My Wildlife holidays.

meant to add this on my post earlier.  later that day on Tuesday I watched the rest of fantastic beasts and where to find them crimes of Grindwald that me and Dad started the day before and then when that finished we watched Secrets of albus Dumbledore.

I decided that I would watch the rest of crimes of Grindwald in the afternoon cause I knew I will be going to the tree house section and trying it for the night to see if I like it or not and I didnt want to get my imaganation going before doing that. Dad actualy wanted to watch something else and watch the movies in the evening instead but agreed on watching in the afternoon rather than the evening based on the reason I gave  but only cause of that. but  that he chooses after the films instead of me as a comprimise. 

so in the evening we watched a film called strange things then I went in the big hot tub and then we took the dogs for a walk after that I was very nervous and Mum wasnt sure if I would be ok but I had already made up my mind and didnt want to be disuaded from doing it even though i was nervous.

if people give me too many instructions rather than one step at a time I take longer to process things and smoothly go from one stage to another which takes up time and Mum doesnt like being late  and I dont like my routine delayed or disrupted.

 cause mum was stressed she gave me too many questions at once when I was having my meds rather than waiting until Iv had my meds and doing things one step at a time as usual so I was unable to process everything which led me and Mum to clash.

I apparently acidently raised my voice cause of the fustraition of  the fact that I struggled  to exsplain my situation and how she aproached things and what she could do differently in a way she will understand  and I was so focused on trying to articulate and get her to understand what im saying all my focus was on that which is    I  wasnt aware I was raising my voice and  cause of that un intentionaly came across as argumentative cause my voice was raised even though  that wasnt what i was doing and I couldnt see how my voice was raised. I dont isualy raise my voice but I dont allways realise when im raiseing my voice even under normal circunstances like talking about a interesting fact which is part of my autism and mum finds it embarrasing anyway and tend to do it even more when trying to exsplain things particularly if someone fails to understand what im saying.

cause I was unable to process all her instructions I took  a long time to go from one step to another and do things by the time I normsly do so my routine wasnt followed and she kept interrupting or ignoring me or saying unhelpful things like changing my routine the next day as a comsequence thinking I was trying to be diffucult or being dis obediant when my routine is already disrupted as it is and that partly escalated my anxiety.

ontop of that I was also anxious about the treehouse and was also upset by the fact I wanted the progression from there to the treehouse to run smoothly and it didnt.

I exsplained changing my routine isnt going to help and that im not taking a long time on purpose and struggled to exsplain.  I ended up repeating myself when trying to exsplain   aswell cause of my autism cause I felt like I wasnt understood and was anxious and unsettled but thanfuly after all that I did manage to transition to the tree house part  in the emd.

when I went I felt alone and nervous so asked if I could have wilber to help keep me company  now rather than later  cause i was nervous at present  rather than wait until later and they did that

. I admittedly did have actual panic attack in the night cause I heard banging so in the end since another one started coming on I looked up the weather even though my brain was all over the place just to be safe since being scared can afect your ability to think. and (thankfuly) it was rain which provided some relief and reasoned with my nerves that we are in the woods so the most likely thing would be rain and this made me relax enough to sleep with wilber who was on my bed with me.

the next day I did the cabin again and it went ok and the day after that I wasnt nervous anymore and didnt have a panic attack again since and Mum got the room that we all wanted origionaly where she can see me aswell which also provided some reassurance. but back to my first night in the treehouse the dog loved it compared to the other room aswell just like I did and me and Mum and Dad went to Hatchmere nature reserve. we were exited about the beavers that have been reintroduced and things like that 

which leads the chapter into part 2 but il let you see part 1 first 

You describe how being autistic affects things very well. I am in my 50s and I can have times a lot like that. I don't tend to raise my voice, but can 'switch off'. Too many questions gets me in the same way. I like that the dog stayed with you in the treehouse.

I will be watching those films soon. I don't know when, but hopefully this month.

You describe how being autistic affects things very well. I am in my 50s and I can have times a lot like that. I don't tend to raise my voice, but can 'switch off'. Too many questions gets me in the same way. I like that the dog stayed with you in the treehouse.

I will be watching those films soon. I don't know when, but hopefully this month.

 thanks. sorry  it was so long and detailed then cause im very detail orientated I have a tendancy to write alot and go into a great deal of detail but iv allways been detail oreientated so. thats just me and i find actualy  for me it actualy helps me exsplain things better than if i only wrote a few words and I hate leaving things out cause it can of course afect how what you have written is read by others and in the end all the details help paint the picture if you leave some details out you leave parts out that could tell the whole story.  thanks for letting me know your not as active this weekend.  im going to be doing part 2 and 3 so I hope you get to see them. thats good that you managed to find some photos to post next week on my other threads 

You write pretty well. But I know it is very hard to describe verbally at the time.

I am not as active here this weekend, but I found some photos to post next week to your other threads.

luckily I dont usualy get that with the 2 people talking at you at the same time. its usualy only one.  normaly for me I get people trying to talk at the same time to each other or one person trying to talk to me at the same time while im trying to talk to them instead though and  raised voices tend to be a problom when people are giving me instructions aswell as other social situations where some  people tend to raise there voice. with my family aswell as other people who take me to places when it comes to raised voices aswell as other noise sources like the tv and radio or things like laughing or even singing people think cause I have hypersensitive hearing and they dont  that what I hear isnt a reflection of the actual noise level and that if it isnt actualy loud as they hear it then they try to persuade me that it isnt actualy loud and I cant ask someone to keep there voice down if there not being loud amoung other things so I have a big issue with trying to ask people. ordinarily if a noise isnt too loud it wont hurt your ears or cause any dis comfort when people talk there is different noise levels and if you pass a certain decibal level it can cause peoples ears to feell uncomfortable or even cause pain but when people raise there voice even if its not past that decibal level and considered ok or not (too loud) or enoght to cause any discomfort a few decibals below the decibal that hurts there hearing is enough to cause discomfort or even pain in mine. I think that even though it isnt passed the decibal considered harmful to non autistics it should still be treated as harmful to there hearing if a certain pitch in someones voice causes any harm or discomfort to there hearing rather than getting stressed out or telling them its not noisy or loud or that they are being bossy or that they are being manipulative in some way same thing should be the case with other noise sources like tv and audio but its when it comes to voices it can also become a real major issue and also has been since i was little  even singing. singing is cause the pitch goes from low to high and when people sing they dont tend to realise even though its not noisy or loud to non autistics it could still afect an autisitc persons hearing and there hearing and the threshold for pain or discomfort is just as valid as for non autistics even if they dont like being told to keep a noise level down no matter what form it takes and regardless of weather they think or exsperiance it as harmful or not the singing itself being asked to either keep it down or stop  can easily be taken as telling her not to do something that is fine even though that isnt what an autistic person is getting across. in worst case scenario in every day circunstances  as is just as common people  can refuse to keep there voice down or keep there tv volume down or the radio for any reason when youv asked if they can kindly keep there voice down even if its not loud to them even though  they say there not being loud and as such cant do that cause its not right. for me wouldnt de desensitise myself or change my hearing any other way instead its a hearing difference that just needs aceptance and education and theres lots of stregths or gifts that it gives me i wouldnt have if i didnt have it like hearing things most people cant. 

one of the big things that can happen with my family is that when my Mum is stressed like i said earlyer about the treehouse is that she can raise her voice at certain points while talking and i pick up on that way too well. but one of the probloms that can also happen is that even if a non autistic like my mum isnt  talking too loud and it gives me discomfort in my ear or pain or makes me feell comfused and overhwelmed maybe even both is that i dont tend to show it but I do start to get anxious orr angry where I wouldnt otherwise and when im stressed it actualy slows down my thought process more and afects my understanding to a certain exstent and when people talk cause there voice sounds hightened to me regardless of weather it is or not that it causes there voice to muffle there words or sort of cancel there words out so that my brain doesnt process the words being used. speed of speech can also be a problom cause i process things longer than non autistics and can sound either faster or slower than there actual speech and either way both cases prevent me from being able to understand instructions amoung other things if you add those factors along with a change of routine then I can almost certainly even if one factor were to ocur seperatly and not simulatneously cause me to either shut down or become so hyperfocused on what im saying and concentrating on trying to communicate that i become unaware of weather my voice gets involuntaryily raised. 

another issue that can happen which also happened that day but after meds  is if someone asks me something I dont ever know when it will ocur cause it doesnt allways but cause of my autism it can take me time to process questions even if theres no sensory challange with there voice or any other factor at present and so when I do take longer than non autistics to process infomation it can be a source of fustraition particularly when short on time or i need to follow my routine cause i do things at certain times. it can even be aa every day question for instance she asked me would you like the rest of this chocolate bar and it took me at least 5 minutes or just under to process and understand not just what she said but weather i should say yes or no and then I can also procasinate on what things to say which delayed my response and cause me to sound un sure even when I did finaly respond and started going towards the yes and that caused Mum to become in patient and just come and take out my hand and put it away and she of course shouldnt of asked me a question if she wasnt going to let me answer her and i was going to eat the rest which caused me to try and be asertive  and then there was of course more instructions cause we were short on time and so i ended up spending at least 10 or 15 minutes to half an hour trying to ask what she asked me to do and then what next and doing everything in the wrong order and doing everything slowly which afected my routine 

but like I said thanfuly I did transition to the treehouse eventuly and the nerves about that also caused me anxiety aswell as the change in routine but if I didnt do it my brain would probably of kept me up thinking about it and also thinking it was something to be anxious about when in fact it wasnt in the end 

You describe it so well. Recently my wife and her sister were both asking me something at exactly the same time. (They are a lovely family, but they are used to all talking over each other, so conversations can be very hard to keep up with.)

All I could say was "you're talking at the same time!" They then realised, because I think that I actually did look distressed for once. It turned out that some of the questions were not even that important.

It sounds like you have a lovely family though.

thanks. yes too many questions at once when it comes to routine makes me comfused and Mum has tendancy to say things not related to my routine aswell when im comfused aswell which makes me feell like im stuck in a timeline between past and the future on a mental level its like time is moving faster than your brain can process it and theres all these things that dont add up cause too much of a short time scale between the question asked and the question led up to that one and then the next one. its like dominos being knocked over one event leading to another in too a short a time frame to make sense of whats happened to affect whats happening now and then how that afexts what is happening so cause of that you cant arange the instructions in order and it becomes dis organised and sometimes the instruction is processed as a string of words rather than a whole sentence and the meaning of the words arnt processed so there just words with no meanings attached and then half of the other things said wernt all  processed into words so you get the tone of there voice but without words to string together and process and understand the meaning its like being lost without a map or any form of navigation or direction and thingz not to do with my routine just add as senseless noise or word clutter that cant help you make sense of whats going on.  

it depends on the situation in certain circunstances I do shut down I have different reactions depending on the circunstances for instance I can find that im unable to say any words at all I can open my mouth for instance and nothing will come out even though the words are waiting in my head and so go quiet and not know how to respond and get comfused. I get overwhelmed easily by both emotions and auditory and visual stimulation or too much movement and things like that and my hypersentive hearing can cause peoples voices to be louder than normal so when they raise there voice or change there tone i pick up on it all too easily and the tome can gets registered instead of the wprds being used with the tone which can also add comfusion to an already comfusing situation if someone is giving me too many imstructions