taught myself a  method of counting where say theres a double digit 44 if you count the digit the number reduces to 8. 

as. for money I learned the simple ones but never learned how to know weather something is exspensive for a product or how much money and other aspects of money spending I also dont understand or know how taxes and bills work and what things like that mean 

with time i can tell the time when it comes to 15 minutes or 10 minutes an hour etc but dont understand and havnt learned the terms  20 past 5 when people say that its just a word i also dont understand 20 past 10 so havnt fully learned how to tell the time in those aspects 

It also takes time for me to process what people say and understand what they say there is also a 5 minute delay between what i think and what i say and my voice is also slightly slower than what is considers normal when i speak so both my thoughts and my speech are delayed by 5 minutes and i need time to process what im going to say before i say them. 

but my learning disability is considered mild rather than severe which is why im quiet able and can do alot of things. just like autism there are certain aspects of my life more than others but those who have severe learning disability struggle in more areas or severly in certain areas 

you can have a intellectual learning disability but there is also specific learning disabilitys also while both can be found together or with other conditions both intelectual learning disability and specific learning disability are two different things but are common amoung those with autism particularly those with tuberous sclerosis the rare condition makes haveing condions like autism, learning disabilitys like intelectual learning disability, specific learning disabilitys and  developmental delays very common and people with my rare conditon are commonly born with these conditions amoung other conditions too.  not allways but its very common.

my rare conditon is rare and not to be mistaken with another term  that may sound similar.

tuberous sclerosis is something your born with at birth and is known as a genetic condition but can also happen spontaneously and acording to Mum mine was spontaneous rather than gentic. the condition isnt well known because its so rare and its not one of those that people to say is rare but actualy common it is in fact a rare condition. 

but there are other people with the conditions like autism, learning disabilitys, epilepsy amoung other conditions  that also have tuberous sclerosis aswell just like me aswell. aswell as people with tuberous sclerosis without Autism and other condition even though tuberous sclerosis is a rare condition.

I used to go to a tuberous sclerosis club when i was younger with Mum and one of my favourate tshirts i wore is from when i used to join it cause it has its signiture that is the only place iv ever come across people with ts and autism as its so rare though unfortunatly it is also why you never hear it on tv, in the radio, in newspapers, out and about in daily life and what not and that there  isnt much awareness if any obvious awareness around  and things like that and not  as much as Autism and learning disabilitys and things like that that are actually common if at all unless you already know the name or unless you know about it cause you have it yourself or someone else has it etc

when i came to the care home because im intellegant they did double check weather i have a learning disability even though they knew I was diagnosed with it and they did the test in 2014 so i had a iq test again even though i had one when i was a child and it says 61 which is classed as mild in the dsm 5. 

I showed lots of signs of haveing a learning disability which is why i was diagnosed it wasnt just cause of having a iq score low enough to have a learning disability so  I do have a learning disability its just that its not so much domestic things i find challanging its more other aspects of life instead but if you have a learning disability its asumed that you need to become independant in that area even if you come across as intellegent and able it can be fustraiting 

Autism also afected me alot at school and college and allways has done but all my conditions compensate for there challanges by makeing me good at things i wouldnt be if i didnt have the conditions that i do. the thing is when people around me thing of my conditions they only see the challanges rather than something that gives me unique strengths i wouldnt have otherwise both are part of my identity and make me who i am. some of the things im good at not just struggle with they know about but  alot of things im good at that are part of who i am - due to being on the autistic spectrum and having the conditions i have its not just a given. but alot of the challanges how i think and many other things that are part of my disabilitys they dont understand anyway and i of course now im older have new conditions aswell as the ones iv allways have too and it feells like there the result of my minds way of coping with the care home and what not.

At the very least, you can talk about this stuff here. Even being genuinely listened to could help in a small way.

For what it's worth, Zo, while you do have learning disabilities, your are clearly very intelligent. Most people in the world can not understand this and would think it a contradiction. But it is not a contradiction. I don't think that you actually have a low IQ - it's just that the tests have not been designed well for some people. Reading your posts shows how much you think and how deep your inner world goes. It is sad that most people will only see the 'learning difficulties'. But it's only a small part of you.

On a different subject - My wife and I are going to stay in the New Forest on this weekend. We are visiting my Aunty in Romsey, but she is in her 90s and can only cope with visitors for about 20 minutes. We try to stay nearby so that we can do a few visits over the weekend. I hope to get into the forest and get some photos.

if it is my experience it might be a better idea if I do it. I dont know what the moderators would think if they saw it was from someone else by someone else cause I think they need to be by you or someone else 

I have tryed to tell a support worker but I have put emotional boundaries in place cause I dont feell like they understand me and lots of mis understandings have ocured as a result and it shows in both how they talk about things, what they say and how they percieve and aproach, respond and react plus the way  they talk about things with other people and not just me.

they like to come across on the outsside for professional reasons as knowing what there doing and that they know exactly what there talking about and try and back themselfs up with we have training in this or that and want to be seen as knowing what there doing and doing there job so they dont get in to trouble and want to think there doing there job so mean well but the reality is in spite of the job they have and how well I try and exsplain things to them they just dont and it shows based on how they talk and behave whenever any topics to do with my disorders are brought up they just  dont. 

 no one autistic person is the same and when you have other disorders thrown into the mix that can also change things and make things more complex. 

they project and like to look like they know and understand but the fustraiting reality is no matter how well i exsplain things it allways turns out in the end they actualy took things differently.

all the people in this care home and the other care homes to have behavior problems that  arnt subtle and an come across to others as in some cases there disabilitys also too. but the behavior probloms they have challange  the staff and for this reason they usualy strive to get asertive staff in.

the majority of staff have training for behavior probloms for which the majority have. the majority in the care homes by the company that owns the care homes also have things like Tourettes or other things that can ocur alongside autism. not all are on the autistic soectrum but  most are on the what society would percieve as being on the severe end.  

some residents also have some form of either a physical learning disability and needing a wheelchair due to certain conditions they arnt in the same care home as me even though its by the same company ap

others have what society likes to call a severe  mental learning disability and  cant do most of the every day things themselfs without staff support. the ones in the same home as me come across as noticably severe in comparison to me.

 the people in the care home im in under the same company have learning disabilitys theres only 2.  one has pathological demand syndrome and behavior probloms the other has behavior probloms and challanges staff regularly whereas i come across as noticably  very able and having a greater undertdanding of certain things including that staff arnt friends and there actualy just staff members which the others dont undertsand.

i dont have behaviors probloms unlike the majority of the people in the  care home and the care home that im in and dont  display aggression towards the staff either 

im not friends with anyone cause there usualy too noisy for me to be around but dont treat them differently just cause im not friemds with them

even though staff try and support someone who apears more able but clearly here cause of haveing an iq level that has caused me to be diagnosed with a learning diasability and autisitc with my hyper sensitive hearing and things like that the reason I came to the care home is cause I have a learning disability.

 they have more exsperiance with  people who come across  as not being as able and apear to society to be on the severe end end. but i also have disabilitys that staff  dont have much exsperiance in or that are new like the diagnosis in 2016 and so no matter how hard i try im unable to be let alone feell understood by them at all 

the residents of course also have repeatative amd compulsive behaviors they are usualy exstreme like comtamtly picking the carpet amd tearing curtoms amoung other things due to amxiety though with them though 

with mine I dont do things like that but the ones I do have has caused probloms  in the evening here though cause i had to switch the lights on and off repeatedly or open and close doors and things like that and I was warned that it is waking people up and keeping staff awake and if I carry on then they will have to tell the manager and the manager will have a word and they will need to think of a consequence i exsplained that i cant help it and dont have control over them when they happen and that stressful situations that ocur that i know could happen  trigger them 

i had a breack from them for a certain period of time then due to anxious cicunstances including the anxiety about the consequence on top of that triggered the compulsive behaviors again 

and so  the consequence warning then became a source of stress as my brain associated the actions with it and then became a stressful trigger for the compulsive behaviors and the anxiety of  waking people up contributed to it 

I had a chat with a staff member to discuss it  I wasnt confortable with discussing it with the other staff though and I did this in hopes she might undertsand i didnt get my hopes up too high though.

so they had a peice of paper hoping that I will tell them in the morings and afternoon that they occur and what anxietys cause them and what time and for how long but it meant that all staff will see it and I wasnt emotionaly comfortable with that so it didnt work out in the end it was so the gp could see the patterns of behavior and what triggers them to help me get a diagnosis for it  and so they didnt call the gp and sort of moved on even though they continued 

iim not comfortbale telling Mum about them Iv tryed telling them and exsplaining them to staff also but they just treat it as me trying to get on peoples nerves and ignore it or tell me to stop doing certain behaviors i have no control over and both them and Mum  they treat being late as me just being a slow coach or fafing even though I dont faf and things like that 

my compulsions were more based on my imagantion when I was younger and thins went into my teen years I genuinly belived i had super powers even as a teenager cause i was told by someone i now have psycic powers and watched matililda when i was 10 but i genuinly belived it even into my teens when i was a kid it was waving my finger in front of my eye and opening and blinking. in my pre teens and in my early and mid teens i had to blink and say super shield activated then i would belive that i have a force field around me preventing anxious situations like crowds or noise or whatever it was from affecting me and that if i blinked and said this wont happen then the anxious situation will go away.

when i came here I was more  stressed and stressed for long periods and stressed about more things  encountering more stressful situations and not being happy here and all that other stuff then these compulsive behaviors started so I didnt allways have them

if it is my experience it might be a better idea if I do it. I dont know what the moderators would think if they saw it was from someone else by someone else cause I think they need to be by you or someone else 

I have tryed to tell a support worker but I have put emotional boundaries in place cause I dont feell like they understand me and lots of mis understandings have ocured as a result and it shows in both how they talk about things, what they say and how they percieve and aproach, respond and react plus the way  they talk about things with other people and not just me.

they like to come across on the outsside for professional reasons as knowing what there doing and that they know exactly what there talking about and try and back themselfs up with we have training in this or that and want to be seen as knowing what there doing and doing there job so they dont get in to trouble and want to think there doing there job so mean well but the reality is in spite of the job they have and how well I try and exsplain things to them they just dont and it shows based on how they talk and behave whenever any topics to do with my disorders are brought up they just  dont. 

 no one autistic person is the same and when you have other disorders thrown into the mix that can also change things and make things more complex. 

they project and like to look like they know and understand but the fustraiting reality is no matter how well i exsplain things it allways turns out in the end they actualy took things differently.

all the people in this care home and the other care homes to have behavior problems that  arnt subtle and an come across to others as in some cases there disabilitys also too. but the behavior probloms they have challange  the staff and for this reason they usualy strive to get asertive staff in.

the majority of staff have training for behavior probloms for which the majority have. the majority in the care homes by the company that owns the care homes also have things like Tourettes or other things that can ocur alongside autism. not all are on the autistic soectrum but  most are on the what society would percieve as being on the severe end.  

some residents also have some form of either a physical learning disability and needing a wheelchair due to certain conditions they arnt in the same care home as me even though its by the same company ap

others have what society likes to call a severe  mental learning disability and  cant do most of the every day things themselfs without staff support. the ones in the same home as me come across as noticably severe in comparison to me.

 the people in the care home im in under the same company have learning disabilitys theres only 2.  one has pathological demand syndrome and behavior probloms the other has behavior probloms and challanges staff regularly whereas i come across as noticably  very able and having a greater undertdanding of certain things including that staff arnt friends and there actualy just staff members which the others dont undertsand.

i dont have behaviors probloms unlike the majority of the people in the  care home and the care home that im in and dont  display aggression towards the staff either 

im not friends with anyone cause there usualy too noisy for me to be around but dont treat them differently just cause im not friemds with them

even though staff try and support someone who apears more able but clearly here cause of haveing an iq level that has caused me to be diagnosed with a learning diasability and autisitc with my hyper sensitive hearing and things like that the reason I came to the care home is cause I have a learning disability.

 they have more exsperiance with  people who come across  as not being as able and apear to society to be on the severe end end. but i also have disabilitys that staff  dont have much exsperiance in or that are new like the diagnosis in 2016 and so no matter how hard i try im unable to be let alone feell understood by them at all 

the residents of course also have repeatative amd compulsive behaviors they are usualy exstreme like comtamtly picking the carpet amd tearing curtoms amoung other things due to amxiety though with them though 

with mine I dont do things like that but the ones I do have has caused probloms  in the evening here though cause i had to switch the lights on and off repeatedly or open and close doors and things like that and I was warned that it is waking people up and keeping staff awake and if I carry on then they will have to tell the manager and the manager will have a word and they will need to think of a consequence i exsplained that i cant help it and dont have control over them when they happen and that stressful situations that ocur that i know could happen  trigger them 

i had a breack from them for a certain period of time then due to anxious cicunstances including the anxiety about the consequence on top of that triggered the compulsive behaviors again 

and so  the consequence warning then became a source of stress as my brain associated the actions with it and then became a stressful trigger for the compulsive behaviors and the anxiety of  waking people up contributed to it 

I had a chat with a staff member to discuss it  I wasnt confortable with discussing it with the other staff though and I did this in hopes she might undertsand i didnt get my hopes up too high though.

so they had a peice of paper hoping that I will tell them in the morings and afternoon that they occur and what anxietys cause them and what time and for how long but it meant that all staff will see it and I wasnt emotionaly comfortable with that so it didnt work out in the end it was so the gp could see the patterns of behavior and what triggers them to help me get a diagnosis for it  and so they didnt call the gp and sort of moved on even though they continued 

iim not comfortbale telling Mum about them Iv tryed telling them and exsplaining them to staff also but they just treat it as me trying to get on peoples nerves and ignore it or tell me to stop doing certain behaviors i have no control over and both them and Mum  they treat being late as me just being a slow coach or fafing even though I dont faf and things like that 

my compulsions were more based on my imagantion when I was younger and thins went into my teen years I genuinly belived i had super powers even as a teenager cause i was told by someone i now have psycic powers and watched matililda when i was 10 but i genuinly belived it even into my teens when i was a kid it was waving my finger in front of my eye and opening and blinking. in my pre teens and in my early and mid teens i had to blink and say super shield activated then i would belive that i have a force field around me preventing anxious situations like crowds or noise or whatever it was from affecting me and that if i blinked and said this wont happen then the anxious situation will go away.

when i came here I was more  stressed and stressed for long periods and stressed about more things  encountering more stressful situations and not being happy here and all that other stuff then these compulsive behaviors started so I didnt allways have them

with the Tuberous sclerosis condition I mentioned that im born with and being associated with my autism and learning disability the thing about my condition is unless someone knows  the name they  wouldnt know about it  or think to look for it. most people i encounter if not all except the people at the tuberous sclerosis club i went to knew much if anything about it and have found in my exsperiance aswell as my familys exsperiance  that most people  dont know much about it.  heres some  links. they exsplain it very well and  they have more infomation on it and I wondered if you might find interesting 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuberous_sclerosis

https://tuberous-sclerosis.org/information-and-support/tsc-and-genetics/

https://tuberous-sclerosis.org/tsc_affects_the_body/intellectual-ability/

il reply to the first paragraphs  first

when I was a baby I was diagnosed with the ts  rare condition that I have and was diagnosed with it alongside epilepsy along with a chronic sleep disorder Mum noticed something off  and  as a toddler and then a  child eventualy I was diagnosed with haveing a learning disability and then with Autism but wasnt told until I was 10.

when I was little the diagnosis was made cause of developmental delays and not understanding things people my age are exspeccted to understand I was also behind my class each year and never caught up and had to do things seperatly so learned things outside of class with a teaching assistant

in my final year. i ended up having to go back to one of the key stage classes where people were alot younger than me in order to learn what I hadnt learnt and get work finished that i never did I also had to have things tailered to my speacial needs cause i didnt understand normal school work and do work that the rest of the students didnt do

I also had to do different things to everyone else aswell. I did most things outside the classroom  and during maths outside of class.  learned how to count, add up and takeaway  useing numercon they each had a distinctive shape and over time i learned to count by visualising numercon but never got to grips with divide and other symbols.

i struggled with counting things that were put in front of me when it came to methods that involved useing  my fingers putting my hands up and counting each finger and what not even though everyone else could and struggled with putting my finger on anything to count them so creatted a block and caused me to struggle so I tryed visualising the numercon in my head and if taking away made one or two holes in the numercon in my head disapear leaving only one or imaganing the shape of another numercon nexxt to the first and then count each hole i see in my head. eventualy I was able to visualise and count them without them present so i could visualise and count them without them then eventualy I started visualising numbers when I was older  pre teen age 10 11 12 and trying to imagane the number 2 say with the numercon 2 then when i was a teenager i learned how to visualise numbers without visualising numercon then when I was 17 18 I taught myself a  method of counting where say theres a double digit 44 if you count the digit the number reduces to 8. 

as. for money I learned the simple ones but never learned how to know weather something is exspensive for a product or how much money and other aspects of money spending I also dont understand or know how taxes and bills work and what things like that mean 

with time i can tell the time when it comes to 15 minutes or 10 minutes an hour etc but dont understand and havnt learned the terms  20 past 5 when people say that its just a word i also dont understand 20 past 10 so havnt fully learned how to tell the time in those aspects 

It also takes time for me to process what people say and understand what they say there is also a 5 minute delay between what i think and what i say and my voice is also slightly slower than what is considers normal when i speak so both my thoughts and my speech are delayed by 5 minutes and i need time to process what im going to say before i say them. 

but my learning disability is considered mild rather than severe which is why im quiet able and can do alot of things. just like autism there are certain aspects of my life more than others but those who have severe learning disability struggle in more areas or severly in certain areas 

you can have a intellectual learning disability but there is also specific learning disabilitys also while both can be found together or with other conditions both intelectual learning disability and specific learning disability are two different things but are common amoung those with autism particularly those with tuberous sclerosis the rare condition makes haveing condions like autism, learning disabilitys like intelectual learning disability, specific learning disabilitys and  developmental delays very common and people with my rare conditon are commonly born with these conditions amoung other conditions too.  not allways but its very common.

my rare conditon is rare and not to be mistaken with another term  that may sound similar.

tuberous sclerosis is something your born with at birth and is known as a genetic condition but can also happen spontaneously and acording to Mum mine was spontaneous rather than gentic. the condition isnt well known because its so rare and its not one of those that people to say is rare but actualy common it is in fact a rare condition. 

but there are other people with the conditions like autism, learning disabilitys, epilepsy amoung other conditions  that also have tuberous sclerosis aswell just like me aswell. aswell as people with tuberous sclerosis without Autism and other condition even though tuberous sclerosis is a rare condition.

I used to go to a tuberous sclerosis club when i was younger with Mum and one of my favourate tshirts i wore is from when i used to join it cause it has its signiture that is the only place iv ever come across people with ts and autism as its so rare though unfortunatly it is also why you never hear it on tv, in the radio, in newspapers, out and about in daily life and what not and that there  isnt much awareness if any obvious awareness around  and things like that and not  as much as Autism and learning disabilitys and things like that that are actually common if at all unless you already know the name or unless you know about it cause you have it yourself or someone else has it etc

when i came to the care home because im intellegant they did double check weather i have a learning disability even though they knew I was diagnosed with it and they did the test in 2014 so i had a iq test again even though i had one when i was a child and it says 61 which is classed as mild in the dsm 5. 

I showed lots of signs of haveing a learning disability which is why i was diagnosed it wasnt just cause of having a iq score low enough to have a learning disability so  I do have a learning disability its just that its not so much domestic things i find challanging its more other aspects of life instead but if you have a learning disability its asumed that you need to become independant in that area even if you come across as intellegent and able it can be fustraiting 

Autism also afected me alot at school and college and allways has done but all my conditions compensate for there challanges by makeing me good at things i wouldnt be if i didnt have the conditions that i do. the thing is when people around me thing of my conditions they only see the challanges rather than something that gives me unique strengths i wouldnt have otherwise both are part of my identity and make me who i am. some of the things im good at not just struggle with they know about but  alot of things im good at that are part of who i am - due to being on the autistic spectrum and having the conditions i have its not just a given. but alot of the challanges how i think and many other things that are part of my disabilitys they dont understand anyway and i of course now im older have new conditions aswell as the ones iv allways have too and it feells like there the result of my minds way of coping with the care home and what not.

At the very least, you can talk about this stuff here. Even being genuinely listened to could help in a small way.

For what it's worth, Zo, while you do have learning disabilities, your are clearly very intelligent. Most people in the world can not understand this and would think it a contradiction. But it is not a contradiction. I don't think that you actually have a low IQ - it's just that the tests have not been designed well for some people. Reading your posts shows how much you think and how deep your inner world goes. It is sad that most people will only see the 'learning difficulties'. But it's only a small part of you.

On a different subject - My wife and I are going to stay in the New Forest on this weekend. We are visiting my Aunty in Romsey, but she is in her 90s and can only cope with visitors for about 20 minutes. We try to stay nearby so that we can do a few visits over the weekend. I hope to get into the forest and get some photos.