Breakdown?

I dont know whats going on in my head. I feel this strange sense of spiralling and wanting to break off contact with family. All I want to do is drink alcohol and withdraw. I despise others and have nothing but contempt for everything and everyone. I feel as though people around me secretly hate me and only want to interact me due to pity. I dont have any enthusiam or love for life or optimism for the future. I have tried to reach out for help but nobody is taking me seriously. I have been to therapy many times during my adult life and teenage years and I have been on several different medications.Talking just doesnt help. I'm not saying I want to end my life but at the same time I hate existing. I dont find anything enjoyable or funny anymore. I find it very hard to experience positive emotions while all I feel is negative emotions. While I know nobody has the answer, what I would like to know, who else feels like this? And if you did feel like this what did you do to change it?